A mum has expressed her annoyance over her neighbour's daughter 'spying' on her whenever she's in her garden.
The child is six-years-old and has started peering through her back gate, or the crack in the back fence, to watch her. At first, the mum was unaware the little girl was "secretly watching" until her neighbour confessed what the young girl was doing.
Now, the mum has seen the child's feet at the bottom of her gate and feels "awkward" knowing she's there, watching her.
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The mum's own child is friends with the little girl and they often play together, though this is usually pre-arranged. The mum feels the child may be watching them in the hopes of being invited in to play with her own child, but she doesn't want to feel pressured into inviting the child in.
She sought advice on Mumsnet's popular Am I Being Unreasonable forum [AIBU], with a post titled "[AIBU] To not want child spying on us in our garden?". The mum penned: "Our neighbour lets her daughter (age 6) peer through our back gate or a crack in the back fence quietly watching us, with her nose up against the fence. The houses aren’t next to each other, she comes down the lane behind the houses and stares in. I know she does this because her mum has told me, and yesterday I could see her feet at the bottom of the gate.
"My child is friends with her and she comes to play sometimes. I don’t mind her coming in to play when we’ve arranged it, but I do mind being secretly watched in my garden and the parents thinking it’s [okay] to let them. Also it’s awkward knowing they’re there watching us when I don’t always want to invite them in.
"AIBU to think parents should stop their child from staring through a crack in someone’s fence/gate because it’s rude? AIBU to think I’m entitled to privacy in my own garden?
"I know she’s only a kid but it’s mostly about the parents not stopping it, and also about setting boundaries with neighbours as I don’t want to have to invite them in every time the child appears at the back gate."
The mum's post was met with hundreds of responses from fellow Mumsnet users, keen to share their thoughts.
One Mumsnet user said: "Every time she does it you open the gate, say kindly but firmly “off you go now, it’s rude to peer into people's gardens” and if it persists, you start bringing her back home and telling her parents not to let her do it. Tell her if she wants to call to play with your DD [dear daughter] that’s fine, but she can’t just stand there outside the fence."
Another quipped: "I'd be having loud sweary inappropriate conversations or playing explicit music".
A third said: "Open the gate and tell her to stop being nosy and go home. A 6 year old will be embarrassed and frightened of being told off again, so she won't do it again."
And another joked: "quick blast of the hosepipe will solve this."
A fifth commented: "It’s rude. It’s worse that a parent isn’t calling her out. Plant something or cover up the gap."
And another said: "Her parent brings her down the lane and waits while she has a snoop? Just open the gate and tell them you don't like being watched through the fence! Don't go to the bother of special planting or fence alterations."
One Mumnset user said: "I agree, open the gate and tell her off every time she does it. Take her back home if necessary. It will either embarrass her or embarrass her parents enough that they stop her doing it."
And another added: "YANBU at all. Try and cover the gap. I know you shouldn't HAVE to but, well I would... Rather than have a neighbourhood war."
In a follow up comment, the mum said: "Just for the record, I’m not afraid of speaking to the child or the parents and I haven’t said it’s a massive issue. I just asked if IABU [I am being unreasonable] to feel the way that I do about privacy and boundaries.
"I don’t mind inviting her in to play sometimes. She isn’t peering in out of loneliness, she’s got her own siblings to play with, she’s from a big family. She’s just out in the back lane being nosy. She's a nice kid, I just don’t like being watched in my garden.
"Again, I have no intention of hosing anyone else’s children or being nasty to anyone. Thanks for all the replies."
At the time of writing, 84% of Mumsnet users voted the mum wasn't being unreasonable to be annoyed by her neighbour.
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