A juror in the Logan Mwangi murder trial has told how she suffered recurring nightmares and was off work for more than a month due to the harrowing case.
Dr Joselyn Sellen and other jurors found the evidence so distressing that the case was halted several times - and she is calling for more support for juries in traumatic cases.
Logan Mwangi's body was dumped in a river in Bridgend, South Wales, with the child having suffered catastrophic internal injuries akin to a high-speed car crash.
His remains - found on the morning of July 31, 2021 in the River Ogmore near Pandy Park - also bore more than 50 external wounds.
Today, his mum Angharad Williamson, 31, silently wept as she was jailed for life. She'll spend a minimum of 28 years behind bars.
Her boyfriend and Logan's stepfather John Cole, 40, was also jailed for life and will spend at least 29 years in prison.
A 14-year-old boy, who cannot be named for legal reasons, was sentenced to life detention with a minimum of 15 years. All three were convicted of murder in April.
Psychologist Dr Sellen was one of the 12 jurors on the case who heard "the hardest evidence" from a paediatrician who described how Logan's final hours would have been.
"That was incredibly difficult. Because your imagination will take you to very dark places when you're hearing that kind of evidence," she said.
"It is very, very distressing. You just keep thinking what was happening for that child and how he must have been suffering."
Dr Sellen posted on social media: "This experience will, sadly, stay with me forever.
"I saw and heard things that cannot be unseen or unheard. It was tragic, horrific, sad, incomprehensible. I will never stop asking 'how could they ...?' or 'why? just WHY'.
"Whilst I am more than happy to contribute to public service in this way, it came as a shock to learn that there is no support for jurors provided by the HM Courts & Tribunals Service.
"Indeed, an important element of the process is that jurors must not talk about, or discuss the case with anyone else.
"Make no mistake, the staff within the Crown Court in Cardiff, where I served, were exceptionally kind and helpful; but the advice to ring the Samaritans, or my GP, did not help in dealing with the secondary trauma that myself and other jurors experienced.
"This was one time where I truly felt compassion and empathy to be a burden, rather than the positive qualities I usually see. I think I take self care and positive coping seriously, but this floored me utterly.
"There is a complete lack of screening and preparation for jurors, and no trauma support during or after.
"Next time someone tells you they have been summoned for Jury Service and your first response is 'ohhh, I hope it's something interesting', just be aware that 'interesting' probably means trauma, and there will be no help."
Dr Sellen later agreed to be identified as a juror to speak to BBC Wales about her experience of serving on a jury and the impact of the trial on her life.
She said she would never forget the police body-cam footage that showed the moment Logan's body was found.
"That will stay with me forever," she said. "Though it was blurred out you absolutely got the emotion of when someone first sees a child's body in the river... even though it was blurred out you could see very clearly."
The evidence, as well as the weight of responsibility of reaching verdicts for the three defendants, one still a child, had a devastating impact on her life outside of the courtroom, she said.
"I felt as though my normal life was completely hijacked," she said.
"This completely took over my life... [I was] completely traumatised."
She said something as simple as hearing children laughing could be a trigger: "My thoughts would go straight back to the case.
"I'd be thinking 'how was it for Logan? Was he ever laughing? What happened when he cried?'."
She said she faced recurrent nightmares, intrusive thoughts, difficulty getting to sleep and would over-react to to the smallest of things.
Jurors must not discuss a trial with anyone, until it is finished, and can only talk to other jury members in the deliberation room.
After the trial, they must not talk about what happened in the deliberation room, even with family members.
She said her 15-year-old daughter would try to support her but did not know why she was so upset.
"Several times my daughter was sat holding me when I'm crying inconsolably and I couldn't tell her why," she said.
"Simple things like planning our meals for the week became overwhelming, so normal day-to-day living just changed completely."
She said after dropping her daughter at school she would be hit by a wave of emotion.
"Almost as soon as she was out of the car door I'd be crying, I would cry most days from the moment I dropped her off until I got to court," she added.
"I'd be sat in my car thinking 'with every fibre of my being I don't want to go in' but I knew I had to and I had a duty."
She said it was the other jurors' support that made it possible to keep going.
She has decided to share her experience because she wants to see change.
"The court are very neglectful of their duty of care to jurors," she said.
"There was no professional support available through the court…the ushers, security, the judge, every person who came into contact with jurors was fantastic, but they weren't trained in terms of trauma therapy."
She said the court service advised jurors to go to the Samaritans, which she did, but as she was not able to talk about the case "it became a very short conversation".
She had the same issue with her GP.
Dr Sellen said a trauma therapist should be made available to jurors for particularly harrowing or traumatic cases.
She said it should be "someone who is able to maintain the integrity of that process but enable and empower the jurors to be able to offload some of that so we can still function in normal life".
She would also like to see jurors screened for mental health issues and past trauma before being selected for harrowing cases.
She said the judge Mrs Justice Jefford did give jurors the opportunity to decline taking part after the opening statements but it was an "intimidating situation" and they were not given adequate time to think about it.
"To put your hands up to a high court judge and in front of barristers and say 'I don't think I can handle it', that's a very difficult position to be in," she said.
A spokesperson for Her Majesty's Courts and Tribunals Service (HMCTS) said: "Jury service is one of the most important civic duties that anyone can perform and we recognise the importance of well-being throughout the process.
"In each case, the trial judge will seek to meet the interests of justice without causing undue anxiety to any juror.
"This can include warnings of distressing evidence as well as offering a range of support such as counselling from GPs and advice from the Samaritans."
A leaflet entitled Supporting You Through Jury Service offers further advice to jurors and is available in courts, they added.
