Being a parent is a sort of relay when you pass off your child to your partner from time to time. Every family is different, but it’s fair to say that both parents should probably pitch in to look after their kid. This is even more true when the child is very young, scared and injured.
A man asked the internet if he was wrong for “taking a shower” while his toddler was having his first nosebleed. This came after his wife insisted multiple times that she had checked on him. We reached out to the man in the story via private message and will update the article when he gets back to us.
Couples might argue about who looks after their child at different times
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
“I took a shower at midnight while my wife was watching TV. Who’s the AH?”
“My wife was sitting in the recliner watching her iPad right outside the kids’ bedrooms. I figure I’m in the clear to take a long shower. When I turn the shower off I hear my 3-year-old crying and screaming for daddy. I hurry.
As I’m going through the family room, I look at my wife (sitting watching her iPad) and say, “You couldn’t calm him down?” She says, “No, I tried three times.”
I go into his room and pick him up. He immediately stops crying and starts trying to catch his breath. I feel what I thought were tears dripping down my shoulder. I think: ‘poor guy has been so upset for so long; long enough for my wife to come in three times.’
Image credits: Anna Shvets / Pexels (not the actual photo)
I lay him in bed and start tucking him in. He says, ‘I have a mess.’ I figure tears and snot. I grab wipes and tissue, and turn the flashlight on my phone on.
That’s when I realized he was covered in blood. His first bloody nose, and it was bad: all over his face, arms, clothes, stuffy, blanket – and I’m covered. Those were not tears dripping down my shoulder.
I get him cleaned up, and asked my wife to shout the bloody items while I get him cleaned up. I’m tucking him in and I ask why he didn’t let mommy help. He said, ‘Mommy didn’t check on me. Somebody never checked on me.’
Now my wife is pissed at me for me expecting her to help. I’m pissed at her for not taking care of our son while I’m in the shower and she’s watching her iPad, and I’m pissed that she’s pissed I expected her to help. So, who’s the AH?”
Credits: Independent_Fox4439
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko / Pexels (not the actual photo)
It’s not hard to see why the husband was so annoyed
While people might disagree on which parenting style is best, it’s probably not controversial to state that lying to your partner about checking on a child who is actively crying seems like a bad move. Not only are you literally lying to your partner, you are letting your child know, from a very young age, that you are just unreliable. Parenting is by no means easy, but that does seem like it’s common sense.
It’s also quite telling that she immediately jumps from lying to blaming the husband. We do have to consider that we only have his side of the story and most people tend to emphasize the parts that show their own good side. Similarly, as readers (or listeners or viewers for that matter) we tend to see the “protagonist” of the story, whose perspective we inhabit, in a generally better light.
Setting that aside, although it’s always good to keep biases in mind, it still would appear that the wife, ultimately, caused the main problem by lying. Had she checked on the bleeding child and then the husband didn’t react, he might be more to blame, but as it stands, he did nothing. However, we don’t actually have the moms side of things.
It is entirely possible that she didn’t see the child’s nosebleed and decided to keep the lights off in an effort to help him sleep. His crying might make that seem unusual, but some parenting styles might emphasize letting them “cry it out” to not become too dependent. However, she then can’t exactly scold the husband for “not helping” if they were committed to doing just that. Complaining about the husband showering doesn’t really make any sense, even though some commenters think it’s strange. People can shower whenever they want.
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Trust issues are not easy to overcome
A possibly bigger issue is that their son is well aware that he can literally be in pain and have blood running from his nose (perhaps a bit concerning for a child who doesn’t know any better) and his mother might not do anything. Even if she did check in and deemed him “ok,” which then doesn’t explain why she was angry at the husband later, it’s pretty clear that he doesn’t feel this way, which could be the root of trust issues later. They aren’t the worst parents of all time by any means, but it’s not a competition.
After all, he said that “somebody never checked on me.” This is not something a child would say if they felt like they were heard. A nosebleed generally isn’t that serious outside of foreshadowing in horror movies, but it’s not like a toddler would know that. This is a very good place for a parent to build some trust and to make him understand that this somewhat unpleasant event is actually ok.
Instead, the parents bicker over who should have done what while the child suffers. In general, they both need a bit more trust in each other, although the wife does need to understand just what the disconnect between her words and actions looks like. What do you think? Read through some reader comments and feel free to share your thoughts below.
Most thought he was not to blame
But a few thought he should have been more present
