To reach the Lanserhof Sylt from London, I fly into Hamburg and take a three-hour train. I am an anomaly in doing so; most patients who are bound for the retreat fly in by private jet because this is where the 0.0001 per cent go to detox, with programmes starting at an eye-watering 7,000 euros a week.
On my journey, I spend a couple of hours watching vistas of Germany, all-grey flatlands and portions of listless Wadden Sea roll by, while I’m contemplating the immense hunger that awaits me at the famous wellness clinic. Rather than the pampering sort, it’s this new restrictive kind of retreat that has billionaires clamouring to book in.
