A bride-to-be has aired her frustrations after her mum tried to invite several of her own friends to her wedding because she was ‘helping to pay for it’.
The woman said her mum accused her of being ‘ungrateful’, when she tried to explain that she and her fiance wanted a ‘small and intimate’ wedding. Explaining the situation and asking for advice on Mumsnet’s ‘Am I Being Unreasonable’ forum, the woman said her mum reminded her who was ‘helping to pay’ for the big day, when she’d tried to broach the subject.
The woman wrote: “My fiancé and I are planning on getting married in a small venue with 50 guests at an absolute maximum. With our immediate families and then grandparents, aunts and uncles, as well as my fiancé’s best man, and two bridesmaids for me, this comes to 47 which we were happy with.
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“My parents have very kindly offered to help us to pay for the wedding. My mum is now saying that she wants to invite her friends to our wedding. We aren’t having a separate day/night do with extra guests arriving later etc, our only friends who are coming are in our bridal party because we wanted to keep it small and intimate. When I said this to my mum, she said I was being ungrateful and said I should remember that she is helping to pay for it.”
The woman went on to explain that to keep costs down and to keep it intimate, she and her fiance scaled back on the number of their own friends invited. She added: “I’ve tried to explain this to my mum and she keeps bringing up the money. She wants to invite her three best friends and their partners, as well as at least four other friends and their husbands too.”
To accommodate this, the bride-to-be said she and her husband would have to cut down their own list. She then reached out for advice, adding: “I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to upset my mum and she is helping us financially but I can’t help thinking she has had her wedding. My fiancé and I don’t want to invite loads of people who aren’t our own close friends. I don’t know how to broach this with my mum without her getting defensive, angry or upset with us.”
Many people replying to the post held the same opinion. One person said: “Tell her that you're grateful, but you didn't realise when you accepted her offer that it came with strings attached and you'd rather pay for your own wedding than have a wedding you're not going to enjoy.”
Another added: “Give the money back to her and invite who you want.” One person wrote: “She's being completely unreasonable. I'd offer her her money back.”
Another said: “She is being unfair holding the money over you, give it back and save yourself future the hassle of her interference with any other aspects where she feels she's bought the right to dictate your wedding to you.”
Another person said: “Take back control and keep limit at 50. Tell your Mum you will pay yourself. I bought my dd wedding dress, shoes and paid for her hair and did not ask for any of my friends to attend. It is your day, you Mum has had her day.”
While one Mumsnet user added: “MY DD [dear daughter] is getting married. I am paying 100% of everything. No input at all into guest list and she and partner sent out invites. A couple couldn't make it and our friends have taken those slots - is that a compromise option?”
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