The beginning of a new relationship is usually a lot of fun. The two of you are getting to know each other, discovering mutual interests, and exploring new places.
But when Reddit user AudDMurphy told his girlfriend of three months that he wanted to go on a trip for his 40th birthday, the couple got into a fight.
Eventually, the woman issued an ultimatum: either he pays for her to join or cancels his plans altogether.
Image credits: DaniDG_ / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Pressmaster / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: AudDMurphy
Wanting to go away together at this stage of the relationship isn’t anything scandalous. In fact, one survey discovered that six in ten people think it’s a good idea to do it with someone you’ve been seeing for three months.
A romantic getaway allows us to escape not just our everyday surroundings, but also the distractions that might hat might hinder deeper intimacy. It provides an opportunity to strengthen the bond and create lasting memories together.
And indeed, most of the people who reacted to the story didn’t have a problem with the timeline per see. It’s the ultimatum that they thought sounded unreasonable.
“When you state your boundaries, you’re setting standards in order for the relationship to succeed,” notes Josiah Teng, a New York City-based therapist.
Image credits: Luis Zambrano / Pexels (not the actual photo)
This can be really helpful; you’re telling your partner what your needs and limitations are so you can both get along better and have clear expectations for one another. People can communicate these boundaries without threatening to retaliate or do something in return.
But when you give an ultimatum, you’re effectively saying that those standards have been violated and something needs to change.
They usually stem from desperation. “People often give ultimatums as a last resort when there is an identified ‘deal breaker’ in the relationship that they feel trapped by,” adds Teng. “It could be a chronic habit, like drinking, or a one-time event, like cheating.”
In the case of AudDMurphy, there seems to be no major issue, so the ultimatum comes off as a way for the woman to exert control over him.
Most of the people who read the story thought the man did nothing wrong
However, some said he could have handled the situation better
