Lewis Capaldi has opened the last set of TRNSMT 2022 in typical fashion - with a self-effacing look at his own career and a cheeky gag about ScotRail.
The 25-year-old bounded out onto the main stage after a hilarious audio introduction and, after performing hits Grace and Forever, launched into a rude tirade about how he had spent lockdown. He told the screaming crowd: “Glasgow how we ******* doing? It’s so ******* good to be back home. It’s good to be back.
“I’ve been sitting on my **** for three years. This is ******* incredible, thank you so ******* much for coming out to see me.” He added: “I was crying that last song - what a loser!”
Capaldi told fans that his second album was not yet completed, despite lockdown giving him a lot of free time.
He continued: “You never know, if you come back, if folk are going to be interested or if you’ve been forgotten so thank you very much. I have to apologise in advance because we were booked to play these gigs in like 2020 and then I had to reschedule and cancel because my album wasn’t ready.
“Now it’s 2022 and my album is still not ******* ready. I was supposed to have loads of new material for you but I am a lazy ****. I spent lockdown…masturbating. For the children in the audience who don’t know what masturbation is it’s like eating loads of sweeties and you’re like…ooft.
“It never occurred to me during lockdown to take my hand off my **** and put it on my guitar. I’m glad we’ve all enjoyed a w*** every now and then.
“My mum’s here, by the way.”
And to an audience member with his arm in a sling, he joked: “That guy’s broken his arm. A fallen soldier of the ****ing battalion.”
To cheers from the crowd, he summed up: “Because I don’t have any new songs I’m just gonna play you all the old ****.”
The 25-year-old’s main stage headliner slot was preceded with sound clips that imitated the act of flicking through radio stations - including parodies of the Backstreet Boys, tweaked as “Lewis is back, alright!” and Thin Lizzy belting out: “ Capaldi ’s back in town.”
The clips, greeted enthusiastically by the amped up Sunday night crowd on Glasgow Green, included references to happy hardcore music and comedian Limmy’s “she’s turned the weans against us” sketch. A parody of BBC News bulletins warned of “chaos” as Capaldi’s gig clashed with “yet more cancellations” - a thinly veiled swipe at ongoing timetable woes for rail operator ScotRail.
Capaldi wasn’t afraid to poke fun at himself. A mock advert that asked the question: “Did you write a hit song at the age of 22 and feel under immense pressure to come back with a second record?”
The joke, at Capaldi’s own expense, makes reference to the fact he is yet to release a follow-up to his hugely successful 2019 debut album, Divinely Uninspired to a Hellish Extent.
The announcement continued: “Isn’t it funny how time passes? Year after year we return to Glasgow Green to make new friends, make new memories, to live, to laugh, to love, and still, after all this time, Lewis Capaldi has not released any new music. TRNSMT 2022 - are you ready?”
Capaldi played the crowd as he always does, telling them of his joy at playing gigs again post-lockdown. “A few weeks ago I saw someone get hit in the head with a glass of what I can only assume was human piss. How beautiful that we’ve come this far.
"Two years ago we were sitting in our houses, couldn’t touch each other, couldn’t go outside and now we’re chucking our piss on each other’s head. If you’re out and you see somebody you haven’t seen in a while, give them a piss-on. Piss on them!
“Don’t do that, I’ll get into bother for that. ‘Mass pissings across the Glasgow area!’”
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