Q: How can I explain to my kids, ages 6 and 9, that “fair” and “equal” are not the same. They complain constantly that I’m not fair. What they mean is I don’t treat them the same.
A: You’re yelling into a hurricane. Forget it. Below age 12 or 13, children cannot wrap their brains around the difference between the two concepts.
Treating children equally means treating them in the same fashion regardless of any measurable differences between them. Treating children fairly means treating them with consideration of those differences. Take bedtime as regards to siblings ages 5 and 10. To treat them equally, one would send them to bed at the same time. To treat them fairly, one would let the older one stay up later. Obviously, the younger one wants to be treated equally, while the older one wants to be treated fairly.
