Welcome back to another Love Triangle recap, where fats may be cracked and hearts will hopefully be broken.
Lisa- Says “slay” too much
- Treats his sex life like it’s a competition
- Dresses like he’s in Miami, bitch
- Exists
She said she’s never had an orgasm before and someone assist Lisa immediately. That woman is about to have a heart attack.
edging
Ly asks if the whole thing goes “inside” you.
Lisa is having the fucking time of her life but restrains herself from explaining whether or not she is a g-spot gal or clit queen. Proud, I guess?
Over at another house where sex doesn’t dominate every conversation or charcuterie, Madison and Alex are being boring.
Ly is taking Ben salsa dancing to see if it gets her wet. She wants to feel horny.
Erika confirms it was a used vibrator and this is kind of cooked detail that everyone needs to know.
Madi and Alex have arrived to dilute this sexy cordial and say lame things like “we took our relationship to the next level”.
Lisa commences her next sex therapy session and asks what “base” the couples are up to. I hope she left her sage stick at home.
She is very proud of her patients who have kissed.
Patty and Lisa announce they are going seven days without sex and it’s cute that they think anyone will care.
They are proud of themselves and Madi is not. “Who gives a fuck?”
Say it louder sis.
Lisa confirms they have been having amazing sex daily and that her “vagina’s pretty much turning into burlap.”
MADI’S FACE.
Heavens to betsy, Lisa says her nether regions are feeling like sandpaper. I guess her and Ly have something in common after all.
“I’ve never had a guy in my entire life make me wet like he does,” Lisa tells the table. Wow. Fantastic for her but confusing for me.
Madi still hates Patty which is understandable. She says that people who are actually good in bed don’t need to advertise it. Absolutely right. That is little testicle energy.
Yan confirms week one of his new and unexciting relationship was ass. Because Patty wants to catch a live one, he baits Yan by asking if he would trade in Erika for the other match.
Patty says he gets Madi and Madison mixed up all the time and same tbh. You know you’re worthy of TV when you get cast alongside someone with the same name as you. You’re worth the confusion.
Lisa assures everyone that Patty is a good person behind closed doors. It is literally my worst nightmare to be dating someone where I have to convince people they’re not an asswipe all the time.
Ly tells everyone (including Ben) that they’re not vibing romantically. Everyone claps for Ben and Ly to kiss like they’re on a primary school quad.
“Tell us what those lips do,” says Lisa and knowing her, she’s likely not talking about lips on Ly’s mouth.
Ly wants to find loooooovee and a best frieeeeend so I hope she gets that along with orgasmmmmms.
He’s a bit stiff that Ben and not in a way one wants to be stiff.
The singles are getting messages from the people they rejected. For many people in the room (Yan, Ly) this is great news. It’s also great news for Lisa she just doesn’t know it yet.
Our rejectees all want to go on a date. Or be on a show that’ll give them Hello Fresh sponsorships. TBC.
The current matches are quaking in their boots. I LOVE it.
Yan is on cloud fucking nine for someone to like him as much as he likes himself.
Madison is trying and failing to pretend she would be cool with Alex getting along with his rejectee Bec. Who’s going to tell Madison that Bec’s a model and not the foot kind? Here’s hoping they stimulate each other intellectually.
Ly is now trying and failing to convince us that she cares about Ben’s feelings in this situation. Is he OK, though? Like seriously.
Alex is now meeting Bec and fuck me dead, she is very hot. Like, objectively hot. Alex damn well knows it too.
Alex likes her, it’s obvious. She says she is “intellectual” (poor Madison) and “mature when it counts” (whatever the fuck that means).
Next week our singles meet their could’ve-beens and holy shit I totally forgot about that douche Madi was speaking to. I can’t wait for this carnage.
Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer. You can follow her here.The post Love Triangle Recap: Madi Calls BS On Patty’s Need To Tell Everyone About His Active Fucc Life appeared first on PEDESTRIAN.TV .
