Having a newborn sometimes comes with unsolicited advice and comments — especially from older people who think their experience automatically trumps yours.
After constantly being judged by her in-laws for her parenting style, a woman just about had enough when she caught her mother-in-law secretly trying to feed her three-month-old son formula.
Her immediate reaction was to confront the MIL, storm out and figure out how better to set boundaries in the future. Little did she expect that it would lead to a full-blown family drama.
Woman catches MIL feeding baby without her consent
Image credits: nenetus/Envato (not the actual photo)
She talks about interference and judgment from her in-laws
Image credits: Zinkevych_D/Envato (not the actual photo)
The incident that pushed the mother to take a stand
Image credits: Independent-State802
Even the tiniest actions can carry unexpected risks for babies
Image credits: Daiga Ellaby/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
While it is common for grandparents to weigh in on childcare, sometimes it can go overboard.
Feeding a baby against the parents’ wishes can lead to major health problems or allergic reactions that the grandparents may not be aware of.
In the post, the woman stressed that formula itself isn’t a problem at all, she just didn’t want to give it to her child especially when breastfeeding was working fine.
And the main problem for her was with her mother-in-law feeding the child without her consent.
Boundaries aren’t optional, especially when a baby is in your care
Image credits: Kelly Sikkema/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Grandparents can have a positive effect in children’s lives — by providing emotional support, and by spending quality playtime with kids in ways parents often don’t have time for.
But often, they can overstep boundaries by giving unsolicited parenting advice, giving your child food you wouldn’t allow or not following your child’s schedule or routine.
Some disagreements may also be due to intergenerational differences.
A survey found that 6% of parents said they had major disagreements, while 37% reported minor disagreements with one or more grandparents over parenting choices.
The most common areas of disagreement were discipline (57%), meals/snacks (44%), and TV/screen time (36%).
When such disagreement happen, parents can often feel judged or incapable — like they don’t know how to parent their own child.
Experts say new parents should set boundaries right away — so you don’t end up in arguments or confrontations later, like what happened with this mom.
“It’s hard for [grandparents] to readjust and realize that their kids are adults and now they can make their own decisions. I think a lot of grandparents inadvertently step on the toes of the parents and do things which, to the grandparents, seem normal. But, actually it’s an invasion of their territory.” parenting expert Esther Wojcicki told CNBC.
“While people aren’t angry at each other, they can sit down together and just talk about the golden rules for how to make parenting and grandparenting work for both sides,” Wojcicki added.
Experts also suggest seeking the guidance of a professional if setting boundaries feels tricky, or your parents keep ignoring them.
Grandparents can play an important role in the children’s lives, if they know when to step in and when to step back.
“Grandparents can give much support to their families by providing a listening ear to both their children and grandchildren, free of judgement or unsolicited advice. This allows a safe space that is sorely needed by all,” Trupti Prasad, a pediatrician in Melbourne, told ABC news.
The woman addresses concerns about boundaries and the family drama that followed
Support poured in, with people saying her MIL was way out of line
Following the responses, she provided more details about her situation
