A common pitfall of dating and life in general is the ever-present question of who pays for what. From social responsibility to gender norms to differences in income, every person has their own formula at play.
TikTok user thewaterboy shared a video of a first date where the woman was quite unhappy that he insisted on splitting the bill. Commenters shared their thoughts and how they would have acted in this situation. We reached out to thewaterboy via Instagram DM and will update the article when he gets back to us.
More info: TikTok
Different people have different expectations for who pays the dinner bill
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / envato (not the actual photo)
A man went on a first date with a woman he met on Tinder
He insisted that they split the bill seeing as it’s a first date
She wouldn’t let it go so he explained his reasoning
“THIS is what it’s like dating in Miami. I gotta move somewhere else, these girls are ENTITLED”
@thewaterboyI dont even know her and she wanted to split the bill??? After SHE ordered an appetizer that i didnt want!! THIS is what its like dating in MIAMI smh. I gotta move somewhere else, these girls are ENTITLED.♬ original sound – Water Boy
The man paying for a date isn’t as old of an idea as many might think
It’s important to start by laying out the basics. The norms of dating don’t just differ from culture to culture, but, traditionally, from social group to social group. The modern “norms,” whether someone cares about them or not, originated in the late 19th century, during the Industrial Revolution.
Many working-class men and women all found themselves living in close proximity in towns and cities, with both genders working. At the time, women would still be paid quite a bit less than men, so, during any form of courtship, it would be expected that the man “treats” his date, by paying the bill, for the tickets to some event or whatever else they were doing.
It was still normal, at the time, for people to send money “back” to their families, often in the countryside. As a result, between staying alive and supporting their families, working women practically didn’t have any money for entertainment or anything that we might see as a date in this day and age.
The standards and norms of dating have constantly changed throughout history
Image cfredits: Jep Gambardella / pexels (not the actual photo)
In case you were wondering if there was any significant difference between the idea of dating and courtship, in the past, one would rarely take their date to a “public” event, instead, you would meet at each other’s homes or in the court of a ruler. As you can imagine, this would hardly apply to the vast majority of the population, yet it’s still the word we associate with these actions.
But in the 21st century, times have changed. While there still is a wage gap between men and women, it’s not uncommon for women to go out with men who are significantly poorer than them. At the same time, some of the social obligations of men have not yet changed. As many of the comments note, there is a strong belief among certain cohorts that if you ask someone out, you should pay for it as well.
This does seem to be the opinion of the unhappy woman in the video. Even much later, when the issue has been “settled” she is still bringing up this event in the car. It would appear that she is happy to forgo enjoying the rest of her night out to fight this battle. While it’s fair enough to argue that she shouldn’t pay, as he asked her out, one does have to question why she felt the need to order appetizers.
Some thought first dates shouldn’t be subjected to the same rules
Image credits: Jep Gambardella / pexels (not the actual photo)
Some comments defended him, arguing that it was just a first date. Why exactly should she feel entitled to a free meal, with sides, for showing up? If she is the kind of person who expects to be paid for during a date, that’s fair enough, it’s her prerogative. However, arguing about it later is simply petty, unless she truly wanted him to, for example, Venmo her the money. In a sense, this experience is the perfect example of why people have first dates. It’s better to understand that you aren’t compatible.
All in all, with no resolution, this serves as another example of why communication is key. This date did not have to go poorly, but because both parties had different expectations about one important thing, the bill, everything went south from that point on. While in the past, there was one standard when it came to dating etiquette, this is changing all the time, so it’s best to be open and clear.
Viewers were split, with some arguing he should have just paid
Others thought he was right to want to split the bill
Later, thewaterboy shared a follow-up video of his thoughts on people’s reactions
“These Girls Are Entitled”: Guy’s First Date Sparks A Heated Debate On Who Should Pay Bored Panda@thewaterboy Replying to @Stephanie Jones4444 ♬ original sound – Water Boy
