Many say actions speak louder than words, which is why telling people you can do something is not equal to actually doing it. That’s also why sometimes, when an individual does something, said action can speak a thousand words on their character or upbringing, either good or bad.
Members of the ‘Ask Reddit’ subreddit recently discussed signs that show that a person was raised right. From cleaning up after themselves to being polite to service workers, and beyond, their actions usually speak for themselves, so if you’re curious what people perceive as signs of good upbringing, scroll down to find their thoughts on the list below.
Below you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with a licensed clinical psychologist, professor at the California School of Professional Psychology, and author of Teaching Kids to Think, Dr. Ronald Stolberg, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions on how to instill good manners in children.
#1
One time, I drunk dialed my ex and I called the wrong number. It was this sweet old guy and we talked for an hour about how I shouldn’t call my ex and that I deserve better and how I just need to go to sleep and rest. I have no clue who this man is but I think about him often. He was a great human!
Image credits: mcreezyy
#2
Nothing. Sometimes the best people are good people not because their parents raised them that way, but because they used their parents as an example of how NOT to act.
Image credits: PCoda
#3
How they treat animals and people who are vulnerable.
Image credits: TacoEatinPossum13
Discussing the importance of parents teaching their child good manners, Dr. Ronald Stolberg emphasized that it’s extremely important to do that, but not for the reason you might think.
“Children who know what the expectations are for their behavior display less anxiety, are more confident, and can act naturally because they know what the expectations are for their behavior,” he explained. “Less anxiety and more confidence is something we all want for our kids.”
#4
I was working at a grocery store gas station in Arizona during the height of the pandemic. One summer night, a customer came in and pointed out an elderly man sitting in a wheelchair near the back of the building.
Long story short, it is obvious that he was dumped there. He was far away from the assisted living facility where he was staying, had no idea where he was, and given the fact that it was 110 degrees, it was lucky that he was alive.
That lady who alerted us to him? She stayed the entire time, helped figure out where he was from (he didn't speak much English), and even called her kids to say "mom's not gonna be home for awhile." She finally left after he'd been loaded into an ambulance and taken to the hospital almost 2 hours later.
Whomever had dropped him off? Worst of humanity. This woman? She was raised right.
Image credits: gogojack
#5
Nothing on their phone is ever played out loud in a public space.
Image credits: BottleTemple
“Parents need to teach by example,” the expert continued. “Lots of research going back to Albert Bandura proves that our children are active observers and that they learn a lot more by watching and observing than they do through a lecture.
“The best outcome is when parents model the expected behavior, and when they observe concerning deviations, they have a calm conversation with their child and reinforce the desired manners. Then, the best way to get the desired behavior to become permanent is to reward the desired manners. Rewards can be praise, acknowledgement, or even a fun dessert or treat. Model behavior you want to see, then when you observe it happening organically, reward it,” Prof. Stolberg advised.
#6
I'm a high school teacher. When it comes to getting kids into pairs of groups there's always a bit of awkward tension. There's always a few kids who don't have any friends and then I have to put them in a group and risk a negative reaction which makes everyone uncomfortable. When students notice, without me saying anything, who the kids are without friends and immediately go over and ask to be their partner or invite to join their group.
Image credits: AriasK
#7
When they can win a game and lose a game both without turning into a f*****g a*****e.
Image credits: Torvaun
#8
I was back in my hometown riding the city bus, two middle school boys got on the bus and sat in the priority seating. After a little while the bus started filling, at one stop an elderly lady got on with a walker and a shopping bag. The two boys popped up to give her the seat and helped her with her things.
It may seem like a common thing, but I can guarantee it won't happen in my current city.
Image credits: RampDog1
“The best way to help your child develop good manners is for them to know explicitly what is expected of them,” Dr. Stolberg emphasized. “Not every family will think the same behaviors are important, so parents need to be clear what is expected in their family. I like to call these 'family rules'. Not every family will have the same rules, but a child that knows exactly what is expected in terms of their behavior is more likely to display the desired manners and behavior.”
#9
Throwing away their fast food rubbish at a shopping center food court. I have distanced myself from someone because they said "that's the cleaner's job" no. The cleaner's job is to wipe the tables down, it's not a sit in restaurant, throw your damn rubbish out.
Image credits: nerfdriveby94
#10
They admit when they're wrong.
Image credits: lingua_frankly
#11
They are polite to minimum wage workers.
Image credits: Lilli_Puff
In an interview with Bored Panda, the expert noted that, when it comes to raising children, it’s difficult to determine what’s ‘right’. “Remember that there are significant cultural differences when it comes to things like making eye contact, shaking hands, speaking without being spoken to, and so on,” he said.
“Therefore, I think a child that is kind, considerate, and positive when talking about others was probably raised 'right' regardless of some of the other markers that we might associate with good manners, like making eye contact when speaking to you.”
#12
If they give you a ride somewhere and when dropping you off…watch to make sure you get in the door ok…they were raised right.
Image credits: igy582
#13
I'll brag. My son was a waiter at a popular spot. A tourist paid with cash, left no tip. My son noticed the bill was stuck with another of the same value (like when they come out of the ATM) so it was obviously not a tip. He went out and ran after the man to give him the money back. His coworkers asked why he didn't keep it. He said simply "it wasn't mine". Love that kid.
Image credits: Itstimetocomment
#14
Keeping trash in their pockets until they get to a trash can.
Image credits: Kunfuzzle_Weed
According to Dr. Stolberg, parents should do the best that they can to be good role models for the behavior they are looking for from their children. “It is also important to remember that nobody is perfect all the time. If parents can model that they sometimes struggle with their own manners it will help them be better teachers and be more patient while their children learn what is expected of them.
“Clear expectations, good modeling, reinforcing the desired behavior, and patience are required to teach kids good manners,” the expert summed up.
#15
They’re respectful to those with language barriers.
Image credits: RednarLothbrok
#16
How people treat other people who:
* Cannot possibly give them anything
* Are serving them
Also what they do when no one is looking, or when it would be unlikely they saw any consequences. (i.e. on anonymous forums on the Internet) ?.
Image credits: Lightsider
#17
A year after my mom died, in a moment of despair, I texted her a long message about how much I missed her and how sorry I was that we struggled to see eye to eye in her last months. I was distraught and wasn’t thinking clearly; it didn’t occur to me that her number may have been recycled. The new “owner” of her phone number texted me back and said something like, “Hey, you’ve got the wrong number, but I’m so sorry you’ve lost your mom. I’m sure she loved you and is watching over you”. I lost it. Good humans exist.
Image credits: Ok_Entrance4289
#18
The ones that pay attention to the overlooked people in a group and include them in the conversation too instead of treating them like a background character.
Image credits: TaskMaster130
#19
Offering to help with tasks as a guest at someone's house. A friend of my wife consistently offers to help prepare food and clean after I cook dinner. Fabulous dude with excellent parents.
Image credits: Jerome2232
#20
I’m in my 30s and moved my dad up to where I live a few years ago. I came home from work one day and it was pouring rain. My dad had been waiting on the porch with an umbrella to walk me from my car so I would not get wet.
Image credits: juliefryy
#21
They make their kids clean up all the toys they get out when they come to my house!
Image credits: 71077345p
#22
My senior year in high school (96), my church youth group (which was run by probably the greatest history teacher ever) took a trip to DC. Man did we have a good time. Anyway, we were taking the Metro and I was sitting in a seat. At a stop people got on. One was a lady probably in her mid 50's. I stood up and offered her my seat. She thanked me and sat down. She look at me and said "You aren't from around here, are you?" I looked at Mr. Thompson and said, "No ma'am. We are from Alabama." I don't think I had ever seen him look that proud about anything. I bet I heard him tell that story 3 times while we were on that trip. I've never felt so good about doing the right thing. Here in Alabama, that is just something we are taught. I know, tooting my own horn, but I think that qualifies. Him being so proud of me is one of my all-time fondest memories.
#23
They don’t expect something in return.
Image credits: Teddy_OMalie64
#24
Fill the tank when they borrow a car.
Image credits: puppibreath
#25
When they wait for you to get in the house/building before they leave.
Image credits: terribletoiny2
#26
When they don’t talk badly about someone’s physical appearance.
Image credits: imokayyall
#27
I bartend and worked in restaurants forever. When the ONE person in a group/party can help sort out tabs when everyone is lit, offer to help pay whatever is left, communicate appetizers properly, be kind in the midst of the chaos. Absolute gems.
#28
When they’re at your house for dinner and they offer to help with the dishes.
Image credits: erminegarde27
#29
In a meeting, some of my kid’s (middle school) teachers told me that he thanks them as he exits class each day. That made me proud even though I’m not the one who directly taught him that.
Image credits: REC_HLTH
#30
Knowing when to be kind and knowing when to be firm.
Image credits: Proper_Purple3674
