Q: I’m concerned that my 3-year-old — she's nearly 4 — daughter has some sort of language issue. For example, even though my brother’s family moved away nearly two years ago, whenever we drive by their former house my daughter will ask if they still live there. If I am wearing a yellow shirt, she’ll ask, "Is your shirt yellow, Mommy?” She knows her colors, by the way. Lately, when she asks a question of that sort, I ask, “What do you think?” I’m trying to get her to figure it out on her own, but she immediately becomes quiet, like she’s confused. She’s very bright for her age, but could she have a language problem? On the one hand, I’m worried. On the other, she can grate on my nerves.
A: I think you’re making a mountain out of a molehill. If there is a problem, it would fall into one of three categories: discipline, development or disorder. You’re certainly not describing a discipline problem, and while I don’t have enough information to be definitive about the latter two possibilities, more than 40 years' experience as a parent, grandparent and family psychologist lead me to propose that what you’re describing is no big deal.
My sense is she’s simply trying to figure out how to begin conversations with people, starting with you. During the second and third years of life, a child figures out the fundamentals of language and begins constructing sentences. A 3-year-old child begins using language to describe the world around her, but 3s are known for monologues, not conversation. They’ll go on and on about seemingly nothing, jumping from topic to topic and obviously uninterested in what anyone else might have to say. At 4, the art of give-and-take conversation begins to develop.
