“We need some boundaries,” he tells you, while exercising some of the most casual cruelty you’ve ever seen. “This is my self-care.” If you’ve dated in the Instagram age, you’ve probably encountered “therapy speak” like this, in which professional-sounding, doctor-certified words and phrases bulldoze their way into our relationship vocabulary. Under this doctrine of mental wellness – usually professed by self-help influencers and the very worst people on TikTok – pampering oneself and cosying up to Netflix is branded as “self-care”. Relaxing is a “mental health day”. And “boundaries”? Well… those are apparently setting unattainable expectations for the people around you to meet.
“Boundaries” came under the spotlight last week as texts supposedly sent by the Superbad actor Jonah Hill were leaked by his ex-girlfriend Sarah Brady. In them, Hill allegedly told Brady – who is a professional surfer – that she cannot surf with men, post pictures of herself wearing a bathing suit, model, or have “friendships with women who are in unstable places”. Why? Because those are his “boundaries for a romantic relationship”.
