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Entertainment
Chantelle Schmidt

MAFS Recap: The Experts Are Pissed That Two Grooms Got Their Dicks Wet Ahead Of The Weddings

Our first Married At First Sight Commitment Ceremony. Christ. If you thought the other MAFS recaps
the MAFS cast would leave before they gained at least 10K Instagram followers Tahnee Mermade Hair Ollie
mafs recap
#GIFTED!!!
Duncan
mafs recap
hideous
Josh Melissa their last argument
mafs recap
no touching
Bronte Harrison Shannon
mafs recap
doll….
Jesse
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
It’s school photo day!!!
MAFS brides and grooms MAFS
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
being in love looks…fun
Lyndall MAFS
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
cruel to be kind, in the right measure
Claire Alessandra
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
Adam
bollocks!
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
inhale, exhale
MAFS recap Ash Nick
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
and that’s the trooth!
!!!!!
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
i should’ve done yoga this morning
T-T-TODAYYYYY JUNIOR
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
forgive me John Aiken for i have sinned
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
should’ve looked in that phone
hehehehehe i knew it!!
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
o fuck
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
JBHSBHAGbxjubv
MAFS MAFS
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
i’m a celebrant… get me out of here!
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
hold on, let me get me glasses
MAFS couple
well done
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
how do u do, fellow kids?
MAFS Mel Schilling
lol did she just say clasp?
MAFS Alessandra Rampolla
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
Get that P Davidson dick gf!!!
MAFS
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
someone revive me from this unexpected surprise
Melinda Layton
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
look at u, giving the man a chance! Proud!!
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
BAHAKJBVBFVHBHFKRVHRFEDBV
o grow up
Alyssa
thnx 4 nuthin
Dan Sandy one of their wedding guests ends up being his girlfriend
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
they stayed, in case u cared
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
i’m gunna need some medicinal cannabis to calm down
us penises, we must stick together
’twas a hoot!
distance makes the vag grow fonder
Harrison Bronte
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
o so now u choose to be honest
MAFS
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
u little shit
stop giving me tit cakes if u wanna get along
MAFS wedding
me
MAFS
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
I DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THAT WOMAN
this is too good
MAFS
i hope he’s not recyclable
pink-dress Jessica is a good friend to tell Bronte the information
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
how do u like them apples, daddy
oops forgot to get clothed
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023
u gon learn today
surely fkn not
i’m not done
one tearless day is all i ask
this is wot dreams r made of
what a flop!
Caitlin
Christ, woman
MAFS MAFS MAFS
ya reckon???
feels
don’t be played for a fool my girl!!
listen here, fuckface
MAFS
BOOSHIT!
da fuq u just say son
this is wot dreams are made of
MAFS Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer who will be suffering through the pain of MAFS 2023 with you. You can follow her here. Want more MAFS? You can sign up to our MAFS newsletter and listen to our We’ve Done The MAFS podcast (featuring yours truly) to keep yourself in the vortex.

The post MAFS Recap: The Experts Are Pissed That Two Grooms Got Their Dicks Wet Ahead Of The Weddings appeared first on PEDESTRIAN.TV .

up until this point were cooked, this will likely do a number on you. I hope. It’s “decision day” and why do we pretend that anyone from ? You’re no one until your double digits, right? (I, also, am no one.) Speaking of influence, has made the team at very happy after told her she looks like a… mermaid on national TV. Christ Prince Eric (), put a shirt on. Disney Daddy () is protecting his penis while he and Horny Mum () try and move forward from . and Bunnings Daddy () are arguing again and save it for the couch, kids. Meanwhile, is living proof that exes really do take a toll on you. has also taken on a different form with not one, but two (!!!) man buns. He looks like a hipster dinosaur. It’s time for the to check in with Da Boiz and Da Galz ahead of the Commitment Ceremony. No seriously, can someone check on Shannon? isn’t going to hang out with Da Galz prior because she knows something! She heard something that she’s going to tell everyone at the Commitment Ceremony! “If I said nothing, I would feel guilty about this forever,” she tells producers. Oh fuck, Channel Nine are going to wait until the last three minutes to reveal this, aren’t they? In they come. Jesse and are first to the Couch of Ouch? Great! tells them they are “lukewarm” and oh my word, Lyndall is STRESSED. Jesse has gone straight in to relay the story of Crypto Bro () and Claire. If there is a story? Crypto Bro’s telling Jesse that he’s paranoid. Lyndall is not functioning. “Adam!” she interrupts him. “I’m sorry,” she continues. “I really need to hear from Jesse what happened.” Jesse continues to tell us all what we already learned in the last . “I was on the phone to my best friend, , who you met at the wedding, and her boyfriend, , who live together,” Claire tells Jesse, all smug-like. Claire reckons that couple on the phone is looking after her dog, so they were having a convo. Whether it was about the dog is unknown. I hope it’s a corgi. “Yep, cool, so why couldn’t you tell me that in the moment?” Jesse asks. I mean, sure. Claire says he was “elevated” — well his hair sure is tonight — and demanding. Jesse says that when he thought it was Crypto Bro, he “saw red” and went to knock on Janelle and Crypto Bro’s door. “I said something along the lines of, ‘Who the BLEEP were you on the phone to BLEEP'” I can only imagine the bleeps were “fuck” and “cunt”. The only reason I think this is because of the reactions. Lyndall! U k sis? Fucking hell. Lyndall’s ready to say something! Well, actually, she’s not because she requires a pep talk from the entire room. “I don’t think Jesse is entirely wrong in what he assumed,” she starts saying, making it known that she still disagrees with the way he went about it (e.g. likely calling Crypto Bro a cunt). “That night we were all having fun and I may have misheard and it might’ve been a joke but I did hear, when I picked up my things to go, Adam turned to me and he said, ‘Don’t go. You know that if you go, I’m gonna go home with Claire,.” I love that she can’t even look at anyone when she says this. Janelle? Not impressed. Jesse? Impressed. Claire? Uncomfortable. Tahnee and Ollie? Children. Crypto Bro’s convinced he wouldn’t have said something like that but Jesse’s convinced he did. Claire thinks she should be trusted as a wife and being affectionate is just the way she is. John tells them that they need to make a decision. “This experiment has brought out the worst in me,” Jesse tells the experts before unveiling his “leave” decision. He is breaking down and it’s really quite sad. Claire strokes him? She wrote stay and can someone tell her it’s not a tattoo stencil? Like clockwork, Janelle and Crypto Bro are up. Janelle likes Crypto Bro and needs receipts before assuming anything. This non-eventful also had sex which is fine. They both choose to stay which is also fine. Tahnee and Ollie are next to teach these Gen Xers wassup. expert wants to know about the first time they “clasped” eyes on each other so we’re off to a horrific start. Fellow expert points out the obvious which is that they have fucked. Tahnee says it’s been “maybe a little too good” ever since they popped their relationship cherry on the honeymoon. Horny Mum is controlling herself relatively well. In the biggest shock twist of the season so far, Tahnee and Ollie both choose to stay. Next up is and and I’m weirdly keen for this? We don’t see enough of them and they seem to be getting along? Maybe they had sex? There it is! She confirms they did the hanky panky a few days ago. “And we have ever since,” she laughs. And Layton? He really laughs. “The attraction just came,” she explains. “And like, it came a lot.” They are surrounded by children but choose to stay regardless of the other eight toddlers in their presence. and Prince Eric. I’m bored already. Not even going to waste my finger muscles. and . They’ve been pashing. Sandy likes him, which scares her — a fair emotion given . Disney Daddy and Horny Mum. This should be interesting. I can’t wait to see what Alessandra says about this. Horny Mum explains that she’s taken sex out of the relationship while she gets to know Disney Daddy (and what he does for work). Alessandra is worried that coitus is a big part of who Horny Mum is. Disney Daddy tells them about what he saw in the wedding video, and how Horny Mum hoped he had a big “hammer” like Thor. “I want you to like me for me, and not because I have a penis,” Josh says. Look I laughed at this, probably out of discomfort, but I feel what he’s saying. There are many times where I’ve just felt like an orifice. THERE I SAID IT. Alessandra asks Disney Daddy if he enjoyed the sex. “Yes, yes I did,” he replies and as if you’d say no. Mum and Dad will be staying. Bunnings Daddy () and ‘s turn. Bronte says she’s cried lots this week and it’s been pretty shit, but Bunnings Daddy says it hasn’t been “that bad” for him if he’s “being honest”. “I haven’t seen Bronte for a couple of weeks so it’s kind of been like a holiday,” he tells the experts. He says being alone is better than being together because they just fight all the time. John’s asking about what happened at the and lordy, can we just move on from this already? “I haven’t given anyone the full story of what happened while I was single coming into here,” Bunnings Daddy says. He thinks it’s no one’s business. Oh, the girl came over to help him pack for . But he wants everyone to know that he DID NOT have sex with her. That day. Bunnings Daddy explains that he was single before he got fake-married. “I just didn’t feel the need to be faithful to someone I didn’t even know,” he tells the experts. Alessandra is not a fan of this man. She tells them that and that it’s no wonder the 20-year-old was hopeful for a future with Bunnings Daddy given they were sleeping together right up until the wedding day. “The place where your brain needs to be, perhaps shouldn’t be between someone else’s legs and body,” Alessandra schools him. She asks him why he’s here if he can find love on his own. “What do you need us for?” “I kind of resent the idea that I don’t deserve the opportunity to have a relationship because of what I was doing a week before coming into here,” Bunnings Daddy says. Alessandra tells Bunnings Daddy that he’s been minimising his role in the demise of the relationship. “All the drama that has ensued germinates from your choice to continue having relationships while you were applying for the experiment,” she says. Bunnings Daddy is not happy. He thinks he’s putting in 100 per cent and Bronte’s putting in zero. Lyndall is very vocal tonight, isn’t she? She tells Bunnings Daddy that he should feel remorse and doesn’t get to decide when Bronte feels better. Bunnings Daddy reckons he feels bad but lol, surely he doesn’t. We all know that. John’s serving him some home truths in the most John way and Bronte is tearing up. Bronte says that her mum didn’t raise a quitter (I hope she doesn’t vape) so she’s staying. Harrison wrote “leave” because he doesn’t want to live alone anymore. But too bad because the rules / punishment declare that they must stay and endure this horseshit for at least one more week. Cam and Lyndall’s turn. I’m asleep already. Wait no, Cam’s hairstyle has woken me up. They discuss how supportive Cam has been of CF and that they’re really happy. Then they jumped on the 333. Shannon and. I’m so nervous I may poo. Shannon jumps right in and says that he might still love his ex. The way John has reacted, I have a feeling Mel may have sharted over this information. Shannon saw his ex about a week before he came onto . And he had sex with her then too. He feels guilty! He feels like he’s wasted the experts’ time! And the cast’s! And Caitlin’s! Melissa says Caitlin deserves more than crumbs. Poor Caitlin has been in this position before. Haven’t we all! She was cheated on with her partner’s ex. “It’s like being slapped with all my traumas at once.” Caitlin thinks Shannon wants to leave his ex in the past but John’s chins have a different opinion. John needs to talk now. Great! I love it when he talks because a lot of the time, it means that he takes his index finger off his forehead for a hot minute. “Two guys that have applied for an experiment that over 10,000 people have put their hands up for and a week before coming in, you’re hanging out with an ex. That is unacceptable,” John says. If they’d told the experts? Their answer would’ve been “not a chance”. “It’s selfish behaviour, it’s disrespectful. It is beyond belief that we’re sitting in an experiment where we’re matching people who are with other women before the experiment’s started,” John continues. “You’re saying ‘I wanna fall in love with someone who’s gonna give up everything to be here’ and you’re not 100 per cent committed to it.” “That’s bullshit,” Bunnings Daddy chimes in. Omg amazing television tonight. “I made that commitment the minute I walked down the aisle,” Bunnings Daddy chirps. John tells him they wouldn’t be here if they’d known: “And the fact that you can’t see this Harrison, is a big problem.” John wants Shannon to bite the bullet and make the call on what he wants. He chooses to stay because he is a lemon and Caitlin also chooses to stay? John tells ’em to suck it up and figure their shit out. Intimacy Week next week, fam! Or Fucc week! See you for the next recap.
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