A mum has expressed her shock after her ex-husband's wife-to-be asked her to legally change her surname.
The mum explained she and her ex-husband have been separated for four years and divorced for one, while he's been with his fiancee for three and a half years. She stressed there's "no conflict" among them and she and her ex share custody of their daughter 50/50.
When their divorce was finalised, the mum kept her married name because she didn't want to have a different surname to her daughter, nor did she want to deal with the "hassle" of changing it.
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But now, her ex's fiancée has asked her to consider reverting to her maiden name before they get married.
The mum took to Mumsnet's popular Am I Being Unreasonable [AIBU] forum to seek advice.
In a post titled "Been asked to change my name by Ex's partner!" she penned: "I have been separated from my ExH [ex husband] for 4 years, divorced for about a year. He has been with his new partner for about 3.5 years. I'm settled, everyone happy, no conflict and my daughter goes 50/50 between us. All good.
"BUT I have never changed my name because I don't want to have a different surname to my daughter. Also, I just can't be bothered with the hassle tbh [to be honest]. I see it as my name and my identity really. It would be strange to go back to my maiden name now.
"My ExH is looked to get remarried and he's contacted to say that his partner would be more comfortable if I changed my name back so that she can adopt her married name. My brain can't quite decide if I'm being unreasonable by refusing? I just don't want to change my name".
The mum's post was met with 1,000 responses from fellow Mumsnet users, keen to share their thoughts.
One Mumsnet user said: "Not at all unreasonable. Is there a reason she is so insecure?"
Another said: "Definitely not unreasonable! There’s nothing to stop her being Mrs Ex’s surname."
A third commented: "What a t***!! Tell them both to jog on".
And a fourth said: "No, she's the one being weird about it imo [in my opinion]! There must be thousands of people with the same name. Changing yours may also have practical consequences for travel and such (ime [in my experience] some countries are weird about people travelling with kids who don't have the same surname!)"
Another suggested: "Of course you're not being unreasonable, it's your surname. If she's not happy to have the same name as you, she can always ask him to take hers."
And another said: "Yanbu [you are not being unreasonable]. What a weird and cheeky pair. The name doesn't belong to him."
One Mumsnet user said: "Of course you aren't being unreasonable. I've not bothered changing my name either. If I remarry then I will change it then. Dp's [dear partner's] ex hasn't changed her name. In the real world many people don't, too much hassle and unlike in fiction, we don't all hate our ex's".
And another commented: "The absolute audacity! It's your name, you didn't borrow it from him, you changed your name once married and that became your new name. I'd tell them to p*** off!"
In follow up comments, the mum said: "It's a very common name too. Think 'Davies' kind of thing. Tbh [to be honest] I was so taken aback that I don't actually know how to respond. They seem to think it's a very reasonable request. I feel like I'm losing my marbles trying to digest this one", before adding: "Have now responded with '[laughing emoji] I'm assuming that's a joke...?' Let's see where that gets me."
In a further follow up comment, she elaborated on the situation: "Reply this morning. 'It's just something we feel should be between a married couple. Otherwise all three of us will have the same surname. Have a think about it and let me know if you need help covering the costs of changing docs etc'.
"I went back and said the following 'thanks for the offer but i won't be changing it on your say so. Perhaps in the future when DD is older I will decide I'd like to change it. For now I will be keeping it. I do wish you both the very best though.'
"I won't be engaging with any more of it now even if I do get a reply. I think that's fair?"
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