Kirk Norcross has told how he was so devastated after discovering his dad Mick 's body that he started planning his own suicide.
The former TOWIE star found dad Mick after he tragically took his own life at the age of 57 in January, last year.
After trying to deliver CPR, Kirk realised it was too late and lay next to his dad, promising to make him proud and thanking him for everything he'd done for him.
The harrowing events led Kirk, 34, down a dark path.
Having struggled with drug abuse in the past, Kirk relapsed and went on a five-day cocaine bender before planning his own suicide.
In an exclusive interview, he said: "After dad died, I planned my own suicide. I wanted to die. I planned what I would be wearing, what I was going to do. I was going to film a bedtime story for my kids. I had to shout myself back from the thought of it and I went to speak to my dad’s partner. Immediately talking about it made me feel better, which is something I would urge others feeling like that to do.
"At that time, I was so worried that something would snap in my head like something snapped in my dad’s head."
Kirk eventually got himself straight, reattended Narcotics Anonymous sessions and has now been clean for ten months.
And every day, Kirk works hard to see the positives in life, something he'd encourage others who are struggling to try.
He said: "I play my dad’s death out every night. I definitely have PTSD. Every time I tie my shoelace, do push ups at the gym, normal stuff, it’s there, burnt into my mind. I try to see the positives in life now as my dad always did. I hope that now I can help others to talk, open up and know that they are not alone like my dad may have felt."
Kirk has since become an ambassador for suicide charity Papyrus.
Speaking about his new role, he said: "Going through something as awful as that means only one good thing which is that you have the experience to help others.
"I have 10 to 20 people message me a day saying they feel suicidal or feel depressed. I try my hardest to give them advice without giving them too much in case it might tip them over the edge.
"It's an honour to be an ambassador for the charity. If it wasn't for my kids I would probably not be here myself. It's a real honour to be an ambassador for something that is so close to my heart. I want to help other. I want to urge others to talk about their feelings.
"It's amazing to know that I might be saving some people’s life. One woman messaged me tell me she was going to end her life the night before but didn't after watching one of my videos online telling people to open up about things."
* If you are feeling suicidal or affected by issues talked about by Kirk then contact Papyrus, www.papyrus-uk.org or call 0800 068 41 41 or contact Samaritans, www.samaritans.org, 116 123
