Singer Lizzo penned a deeply enigmatic essay that delved into the trauma of burying one’s feelings. The cryptic message came in the shadow of her recent “I quit” declaration that sent shock waves through her fan base.
The Grammy-winner, whose real name is Melissa Viviane Jefferson, appeared to give a peek behind the Lizzo persona and showed fans a glimpse of Melissa in her raw and deeply personal essay.
Lizzo wrote in the essay about a girl named Melissa who spent a lifetime policing her emotions and sticking to a set of internal rules she made for herself.
From a young age, the Melissa in Lizzo’s essay was described as the mediator of her family when fights erupted. She imposed three rules—”1. Don’t cry, 2. Stay neutral; deescalate, and 3. Don’t take anything personal. This isn’t about you”—for herself so she could maintain the role of a peacemaker during turbulent times.
“Humans tend to collect traumas like pebbles on a long hike. We toss them into our backpacks and keep moving forward. Some hikers would falter, but Melissa was built for this. She’d carried the stones of her family’s traumas uphill for years. She was strong,” Lizzo wrote in the essay.
Lizzo, whose real name is Melissa Viviane Jefferson, wrote an essay about a child named Melissa who taught herself to bury her feelings and grew up with the trauma of it
“When men began to befriend and reject her, saying ‘you’re too good for me’ but not too good to make them feel good. She carried that,” she went on to say. “When childhood friends began to cut off the strings of her heart, saying ‘We can’t be friends anymore’. She carried that. When her family separated like dandelion seeds, it seemed like they’d never be together again. Melissa slept on so many couches, floors and car seats sometimes she didn’t know if she’d see them again. She carried that.”
For the longest time, Melissa didn’t break the self-imposed three rules, but deep down, she “wanted to break them boldly and loudly and annoyingly and honestly and sloppily like every one else gets to do,” Lizzo wrote.
Lizzo wrote in the essay that Melissa eventually learned how to break the rules and cry, escalate, and take things personally
“It was in that moment, tucked in a thin jacket inside of an 8-foot high instrument cubby in the inky darkness—it hit her,” she went on to say. “‘Is my suffering for a high purpose? Or is my suffering trying to kill me?’”
“She cried.
“She escalated.
“She took it personal.
“But it wasn’t enough. She wanted to scream in a microphone in a sea of shadowy faces. She drank whiskey and wove her pain into rock music,” Lizzo wrote.
The singer went on to write about how Melissa began to “fall for her feelings”
As the “pebble-laden hike became lighter with time,” Melissa eventually decided that rules were meant to be “built and broken,” the About Damn Time singer said.
She then went on to list out how Melissa broke the rules that she had made for herself.
“So… She broke rule number 1 on stage while singing a beautiful song…,” read the essay. “Rule number 2 was broken when she grew older and saw the injustices of the world. Marching with hundreds in protest she realized not everything needs to be pacified. And one day when she finally fell in love, she broke rule number 3. No matter how much training she’d done she couldn’t help but take every thing her lover said and did personal. But it was ok. Because in all her resistance she realized breaking rules was her power.”
“Melissa began to fall for her feelings. Her feelings gave life purpose. They weren’t always logical, as feelings seldom are. They were sloppy and embarrassing and rude and so fucking uncomfortable. But they were hers. And they were real,” Lizzo added.
Lizzo’s essay comes days after she posted a video clarifying what she meant by her “I Quit” declaration
The essay came days after Lizzo clarified that she was not going to quit making music, which she described as “the joy of [her] life.” When she made the “I Quit” statement, Lizzo said she meant she was going to stop “giving any negative energy attention.”
After posting the recent essay on Tumblr, fans had mixed reactions, with many supporting her for putting pen to paper and exposing her feelings, while others were critical and accused her of trying to gain attention.
Some fans cheered the singer on and said, “Writing is extremely healing”
