Hunter author Todd Alexander didn't expect to be caught in "19 years of renovation hell".
But it's no coincidence he's been with partner Jeff Ross for this same period.
His latest book, released this week, is titled The Worst House on the Worst Street.
"Most of the book is set in Branxton, but it covers all our major projects," said Alexander, a former eBay executive in Sydney.
He could laugh or cry about the "hell of renovating" but, as a renowned comedy writer, he chooses humour.
"This is not how I saw my life turning out, believe me," he said.
"I can't cut in a straight line and I think painting should be a punishment for the worst crimes.
"But somehow, as soon as one project ends, we look at each other, sigh and say, 'OK let's give it another crack'."
The book includes a funny account of the pair's renovation of a run-down 1950s cottage they bought in Branxton in 2017.
"It looked like the photos had been taken on a Polaroid by a serial killer," Alexander said.
"But Jeff saw the potential, so we put in a lowball offer of $180,000."
They spent the following six years "stripping it back to the frame and reinstating some of its original charm".
"I took a sledgehammer to the toilet from Trainspotting and can still taste it to this day," Alexander said.
"Another day, I got into the 20-centimetre Huntsman-infested crawl space beneath the house, so we could lift the entire back end with a car jack.
"That saved us a few grand, but I am lucky to be alive."
The book covers visits to various hospitals due to renovation mishaps.
"Renovating has nearly killed both of us, but it hasn't taken away my sense of humour ... yet," he said.
"I've come to realise that laughing at the hell that is renovating is about the only thing that gets me through."
The couple transformed another house in "just 16 days" because the 2021 Hunter real estate boom was about to burst.
"We worked 16-hour days with COVID, so I was like a 90-year-old guy on three packs of Winnie Reds a day for most of it," Alexander quipped.
"We took the worst house on the worst street and made it desirable. So it was worth everything - even painting the 20-foot gable without a scaffold."
While Australians love to talk about property with great seriousness, Alexander's book was "more of a cautionary, comic tale".
"It's not about how to make a fortune out of hoarding multiple properties and living off over-inflated rents," he said.
"It's the story of two boys who took a huge gamble, threw away lucrative corporate careers and tried to make a living out of doing up unwanted properties."
Regularly running out of money meant they often had to rough it.
"We've done over 30 projects in 20 years now," Alexander said.
"I don't care if I never see another portaloo for as long as I live.
"But I wouldn't change the blood, sweat and tears - and all that dust - for anything. I'll take that over the corporate world any day."
The couple are about to begin their "grandest building adventure of all".
They plan to build a home from scratch in the Hunter suburb of Lower Belford.
Another book, then, is on the cards.
"Or divorce and 20 years of therapy," he said.
In 2019, Alexander published a memoir - Thirty Thousand Bottles of Wine and a Pig Called Helga.
"Helga is now seven. She still likes cuddles like when she was a piglet," he said.
