It Is hard to believe James Anderson when he says he has "made peace" with the decision by England's management that the Test against West Indies this week will be his 188th and last.
With one sentence, he "completely understands the decision", and with the next, he comments on how he feels he is "bowling as well as ever" and that all he is currently focusing on for the week ahead is playing well, bowling well and getting a win. "I'm sure the emotions during the week will change," Anderson said to the press at Lord's yesterday. "But right now that's what I'm trying to focus on to stop myself crying."
Anderson's suspension of belief that this is the end is wholly understandable. The changing of the guard is a seismic moment in English cricket. For millions, he has been an ever-present in our living rooms for the past 21 summers. And if you had tuned in to his Test debut in 2003, you still had another six months to wait before Jonny Wilkinson dropped for glory and won England the Rugby World Cup.
A giant of the sport, he is the only pace bowler in history to take 700 Test wickets, a milestone that he reached in his most recent appearance in Dharamsala, and he is second in the all-time list of Test appearances, behind only India legend Sachin Tendulkar on 200.
I've always felt age is just a number. I still feel as fit as I've ever done and bowling as well as ever
"Test cricket is literally the reason I am the person that I am," Anderson said. "It has taught me so many lessons through the years, built my resilience to a lot of things. I think the fact I'll be playing my 188th Test at just short of 42 probably makes me the most proud; the fact I've been able to play this long."
The decision to move on from Anderson marks a distinct change of strategy from captain Ben Stokes and head coach Brendon McCullum.
Until this moment, Stokes insisted on picking the best XI for the match ahead. But after the series loss in India, combined with a lower-profile summer ahead and a trip to Australia for the Ashes, that all changed. England view the next 12 months as a chance to build a squad ready to go Down Under at the tail-end of next year; a trip for which Stokes, McCullum and managing director Rob Key believed Anderson, who would by that point be 43, might no longer be ready for.
"That's pretty much it," Anderson confirmed of the reason for his enforced retirement. "The message was that they didn't think I'd make the Ashes, and they want to give as much game-time to other bowlers, so they have other people with 15 to 20 Tests under their belt before that series."
Of whether he agreed with the decision, Anderson, who took seven for 35 for Lancashire against Notts last week, said that "it's hard to say". He understands the logic, but that doesn't mean he has to like it. "I've always felt age is just a number; I don't feel 41. I still feel as fit as I ever have, like I'm bowling as well as I ever have."
Given the unenviable task of being the first to audition as Anderson's replacement is Gus Atkinson, who along with Surrey team-mate Jamie Smith will make his Test debut in Anderson's farewell, while 20-year-old Somerset spinner Shoaib Bashir will play in his first home Test.
"We've got a really good group of bowlers," said Anderson, who following this match will immediately join England's coaching team as a mentor. "Some really exciting young bowlers who've not played much Test cricket, so it'd be great to help in a small way.
"Coaching is something I've thought about, and I feel like my role in the team for the last few years has been to mentor the younger guys coming in and trying to help them settle into the team."
Elsewhere, Harry Brook returns after missing the India tour for family reasons. Chris Woakes returns to Test cricket for the first time since last summer, where he was named as player of the series in the Ashes.
