The beauty of a relationship is that it allows you to grow and learn something new about your partner every day. The ugly side is that sometimes you learn something unexpected about your partner that could change the trajectory of your relationship. This Redditor unfortunately belongs to the latter category. Her whole world came tumbling down when she learned on a family trip that her boyfriend of five years shared a romantic history with his stepsister when they were younger.
More info: Reddit
Secrets are recipes for disaster in a relationship
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
The author discovered while on vacation with her boyfriend’s family that he had slept with his stepsister
Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual photo)
He was wasted and spilled about his sexual history with her
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The author provided an update to the story
The Original Poster (OP) went on a family trip with her boyfriend of five years. On the trip were his mom, dad, stepbrother, stepsister, and other relatives. One night, while intoxicated, the OP was telling her boyfriend how much she liked his stepsister. He, however, was suggesting that the OP dress more like her.
The OP playfully mentioned in passing that it sounded like he had a thing for her, which prompted him to reveal that they (the OP’s boyfriend and his stepsister) had slept together on many occasions over 15 years ago.
To make matters worse, he kept bragging about it throughout the night, almost as if he was proud of himself, which repulsed the OP. No one in his family seems aware of the incident except his best friend. The OP is deeply disgusted by the entire situation and is forced to re-evaluate their entire relationship.
The author provided an update to the story after two days. Apparently, they were 15 or 16 years old when they slept together. Once his parents learned about this, they ended the relationship. Regardless, she broke up with him because, in addition to what he told her about his stepsister, he was also an abuser who had hurt her four or five times throughout their relationship.
Image credits: Torsten Dettlaff (not the actual photo)
“Getting used to a new person’s history can put us in a difficult situation,” according to Tim Hill. We want to be with the new person and love them very much, but sometimes our minds wander back to the things they have done in their past and the people they used to be.
Our partner’s past can be overwhelming: accepting the person as they are now while also trying to accept who they were and the things they did. We feel inclined to try and have them tell us all the details of their history so we can become familiar with it, but we can quickly become overwhelmed by hearing too much.
Counseling psychologist and therapist Neha Anand on Bonobology says, “Embrace your feelings fully after having a conversation with your partner.” The next time you find yourself thinking, “My partner’s past bothers me so much,” don’t shrug it off or sweep it under the rug. Instead, probe into your own line of thought and get to the root of the issue. Don’t invalidate (or let someone invalidate) your insecurities. This is how to begin accepting your partner’s past.
Commenters had one thing to say: “dump him”. They assured her that she was definitely underreacting and she needed to leave as soon as possible.
The general consensus in the comment section was to dump him
Image credits: Vanessa Garcia (not the actual photo)
