Todd Muller says he doesn’t know and has given up trying to understand what snapped inside him the day the world as he knew it changed. He speaks to political editor Jo Moir in his last ever interview as an MP.
With the sun on his face, sitting on a park bench overlooking the Beehive and Parliament buildings, Todd Muller recalls a slightly paraphrased version of an old Harry Truman quote, “as the saying goes, as a politician if you want a friend, get a dog”.
Shutting the door on nine years in politics, Muller says he’s had his moments but that’s not been his experience.
Green Party co-leader James Shaw and former New Zealand First MP Fletcher Tabuteau are two of Muller’s closest friends from his time as an MP, and when he delivered his valedictory speech last week, he was flanked by his National Party buddies, Andrew Bayly on one side and Matt Doocey on the other.
A real political cocktail the five of them make, but enduring friendships they are.
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He was once part of a pack that became known in Parliament’s corridors as ‘The Four Amigos’, which consisted of MPs Mark Mitchell, Chris Bishop, their former colleague Alfred Ngaro, and Muller.
Ngaro and Mitchell came from the class of 2011 while Muller and Bishop joined forces in the class of 2014 – together the four were seen to have a leadership role on behalf of the backbenchers in 2016 when John Key resigned, and Bill English was being lined up to replace him.
Then in 2020 when Muller hit go on his bid to roll Simon Bridges as leader, he did so with the backing and strategic help of close allies, Bishop, and Nicola Willis.
In the aftermath of his 53 days in the job, his mental health breakdown, and eventual return to Parliament, Muller found himself mostly on his own in a caucus that had been decimated by the election result.
“I turned up here in late-2020 caught between trying to apologise and rebuilding a career, walking around constant triggers of what might have been,” he said in his valedictory speech last week.
“It is important to provide suitable space for rehabilitation, including some distance from scrutiny and accountability. We do that for cancer; we should do it for poor mental health.
“In my case, that largely happened with the mainstream media, but less so with some in my party still coming to terms with a terrible 2020 result.
“I hope that when the occasion arises in the future, for it surely will, empathy replaces silence, and understanding – blame,” he said.
'A hug and you move on'
Muller went about settling back into Parliament life while trying to work through his mental health recovery and the resentment some in the caucus held.
Six months later, in June 2021, Newsroom published a story with anonymous criticism of returning MP Harete Hipango, who had missed out at the 2020 election but was coming back to the caucus via the list after the resignation of Nick Smith.
Newsroom spoke to several National MPs for the story but Muller was the only one outed, after his long-time friend Barbara Kuriger dobbed him into then-leader Judith Collins.
Collins called a late-night caucus meeting where Muller was told to announce he would resign from the party at the 2023 election or face a vote to suspend him from caucus.
“It’s something I’m certainly not proud of, what I did there." – Todd Muller
He said he would leave, but just six months later Christopher Luxon was voted the new leader of the party and Muller immediately reversed his retirement decision.
He was considered a likely Cabinet minister in any future National government up until his decision in March this year not to contest the October election.
That reckoning boiled down to not believing he had it in him to commit to the 80-to-100-hour work weeks that come with a ministerial role.
Much water has gone under the bridge and Muller leaves the building having mended some strained friendships and others that had been ripped apart.
“There’s nothing I need to say that hasn’t already been said, apart from acknowledging the tremendous work Judith has done as the spokesperson for science and technology, in particular,” he told Newsroom.
“Barbara and I are fine, we’re both in the class of 2014, and as happens in this place you have a moment and a couple of acknowledgements and a hug and you move on, otherwise it’s all too much and weighs you down – it’s wasted energy.”
When he spoke in his valedictory speech of having done some things well and others not so well, he was in part reflecting on the comments he made about Hipango.
“It’s something I’m certainly not proud of, what I did there,” he told Newsroom.
Immediately after his final speech last week, MPs shuffled seats to make room for the next speaker, which led to Muller sitting next to Hipango.
To many it looked like an awkward and uncomfortable situation for them both.
As it turns out the pair have moved on.
“It was lovely to sit beside her and what was particularly touching was how genuinely warm she was about what I just said, it meant a lot.”
Muller says after a difficult period for the whole party the caucus is “unrecognisable, but the people are the same”.
He puts that down to the leadership of Luxon and Willis, whom he has nothing but praise for.
As for Bridges, whom he went head-to-head with in a caucus vote and beat, Muller says the pair are on better terms.
“I haven’t seen him for ages, but we have occasional calls and text conversations.
“Bygones are bygones – he’s living his best life in India I see, at the moment, with that delegation over there, and in a country this small I think it’s really important you give your best in this fascinating place and then you step away and ideally still can have professional engagement with all sorts of people.”
Outside of the National Party there have been other moments and relationships that stand out too.
Knowing Winston Peters
For 34 years Muller and New Zealand First leader Winston Peters have known each other.
“At a personal level he had been, and still is someone, that I’ve always got on exceptionally well with.”
The pair first met when Peters was with the National Party and Muller’s local MP. He agreed to come and speak at Waikato University to help Muller launch the Young Nats on campus.
They reunited when Muller was working at Parliament for then-Prime Minister Jim Bolger and the pair regularly enjoyed drinks together late in the evening.
“When you boil it all down, it just comes down to enjoying each other’s company. He’s someone who is just immensely great company, would fire up about all sorts of issues I’d disagree with him on, but he was always generous to a fault whenever we caught up.”
At the time Muller became leader of National, Peters was supportive in the media of his rise and “when I fell over a couple of months later, I understand he was also quite generous in terms of his comments”.
Muller still has absolutely no clue what triggered his first panic attack on day five of his leadership.
“I have no idea and part of healing is being able to let that go, because early on in my recovery it was a question I could ask myself 50 times a day.”
There was no build-up in the days before, it simply came out of nowhere, he tells Newsroom.
“I walk out of here genuinely with love of family intact, and some really close friends from both sides." – Todd Muller
Other than his time as leader, which despite the way it ended is one of his proudest achievements, Muller holds the work he did alongside Shaw on the Zero Carbon Act as the other huge success from his time in politics.
After months of meetings, debates, and team work to get it to a point it would receive bipartisan support – the beginning of Muller’s enduring friendship with Shaw – things derailed a little towards the end when New Zealand First started making manoeuvrings.
Muller spoke during the first reading of the legislation of how disappointed he was by that and how he’d been frustrated by the radio silence after such a good process getting to that point.
Regardless, the National Party caucus had voted to support it – something he credits to then-leader Simon Bridges for getting across the line in the face of much pressure.
After Muller committed National’s support in the House, he sat down and received a tap on his shoulder from a Parliament messenger asking him to step outside into the ‘Noes’ corridor.
There waiting for him was then-Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern – not someone you saw in the Opposition corridors, Muller recalls.
“Her comment to me was that she acknowledged my point and how important it was for her that we stayed close and supportive of the legislation, and her commitment that we would be kept close to any minor or other changes that would happen through to the third reading,” Muller said.
“What I think that reflects, looking back, was her genuine commitment, along with James Shaw, for this piece of legislation having bipartisan support.”
It’s not surprising then that on the day he prepared to deliver his valedictory speech he received messages of support and apologies from across the House from those who both could and couldn’t be there.
Bolger, who introduced him to the building, was back last week toasting Muller at the after-party, Tabuteau was there amongst invited guests, and Shaw had sent sincere apologies from overseas.
“I haven’t found it difficult to make friends here – I’ve thoroughly enjoyed my time and sometimes been surprised at the depth of friendship I’ve been able to make with a handful of people,” Muller told Newsroom.
“I walk out of here genuinely with love of family intact, and some really close friends from both sides.
“It’s a nice way to finish.”
