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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
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Emma Beddington

Let’s hear it for the true geniuses: the people who name paints

Rear view of woman choosing wallpapers and paints displayed for sale
‘The names fell into two categories: posh girl or posh girl’s pony’ … Photograph: Maskot/Getty Images

Recently, I went on an adventure to an alien and intimidating place, a real no-go area: Belgravia’s interiors shops. My best friend is trying to buy a flat and to energise her for this grim journey of owner ghostings, asbestos, incompetent agents and outrageous prices, she needed a bit of escapist fun looking at chi-chi paints.

Unfortunately, she brought me: a person with all the visual sensibility of a house brick (Terre D’Egypte? Porphyry Red?). I sat vacant and unhelpful as she discussed nuances of verdigris and celadon, interjecting when something obvious struck me. “That one is yellow!” I would say, with toddler-like delight; or, “I like that.” Mostly I looked at colour charts.

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