June is the Month of Pride, when conversations about inclusion and recognition for the LGBTQIA+ community along with a celebration of their diverse identities come centre-stage. Putting their lives in the public eye, trans couples in the state have utilised the newfound space to share their journeys on social media for thousands to follow.
Parents’ pride
Four-month-old Zabiya is the apple of her parents’ eye. Born to transpersons, 22-year-old Ziya Paval and 23-year-old Zahad, the baby was a pleasant surprise for these residents of Kozhikode. Each milestone has been shared on her mother’s Instagram account. “The experience has been wonderful; this was our dream for a very long time. We cherish each milestone we hit with vava, our baby; every moment with Zabiya is extremely valuable,” says the new mother.
Ziya and Zahad are one of the trans couples in Kerala. Having stopped their transitions midway, the couple had been apprehensive about the effects of the hormone therapies, so an overall healthy disposition of the infant came as a relief for them. Chores at home are divided as per their convenience. “We have to feed the baby every two hours. I feed her through the night until 6 am, after which Zahad picks up the task when I rest,” Ziya explains.
Professional dancer Ziya desires a life unlike her own for Zabiya. “The essence of being parents does not lie in labels, but in actions. I hope to provide her (Zabiya) a good life without her ever having to confront the circumstances we have.”
A new chapter
In 2015, Manu Karthika, an employee in Technopark, attended a Queer Pride March in Thiruvananthapuram where he first met his wife, Syama S Prabha.
“The community had not gained societal acceptance yet. I could not bring myself to disclose where I was going to my family. At that point, neither of us had completely transitioned, so we ourselves were bound by curiosity,” recollects Manu, a transman.
Hailing from conventional families who continue to support them, they consider their marriage to be of significance. “We are like any other couple, we have our disagreements, but we strive to stay together through it all,” remarks Manu.
Syama contends that since they are both transgender, they understand each other’s situations. “We have not run into the kind of problems we would have with a cisgender person. We’re better equipped to deal with the dilemmas we encounter in the relationship,” says Syama, who is working towards her PhD.
“Above anything else, we can be unconditionally ourselves,” she contends. Sharing household responsibilities equally, conventionally sexist division of work seems to have no space in their household.
Life on their terms
Over a year into their relationship, Sruthy Sithara and Daya Gayathri, both artists, have had to face stigma on two counts — their being transgender and in a lesbian relationship. “It was initially difficult for people to accept our relationship. We were subjected to bullying within the community. It took a lot of convincing for our closest friends to come around,” says Sruthy on the complicated reception to their romantic investment.
The two had been friends for over six years before they began a romantic relationship. “Being a part of the same organisations, we’ve known each other since 2016. It was after I relocated to Kochi and we began meeting each other frequently at a mutual friend’s house that we fell in love. Currently, we have been in a live-in relationship for a year,” Sruthy says.
She intends to lead life on her own terms. “We have to prioritise our happiness right now. Our society has started sex education only recently. I hope that our children are properly educated and raised. It will take a few decades for real change to set in, but the youth, being more inclusive, have already taken charge,” she remarks.
Bright tomorrow
Of late, things are looking up for the community in the state. “Although legally, we still do not get the recognition and protection we require due to dated concepts, the acceptance we have gained from youngsters is remarkable. Whether through social media or on college campuses, there has been a genuine effort at raising awareness in society,” says Syama.
With all couples leading largely unhindered and comfortable lives, the legacy of pride seems to be growing stronger in the state. “People have shown an eagerness to learn and understand and we’ve been able to sensitise a lot of them. Every Pride Month that rolls around is an affirmation; it reminds us that there are more people like us for whom it may be easier to overcome their barriers and acknowledge their truth now. That’s how I always remember it,” says Manu.
