A convicted killer with a lengthy criminal history consistent with his former drug-centred lifestyle swears he now wants to "be a normal person".
Jay Lupton, 31, is awaiting sentence after pleading guilty to manslaughter, following two murder trials where the jury was unable to reach verdicts.
He stabbed and killed Hady Jaouhara at his Lethbridge Park home in Sydney's west in February 2020.
"It's not a good feeling," Lupton told the NSW Supreme Court on Friday.
"I never thought I would be sitting here with the guilt of taking someone's life."
Lupton told the court he was getting older and did not want his child to grow up without a father like he did.
He said he was sorry for the hurt and pain he caused and did not expect Mr Jaouhara's family to forgive him.
They do not.
Crown prosecutor Adrian Robertson read a victim impact statement from Mr Jaouhara's sister, who described how the youngest member of their family functioned as its core.
In death, he was "belittled" throughout trials, referred to as a "junkie".
The family has been left only with questions.
"How is my mother supposed to remain hopeful for the future?"
"How do I calm my sister's thoughts when her sense of regret is eating away at her?" her statement read.
Mr Jaouhara did everything he could to help his mother cope with her depression, his sister said, and lived with his own, lamenting weeks before he was killed, "my mum deserved so much more than this world offered her".
"Now we know, so had you," his sister wrote.
Mr Robertson questioned Lupton's sworn testimony that he was sorry.
"Is that genuine remorse on your part or are you simply saying that hoping you might get some lesser sentence?"
Lupton said: "I don't care about what sentence I get."
Lupton agreed he had been given chances to rehabilitate himself through periods of imprisonment, parole and good behaviour bonds, but did not take them.
But this time, after serving the sentence he will receive next Thursday, he plans to "get a job and be a normal person".
"I've never wanted or had the chance to do that," Lupton told Friday's hearing.
"The way I've grown up, I've had a hard life, I've never wanted to change.
"I just thought 'who cares' and gone back to drugs."
His barrister Carolyn Davenport SC said Lupton's drug use was evident in his lengthy criminal record.
"The charges were consistent with his lifestyle, taking drugs and selling drugs," she said.
Reports tendered also raised concerns about Lupton going back to jail.
"He is in danger of becoming institutionalised because he has been in and out of the jail system for a large portion of his life," Ms Davenport said.
Justice Desmond Fagan will sentence Lupton next week.
