Stealing is a surefire way to break someone’s trust and potentially ruin the relationship for good. Such scenarios can get ugly when they happen among family members, as you’ll come to read in the story below.
A woman who had been collecting perfumes for a long time lost a few expensive bottles after her teenage niece stole them. Upon finding out, she demanded her sister/the child’s mother pay the corresponding amount, which she says is worth “hundreds of dollars.”
The mother downplayed the incident as textbook mischievous juvenile behavior. The author insists on getting paid but asked the AITAH subreddit if she was too harsh on the teenager.
A woman had her expensive perfume bottles stolen by her teenage niece, and she wants the lost amount paid in full
AITA for demanding that my niece, or her parents, pay me back for the hundreds of dollars of perfume she stole from me?
“(Note: I’m not involving the police, suing anyone, etc. Please don’t try to argue with me about this or “convince” me why I should.)
I have a perfume collection that I started when I was a teenager slinging burritos as my first job. I have over 400 bottles at this point, I take great pride in my collection, and I use it. I’m also happy to give people decants (samples) of most of my bottles, let them sample a spray or two, give some bottles as gifts, etc.
What I have a HUGE f**king issue with is my 17 year old niece coming into my home under the guise of walking my dog, decanting bottles on her own and SELLING THE SAMPLES to her little friends. She thinks that because I have so many bottles, I wouldn’t notice some missing or getting massive dents in them. Well little miss entrepreneur failed to realize that her “private” Instagram wasn’t “friends only” or whatever and I saw each and every f**king story with each price and sample she had.
I tallied that s**t up and got a pretty good estimate based on cost per ounce. Thankfully she mostly picked the “Tiktok famous” perfumes like Bianco Latte and Escapade Gourmand and didn’t go for the most rare, niche perfumes. She did snatch an entire 2.5 oz bottle of Baccarat Rouge, though, which runs $300+ at most retailers, as well as full bottles of perfumes you can get at Sephora. Like Marc Jacobs Daisy, Burberry Her Elixir, Flowerbomb, etc.
Petty or not, I printed out the entire list of what she’d taken, price estimate, and handed it off to my sister (her mom). I said that I expect to be paid back, in full. And of course her f**king sneaky little a** is never allowed in my home again. My sister got super pissy with me going on about how my niece is just a kid, kids make mistakes, etc. I said yes, kids make mistakes, and this is a GREAT way for my niece to learn from hers.
Their argument is that now the money she was going to use for a car has to go towards paying me back. I don’t care. She is lucky that I have no interest in involving the police, small claims, or any of that. But AITA, because she IS a teenager?”
Credits: Kind-Yesterday-3237
Teenagers steal from family members because of a confused perception of ownership
The teenager’s mom may have had a valid argument when she attributed her daughter’s behavior to being a kid. According to author and psychologist Dr. Carl Pickhardt, adolescents may have a confused perception of ownership at a young age.
In an article for Psychology Today, Dr. Pickhardt explains that such behaviors are part of a young person’s desire to “break boundaries for more freedom and independence.” Such motivations may push them to steal casually to tease or aggravate a sibling.
However, these actions may progress to “borrowing without permission.” As Dr. Pickhardt notes, this can blur the line between stealing and borrowing, and the child can start making excuses like “I was going to give it back.”
Here’s where things can start becoming problematic. According to Dr. Pickhardt, teenagers may develop a mindset of taking things from their parents or other adult family members because they feel “grown enough” to enjoy clothes or, in this story’s case, expensive perfumes.
Some of the usual issues among family members can also become a reason for theft.
“Stealing from family can be an outcome of envy—jealousy of a more favored sibling who seems to be given more,” Dr. Pickhardt explained.
Image credits: Omkar Jadhav (not the actual photo)
Consequences are necessary to steer a teenager away from stealing in adulthood
The mom’s decision to let her daughter’s actions slide because she is “just a kid” may carry hefty repercussions when the teenager grows up. That’s why Dr. Pickhardt urges parents and the adults in the family to take action.
“Parents are well-advised to confront this supposedly permissible appropriation early before it leads to outright theft,” Dr. Pickhardt wrote.
It starts with educating the child about the consequences of theft and the emotional consequences that come with it. At the same time, parents should prioritize imparting the values of honesty and integrity.
In her article for Psychology Today, developmental psychologist Dr. Dona Matthews suggests doing this by teaching the child that living an honorable life feels more fulfilling than anything that may be desirable to steal.
Most importantly, Dr. Pickhardt stresses the significance of reparation through payback arrangements for the stolen item.
“There needs to be some consequence for the violation that discourages repetition of the thieving act,” he wrote.
The author was within reason to ask for payment for the stolen perfume bottles and for wanting to teach the child a lesson. She already gave enough leeway by not involving the police, which she had the right to do.
What do you think, readers? How do you feel about the author’s decision to ask for payback?
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
Most commenters sided with the author, with some calling for harsher repercussions for the teenager
