Jamie Jackson is our man at Old Trafford for Manchester United 4-0 Everton:
And that will be all from me.
Liverpool are currently beating crisis club Manchester City 1-0, thanks to a brilliant assist from Mohamed Salah for Cody Gakpo. Click here to find out more:
Bye for now.
Here is some more football content goodness from earlier today:
Apropos of … football, Napoli have just beaten Torino 1-0 away. They are four clear at the top as it stands.
⏹️ Full time: #TorinoNapoli 0-1
— Official SSC Napoli (@en_sscnapoli) December 1, 2024
💙 #ForzaNapoliSempre
Aston Villa’s most recent victory was 2-0 against Bologna in the Champions League on 22 October. As the eagle-eyed among you will have noticed, it is now December.
Anyway, Liverpool v Manchester City is very much on:
“Enzo Maresca’s side are in third place due to alphabetical order, as they have an identical record to Arsenal, while Villa slipped to 12th after a fifth successive Premier League match without victory.”
That is the Premier League’s match report.
So is it alphabetical during the season, but then away goals in head to head at the end? A curious one to consider.
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It has been brought to my attention that Arsenal are (it would appear) second on away goals scored against Chelsea, rather than alphabetical order.
If the head-to-head doesn’t separate the teams, then it comes down to away goals in the head-to-head, and Arsenal scored in the 1-1 draw at Chelsea on 10 November.
“If any clubs finish with the same number of points, their position in the Premier League table is determined by goal difference, then the number of goals scored, then the team who collected the most points in the head-to-head matches, then who scored most away goals in the head-to-head.”
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Anyone turning up at Chelsea with hopes of seeing a wild exhibition of end-to-end, brainless football should start making alternative plans. They are maturing nicely under Enzo Maresca, whose focus on control is squeezing the life out of opposition sides, and continued their rise with this emphatic win over a supine Aston Villa.
It would be tempting to talk of Tottenham at least being predictable in their unpredictability, of the way they cannot but follow up a great result with a disappointing one, of the inevitability of them, having beaten Manchester City 4-0 last weekend, failing to beat Fulham at home this. But actually the story on Sunday was far more about Fulham, how well they played and how mystifying it was they didn’t take all three points having had the better of the majority of the game.
Watching the Palmer goal again, it remains absolutely stunning, but Emery will be furious at the lack of urgency from his defenders. They just look knackered.
Stat attack: Chelsea move joint-second, also known as third. They have an identical record to Arsenal, but are third on alphabetical order.
Played 13, won seven, drawn 4, lost two, goal difference +12.
Why not treat yourself and check out the table here.
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You want Liverpool v Manchester City?
Of course you do. John Brewin has all the action:
“Whip-dee-doo-dah,” is pundit Daniel Sturridge’s assessment of Palmer’s goal as he watches the replay. And I know exactly what he means.
Full-time: Chelsea 3-0 Aston Villa
Villa were way off the pace. But Cole Palmer is a true artist, the Paul Cézanne of the Premier League.
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Full-time: Tottenham 1-1 Fulham
All part of our growth. Their growth, that is.
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And here comes Will Lankshear!
Will Lankshear comes on to make his Premier League debut 🔁#TOTFUL | 1-1
— Tottenham Hotspur (@SpursOfficial) December 1, 2024
Oh, Tom Cairney was sent off for Fulham a while back there, having scored the equaliser.
Five added minutes, minimum, at Chelsea.
Full-time: Manchester United 4-0 Everton
Heady days at Old Trafford, with Amorim off to an exceptional start.
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89 min: Felix brings a good save from Olsen as Chelsea go hunting more goals. Then he’s booked for a clumsy tackle.
87 min: As I try to calm my nerves at what a good goal that was, and how brilliant Palmer has been in an all-round excellent Chelsea display, he is taken off to a standing ovation. Lavia and Palmer off, Gusto and Felix on.
Oh my word that is a goal and a half. Having won the free-kick, it’s taken short. Madueke does well to wait for his moment and feed Palmer. “Cold” Palmer buys half a yard on the edge with a smart touch to his left. Having teed up the position and space for a shot, he wraps his left foot around the ball, calmly firing a curling, power-packed shot right into the top corner. Olsen is a mere spectator in goal as he watches the ball sail past him.
Cole Palmer is very very very good at football. And that is that.
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Goal! 83 min: Chelsea 3-0 Aston Villa (Palmer)
Cole Palmer that is a DISGRACE! What a goal!
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82 min: Caicedo shows his worth by intercepting a Villa pass and then embarking on a direct run from box to box. Old school.
He feeds Palmer, who naturally doesn’t waste the ball, but wins a free-kick near the edge of the area.
But back to Ange-ball. Two draws from winning positions in the week following the thrashing of City isn’t all that great. If indeed it finishes 1-1.
“I think everyone talks about new manager bounce,” Everton’s Dyche said on Friday before facing Manchester United and their shiny new manager. “It’s more difficult in that way … they’ve got good players, I’m sure he [Amorim] has been working with the players and trying to get his thoughts across.
“I don’t know much of his work, other than stuff from the TV, stats and facts.”
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An email! Entitled: “Reaction.”
“Disbelief mixed with fear of the inevitable stoppage time Spurs winner,” writes Richard Hirst of Tottenham 1-1 Fulham (latest score).
“I’ve been a Fulham fan for 60 years - I have previous.”
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74 min: Emery sits on his airline-style seat with his hands plunged into his pockets and a puzzled look on his fact. How does he get his team out of this current malaise? How has their form fallen off a cliff like this? My expert opinion is that they look tired. Give them a couple of days off.
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72 min: Villa have done next to nothing. But if they get a goal here it’ll make for a spicy denouement. They’ve just had one corner, and have forced another.
70 min: Cole Palmer is just very good at football. He takes a pass with Chelsea looking to break. Instead of rushing things and making a hurried decision, he slows, takes an extra touch, and has a look to see what is on. Just like that, he clips a beautiful pass that curls into the path of Jackson, making a run down the Blues’ left.
Jackson then mucks up his own pass but still. Good run, good move. Maresca now takes Jackson off for Christopher Nkunku. Noni Madueke on for Sancho too.
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67 min: Changes for Villa. Firstly, Barkley on for Kamara, which was on 62 min. Now Philogene and Rogers are off for Leon Bailey and Jhon Duran.
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Goal! 67 min: Tottenham 1-1 Fulham (Cairney)
All square in north London. You know, the longer that goes on at 1-1 …
Richard, send me your reaction ASAP please.
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64 min: Thanks to Scott for the heads up on email. Martinez, the Villa goalie, was taken off at half time, which I missed while making a cup of tea. I believe he may have been injured after that howler which nearly handed a goal to Jackson. Robin Olsen is in nets for Villa.
Goal! 64 min: Manchester United 4-0 Everton (Zirkzee)
Wowzers, United are BACK, baby! Ruben’s at the wheel.
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59 min: A break in play, unfortunately, because Fofana is going off injured for “Chels”.
Benoit Badiashile comes on. According to the commentators, Fofana stood on the ball and injured himself in the process, although in the style of a certain former Arsenal gaffer, I didn’t see it.
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“Yeah Luke, but Fulham 12 shots to Spurs’ six, and 10 corners to Spurs’ four,” fumes Richard Hirst. “Less about Ange-ball than Fulham’s customary inability to acquaint ball with net.”
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54 min: Sancho, who perhaps needless to say looks like an utterly different player to the Manchester United version, cuts in from the Chelsea left and sprints towards the box. Again Villa just look tired as they try to cover the Chelsea moves. The ball makes its way to Palmer who tries a lovely little pass back into the path of Sancho, who perhaps didn’t quite read his teammate’s intention. The ball ends up in the grateful hands of Martinez.
Goal! 54min: Tottenham 1-0 Fulham (Johnson)
Go Tottenham! Go Ange-ball! I love being wrong! And I’ve got used to it!
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And there is the commentator’s curse in full effect!
The longer Spurs v Fulham is 0-0, the more I suspect it’ll end 0-1 Fulham.
I’m a biiiiiig fan of Ange-ball after that Roma game though, as I mentioned earlier.
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Goal! 46min: Manchester United 3-0 Everton (Rashford)
The Ruben Amorim era goes from strength to strength.
Seems like Rashford has responded to this, too:
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46 min: McGinn has an early chance for the visitors and forces a save from Sanchez with a good curled effort. On the bench, Unai Emery looks suitably perplexed with his team’s plight.
Second-half kick off!
Allez!
Half-time scores
Chelsea 2-0 Aston Villa
Manchester United 2-0 Everton
Tottenham 0-0 Fulham
And here is your half-time reading – Michael Butler speaks to Tony Adams:
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45 min+1: Watkins suddenly has a sight of goal after Fernandez is dispossessed by Philogene. Watkins cracks a low shot, saved by Sanchez. Careless from Chelsea, and that might affect Maresca’s half-time team talk a bit because they were in full control until then.
45 min: We’ll have a minimum of five minutes added on at Stamford Bridge.
Tottenham v Fulham remains NIL-NIL.
Goal! 41 min: Manchester United 2-0 Everton (Zirkzee)
United win the third, fourth and fifth ball (not that I’ve seen the goal mind you) and they are 2-0 up on Everton at Old Trafford.
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41 min: Now Palmer takes a ball to feet from Caicedo and turns and shoots from the edge of the area – but he scuffs it badly. Still, lots of space to operate for Chelsea’s attackers. Villa look punch-drunk.
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It’s a classy move by Chelsea and classy assist by (who else, by the way?) Cole Palmer.
He arrows a pass to the feet of Fernandez who places a smart finish beyond Martinez from just inside the area. It’s a perfect first touch that tees up the shot perfectly, but doesn’t give the covering defenders a chance to get near him.
Villa look way off the pace defensively and their slump is threatening to become a crisis.
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Goal! 36 min: Chelsea 2-0 Aston Villa (Fernandez)
Villa were wobbling. Now they are two down.
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35 min: Chelsea are pushing. Villa are wobbling. Sancho buys a yard of space in the box and fires a shot goalwards but it’s high and wide. He has a word with the ref after, as if he wants a penalty, but his claim is waved away. Perhaps he got a little shove in the back but nothing major.
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Goal! 34 min: Manchester United 1-0 Everton (Rashford)
Manchester United, presumably having won a second ball, take the lead via Marcus Rashford.
GET INNNN!!! ⚽️#MUFC || #MUNEVE pic.twitter.com/DUYsnMlAUL
— Manchester United (@ManUtd) December 1, 2024
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Tottenham … 0
Fulham … 0
(latest score)
30 min: Deary me! After claiming that cross from Neto, Martinez dallies with the ball having put it on the deck, looking to play a pass to a defender. He eventually plays a quite dreadful pass which is almost straight into the path of Jackson, who is trying to press the ball and be a nuisance. I say almost into the path, because it’s slightly behind the striker, but he still takes a touch towards goal, and Martinez dives desperately to block. That could have raised the comedy stakes considerably.
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29 min: Neto advances threateningly down the Chelsea right. He checks back and then floats a delightfully inviting cross towards the far post. Martinez does well to leap and claim it.
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It is also sans goals at Tottenham v Fulham.
Manchester United … 0
Everton … 0
(latest score)
25 min: Scenes. Chelsea set up the free-kick from about 10 yards. Villa are of course lined up, camped on the goal line. Fernandez touches the ball to Palmer, who slams a shot straight at Martinez. Lavia has a follow up effort that is also blocked. Villa get away with it!
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23 min: Drama! Palmer mugs Tielemans on the edge of the Villa box. He turns and drills a powerful shot which is destined for the bottom corner. Martinez saves, and then the ref rules it was a backpass from Pau Torres after the ball was parried by the goalie, and the goalie picks it up! Free-kick for Chelsea near the penalty spot! Literally just outside the six yard box!
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21 min: Sancho threatens again on the left for Chelsea. Lavia with a smart ball in behind. But Villa manage to cover.
18 min: It’s been a lively start at the Bridge, with the caveat that Chelsea showed zero interest in pressing the ball in the opening moments. The Aston Villa defenders were just standing there wondering what to do with the ball. I wonder why Maresca told them to do that? Maybe a chance to have a nice little rest before getting into the game properly?
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“Luke, Morning greetings from Free State California,” writes Mary Waltz. “Looking at Everton’s December fixtures this may be the only chance for Everton to pick up points. This says a lot about both squads. Sigh.”
I’m still chuckling about Ruben Amorim’s thoughts on what to expect from Everton, that he gave on Friday:
“It’s going to be a different match, with a lot of fighting, a lot of long balls, second balls … a quality coach that understands the league.”
Oh yes, a quality coach, but terrible football, you understand. I like the cut of Amorim’s jib.
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15 min: Villa stream forward again and Watkins is one on one! Albeit from an angle. His teammate Rogers is in the middle, praying for a pass. But Watkins shoots and Sanchez saves.
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13min: Amusing emails aside, football is happening at Stamford Bridge. Villa break and Tielemans has a sniff of goal from inside the box. But Chelsea close him down and then break at high speed, and nearly fashion a sniff of their own, down the other end.
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This is the kind of Sunday football email, from Richard Hirst, that I can really get behind:
“Much discussion about how Spursy it would be for them to lose today. Well there are two teams involved and the Fulham equivalent of Spursy is Fulhamish. Given that last weekend we lost 4-1 at home to a team in the relegation zone, it would be very Fulhamish to win today. But if the Fulhamish/Spursy thing is for Fulham to win, then that is the expectation. So, in fact, the real Fulhamish/Spursy thing would be for Spurs to win. Clear so far?
“And now that I’ve jinxed Spurs by saying they will win, Fulham will win. ”
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The Villa players were protesting that Philogene was fouled by Cucurella but their protestations were utterly futile.
Goalless at Old Trafford and Tottenham Stadium.
Cucurella does well to whip the ball away from Philogene with Chelsea’s players in advanced areas after a set-piece. He exchanges passes with Sancho and plays a low ball into the middle, which takes a nick off a defender. Jackson tucks in a tidy finish off the near post. And that is 1-0.
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Goal! 7 min: Chelsea 1-0 Aston Villa (Jackson)
It’s in there.
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6 min: Morgan Rogers tries to make a break in midfield, down the middle, and appears to be fouled from behind. But the referee lets play continue and Chelsea can clear.
Bill Leslie and Alan Smith are back with us on comms. Sancho cuts in from the Chelsea left and links with Palmer. A quiet start so far overall though.
This is interesting: Chelsea are showing no interest in pressing from the front early doors.
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David Jones has been pressed into service as lead commentator. This is big.
Sky Sports have got some audio problems so the presenter and pundits are commentating for the moment.
I had some team news problems and said Bailey was starting for Villa which was wrong. Apologies.
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First half kick off!
Here we go.
Maresca has made 10 changes from the midweek win at Heidenheim. Jadon Sancho is the player to keep his place in the lineup.
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How big is three points against Aston Villa, Enzo Maresca is asked. (I live for this stuff.)
“It’s a big game,” Maresca says. “It will be a tough game, the same as the rest. We are not focused on the top four. We are just focused on the game.”
Is it a formation change? “It could be. We’ll see.”
Great, thanks for that. And why is he starting with Jadon Sancho?
“Jadon Sancho is doing well … he was very good in the Conference League. I said many times. He’s very important for us, and hopefully he can help us.”
Second comment on this: “What a team. I love football hehe.”
Don’t we all mate.
Chelsea's starting XI is in! 📋🔵#CFC | #CHEAVL pic.twitter.com/nma6ssknnZ
— Chelsea FC (@ChelseaFC) December 1, 2024
The live game on a well-known sports broadcaster is Chelsea v Aston Villa. I must say that after Tottenham v Roma on Thursday, the most entertaining game I’ve seen in ages, I’d rather watch Spurs v Fulham.
But as a wise person once said: “It is what it is.”
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I could have sworn Micah Richards just called his fellow pundit Daniel Sturridge “Dave”. It was all getting a bit heated in the studio there for a second.
Tottenham v Fulham teams
Tottenham Hotspur: Forster, Porro, Dragusin, Davies, Udogie, Sarr, Bissouma, Maddison, Johnson, Son, Werner. Substitutes: Austin, Reguilon, Gray, Bergvall, Kulusevski, Spence, Lankshear, Olusesi, Williams-Barnet.
Fulham: Leno, Tete, Diop, Bassey, Robinson, Berge, Lukic, Iwobi, Smith Rowe, Nelson, Jimenez. Substitutes: Benda, Wilson, Rodrigo Muniz, Cairney, Traore, Castagne, King, Sessegnon, Amissah.
Referee: Darren Bond
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Manchester United v Everton teams
Manchester United: Onana, Mazraoui, de Ligt, Martinez, Diallo, Casemiro, Mainoo, Dalot, Fernandes, Rashford, Zirkzee. Substitutes: Bayindir, Maguire, Mount, Hojlund, Malacia, Garnacho, Antony, Shaw, Ugarte.
Everton: Pickford, Young, Tarkowski, Branthwaite, Mykolenko, Doucoure, Gueye, Lindstrom, McNeil, Ndiaye, Beto. Substitutes: Virginia, Begovic, Patterson, Mangala, Calvert-Lewin, Harrison, O’Brien, Coleman, Armstrong.
Referee: John Brooks
Updated
Chelsea v Aston Villa teams
Chelsea: Sanchez, Caicedo, Fofana, Colwill, Cucurella, Lavia, Fernandez, Sancho, Palmer, Pedro Neto, Jackson. Substitutes: Jorgensen, Adarabioyo, Badiashile, Mudryk, Madueke, Joao Felix, Nkunku, Gusto, Veiga.
Aston Villa: Martinez, Cash, Konsa, Torres, Digne, Kamara, Tielemans, McGinn, Rogers, Philogene-Bidace, Watkins. Substitutes: Olsen, Diego Carlos, Mings, Barkley, Duran, Buendia, Maatsen, Bogarde, Bailey.
Referee: Stuart Attwell
Preamble
You lucky, lucky people. There is yet more football on today, and lots of it. As far as His Majesty’s Premier League is concerned, kicking off at 1.30pm we have Chelsea v Aston Villa, Tottenham v Fulham and Manchester United v Everton.
And it’s all LIVE right here, via frantically written and sarcastic text updates on the goals as they fly in. Or as they don’t fly in, as the case may be.
Strap yourselves in and also email me with your football-related thoughts, stories and funny banter.
