Lady Diana Spencer broke the royal mold when she eliminated the word “obey” from her vows when she, just barely 20 years old, married Prince Charles on July 29, 1981—nearly 43 years ago. But the reason she opted to remove the key word is heartbreaking—The Mirror reports she made the change to her wedding vows to Charles amid her growing fears about his relationship with Camilla Parker-Bowles.
Royal brides before her like Queen Elizabeth, Princess Margaret, and Princess Anne had all promised to “obey” their husbands in their wedding vows, as prescribed in the Anglican Book of Common Prayer dating back to 1662, The Mirror reports. But Diana nixed that for herself, and instead said during the widely-watched ceremony at St. Paul’s Cathedral that she would “love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health”—no obeying in sight.
At the time, The New York Times reported that Charles and Diana held “very serious” discussions about the inclusion (and, ultimately, exclusion) of the word with the Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr. Robert Runcie.
Dr. Edward Carpenter, the Dean of Westminster Abbey, said in an interview that he was “absolutely delighted” by Charles and Diana’s ultimate decision, saying “Marriage is the kind of relationship where there should be two equal partners, and if there is going to be a dominant partner, it won’t be settled by this oath,” he said. “I think this is much more Christian.”
The Mirror reports “The decision was controversial at the time, and other royal brides who followed did vow obedience when they married into the royal family,” like Sarah Ferguson when she married Prince Andrew in 1986 and Sophie Rhys-Jones when she married Prince Edward in 1999. But, in perhaps a show of solidarity for their late mother-in-law, both Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle eschewed the use of “obey” when they married William and Harry in 2011 and 2018, respectively.
When speaking to Andrew Morton for his book Diana: Her True Story—which came out in 1992—Diana “recalled her growing suspicion that Charles and Camilla were still having an emotional affair, having reportedly discovered a personalized bracelet that Charles had bought for Camilla shortly before the wedding,” The Mirror writes. (When Diana: Her True Story came out, it was assumed to be a biography; after her death five years later, Morton confirmed that Diana was a primary source for the book, making it more of an autobiography.)
Diana wanted to call off the wedding entirely, but her sisters, Lady Sarah and Lady Jane, talked her out of it. Diana also claimed that, on their honeymoon, Charles wore cufflinks given to him by Camilla, who ultimately resumed her affair with Charles.
Charles and Diana separated in 1992, finalized their divorce in 1996, and, one year and three days later, Diana died in a car accident in Paris at just 36 years old. Not quite eight years later, Charles and Camilla married on April 9, 2005, and celebrated 19 years of marriage earlier this year.
