This year marks the 10th anniversary that celebrity couple Danielle Nicholl and Dean Holden lost their 17-month-old daughter.
TV presenter Danielle, has recalled how she held her 'princess' for two hours after she died in family holiday tragedy.
Ex-professional footballer Dean Holden and his wife Danielle met in the 1990s, when Danielle became the face of CITV alongside Stephen Mulhern and Dean was breaking into Bolton Wanderers' first team.
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They had three children Joey, Ellis and Cici, and described Cici being treated 'like a princess' because she was the only girl, the MEN reports.
But the family, who lived in Worsley at the time, had their world turned upside down when Cici died of meningococcal septicemia (a bloodstream infection) when on holiday in Lanzarote.
The couple say the first signs of Cici's illness came after the family were delayed at Manchester Airport for nine hours waiting for their flight to the Canary Island.
They noticed Cici wasn't her usual self but put it down to her being tired because of the delay and travelling.
Danielle said: "It had all been a bit of a perfect storm for us because we'd travelled on the plane.
"She was exhausted and really lethargic, but we put that down to her being 17 months and that we'd been travelling all that time.
"We woke up once with her in the night and she was a little bit warm. We gave her a bit of Calpol, changed her nappy and put her back in bed.
"But by the time we got up the next morning we knew she wasn't right."
The couple have now decided to share their story, as they reveal they found solace from a support group in Warrington.
The group, called Compassionate Friends, is for bereaved parents and gives them a place they shared their experiences with other couples who had gone through the heartbreaking loss of a child.
'I felt like I was in a horror movie'
Recalling the day tragedy hit, Danielle said it felt like a 'horror movie.'
Cici took a drink of water in the morning after arriving in Lanzarote but her condition quickly deteriorated.
She was rushed to a clinic on the island, where a helicopter was waiting to take her to the nearest intensive care unit.
Within three hours, Cici had tragically died.
Danielle said: "That's what's scary for people I think - how quickly it can develop. She was our most laid back, chilled out kid.
"She had bright red hair and blue eyes, and she was dead unique looking - she looked like something out of the olden days because I used to dress her up in frills and that.
"I'd waited ages to have my little girl."
Cici had suffered meningococcal septicemia - a bacterial infection which causes blood poisoning, leading to sepsis.
Her death on May 21, 2012, was just the beginning of the trauma and torment that would scar Danielle and Dean.
The couple had to make arrangements to fly their dead daughter home, facing reluctance from airlines who feared it would 'upset other passengers'.
Danielle added: "She'd never, ever left my side, she hadn't even stayed at grandma's.
"It felt like I was in a horror movie. I can't be scared by a horror movie anymore because my actual life was that frightening.
"To hold your dead kid in your arms for two hours when she had died, just because I couldn't let go of her."
Danielle and Dean returned from the hospital to the villa, where Joey and Ellis had been staying with Danielle's sister Jodie and Dean's brother Matt, who are also a married couple.
They broke the news to their young sons, then aged four and three, and the process of trying to come to terms with the tragedy began.
Dean said: "I can't remember the first days and weeks after she died because you're just in some kind of trance.
"The biggest thing is your personality just completely changes overnight - and then you start behaving in a way you never have before.
"That's hard because people start saying 'oh you're not the person you used to be' and you start fighting against it. You're in your own head all the time."
Having already suffered the heartache of losing their young daughter, Danielle and Dean were left fearing the worst when Ellis came down with a raging temperature on the following night.
He was unwell for a couple of days but thankfully recovered.
'I could feel ill for a week'
After returning to Worsley, the couple say they were only offered anti-depressants from their GP and decided against taking them.
Instead, they embarked on a process involving group therapy, hypnotherapy and a raft of coping mechanisms such as meditation and exercise, to stop them becoming 'jibbering wrecks'.
The emotional strain from what happened caused huge damage to the couple's mental health, as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) took hold.
Danielle said: "There would have been a time where I would talk about it and then I could feel ill for a week afterwards.
"We did that initially because we were in the spotlight, and it made us ill."
Danielle and Dean struggled as they spoke to others and relived the death of their much-loved daughter.
The couple say some were 'abrupt' to them, asking why they didn't act differently when Cici was ill, while others would cross the road to avoid speaking to them.
Their experience has inspired them to be open and honest about what happened to Cici, rather than keeping quiet with a 'stiff upper lip' mentality.
Danielle said: "We're all very independent, we're all living our lives without community, which is OK until we forget there are still tragedies happening in people's lives.
"I think unless we all start talking about the bad things in life, people will feel like we felt - we felt like aliens."
As they were coming to terms with the sudden loss of Cici, they still had to find work to keep providing for their two sons.
Dean had just been released by Rochdale and was approaching clubs for playing opportunities.
For Danielle, who had been working on a freelance basis, Cici's death came before she had been due to meet with the BBC about work on Bitesize .
'You learn to live with the pain'
The couple found solace from a support group in Warrington for bereaved parents, known as Compassionate Friends, where they shared their experiences with other couples who had gone through the heartbreaking loss of a child.
Dean was supported by the Professional Footballers' Association, who helped him to see a psychotherapist.
He said: "I'd been to see counsellors, and it was useless, so I went to see a psychotherapist and learned how the brain works post-trauma.
"I'd be screwed without that, because I needed to understand why I'd gone from being this chilled out bloke to all of a sudden this raging lunatic."
Danielle, Joey and Ellis, meanwhile, were supported by the charity Meningitis Now - with the boys having innovative art therapy and anger management sessions, while Danielle also had therapy sessions.
The family say they don't know where they would be without the help of Meningitis Now, which has recently asked the couple to become ambassadors for the charity.
With collections at Dean's old football clubs Oldham, Bolton, Chesterfield, Shrewsbury and Walsall, they raised funds to give back to Meningitis Now and to fund sensory support equipment for their children's school.
Only now, almost a decade since Cici's death, do they feel able to be a strong voice for the charity.
Danielle said: "Every day you do the work. It doesn't matter how long it is.
"When your kid dies, you never feel any less pain, no matter how much time's gone by. It's just like you learn to live with the pain.
"Now is the time that I want to say to people, it's OK to not be OK, but by being that person - not just by saying it.
"I know what it's like to have that missing part of you that's never going to come back.
"Just taking the chance to say - I was that girl off kids TV, I had a kid died and everything went to s***, and I've got mental health issues - but it's OK."
Since Cici's death, Dean and Danielle have gone on to have two more children - with eight-year-old Mitzi and three-year-old Chase joining Joey and Ellis, now aged 14 and 13 respectively.
Cici is always in the family's minds - with photos of the toddler put up in their home as well as in a bracelet on Danielle's wrist.
Dean said: "If there was a drug to erase Cici out of our memory - we would have lost 17 months of incredible memories, but they were outweighed by the pain.
"As you get through the therapy, that changes - now there's no way we'd ever want to forget her because we can manage the pain.
"We talk about Cici so much, there's a massive picture of her at the top of the stairs. People will ask how many kids we have got, and it's a conversation wrecker but we don't know any other way to address it, we'll say we've had five but we've only got four.
"Then they feel horrible for asking, but if we just say we've got four we might as well just brush her out of our life."
The couple use techniques like meditation, deep breathing and cold water immersion to help with their mental health ever day to avoid 'going to a dark place'.
They are big advocates for therapy and the methods they have used to help them live with the pain of losing Cici.
Although panic attacks can still take the couple back to the horrors of the day she died, they now feel able to bring their mental health back under control and avoid 'spiralling'.
Dean said: "If I'm late for something, I'm going back to the day Cici died. I start shaking, I start panicking - and I'm just late, but my brain doesn't know the difference.
"We've spent a lot of time with a lot of good people, but there are ways of resetting by doing strategies - tapping, cold showers and whatever.
“We do all kinds of weird and wonderful things that work."
'We have a laugh... that's the only thing you can do in life'
Dean and Danielle suffered yet more loss after Cici's death, with five miscarriages in the years between Mitzi and Chase being born.
Covid brought added strain - with lockdown robbing the family of their coping mechanisms following Cici's death, while Dean's work at Bristol City kept him away from home.
But now, the pair are looking forward to a bright future with their careers.
Having done live Twitch streams online for gaming on the BiigNoobs channel in recent months, Danielle is hoping to get back on TV and radio, with work in the pipeline.
She also took on a comedy course last summer to try a completely new experience.
Danielle said: "I love making people laugh, I didn't realise how much I'd enjoy it.
"It's good - but I'm proper scared before I go up.
"I'm doing open mics and stuff because I want to learn the trade - I want to get a bit of cred from the other comedians."
Dean added: "When she goes in front of a camera or goes on stage, her eyes light up. That's what she was born to do."
Meanwhile, having left his role at Bristol City last season, Dean is now much closer to home as assistant manager for Stoke City.
Having lived through so much pain over the past decade, the couple say they are grateful for what they have, and are looking forward to the next chapter.
Danielle said: "We've had so much sadness and tragedy, but it doesn't mean that we're miserable people who don't have a laugh, in fact quite the opposite.
"The two of us mess about all the time, that's how we get through life - we're friends, we mess about, we have a laugh - and that's the only thing you can do in life."
For help or information about Meningitis Now see the charity's website, or for support call 0800 80 10 388.
