Divorces are messy enough, but once you add in kids what starts as an agreement to split up can quickly devolve into an intense battle. After all, both parents have an incentive to paint themselves as the best person and their now-ex as a horrible human being. Unfortunately, the kids tend to be caught in the crossfire.
A netizen asked the internet for advice after they caused some family drama by revealing to their sister’s kids the real reason she got a divorce. We reached out to the person who shared the story via private message and will update the article when they get back to us.
Infidelity is a sad, but pretty common reason to get a divorce
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
But one netizen told their sister’s kids that she was lying about their father
Image credits: varyapigu / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Particular-Garden155
Infidelity is unfortunately common, yet hard to study
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo)
It can sometimes be hard to figure out where certain boundaries start and end when it comes to family. One could argue that the person who posted the story should have been “loyal” to their sister. After all, a sister is a blood relative while the husband is just some dude. Setting aside the obvious moral issues, it’s still important to remember that the sister’s kids are also, technically, blood relatives. So going by nothing but family relations is simply a bad idea.
Infidelity itself is a deeply touchy subject and one that is pretty hard to study. After all, people who engage in it tend to understand just how socially unacceptable it is. Even in anonymous surveys, people will often lie or at least embellish to make sure they still appear “acceptable” to society. Researchers estimate that in the US, between 2% and 30% of married people have engaged in infidelity at least once.
That’s a pretty broad spectrum, which underlies just how difficult it can be to get precise numbers. As this story demonstrates, most cheaters know exactly just how much they will be judged and tend to hide or obfuscate their actions. Indeed, the sister in this story even goes as far as to make false accusations, knowing that it will paint her ex in a bad light in front of their family and kids.
The mom did not really do anything to “protect” her kids
Image credits: Rawpixel /envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, this is a deeply selfish move for a variety of reasons. First and foremost, she insists on “protecting” her kids, but she herself created the preconditions for divorce. If anyone put the kids in a bad position, it was their own mother cheating and then getting a divorce. Everything else that happened was just the natural fallout of this situation. It’s worth also noting that the kids were surprised, but then accepted the story. This might show that they are more aware of their mother’s behavior than they are letting on.
They are also the ones who really need a lot of support at this time. Research shows that being a child of divorce based off of infidelity tends to leave most kids with lingering mistrust. It can also impact how they feel about relationships in the future. After all, if your own parents can cheat in the first marriage you’ve ever seen, why not the person you are currently dating? These lasting trust issues sometimes never go away and negatively impact people’s dating life for years. Indeed, there is even some evidence that these experiences might increase the chance of a person committing infidelity.
So the mother was not protecting the kids in any way. The marriage ended over infidelity, it doesn’t matter from which party. Her lying will only cement the feeling of mistrust they might be harboning now. Even worse, they might be going through a lot of guilt for the hard time they gave their father. In other words, they will permanently question anything the mom tells them because she has already lied about something as important as a divorce to make herself look better.
The kid’s deserved to know the truth
Image credits: Wavebreakmedia / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
To reiterate, if the mom wanted to protect the kids at all cost, she would not have cheated. She could have been honest or looked to get a divorce first. Instead, she was selfish, displayed a lack of impulse control and then tried to hide it from her kids. The truth does hurt, but they would find out in the long run anyway. By revealing the truth, they now at least have a chance to maintain a solid relationship with their father. Having family in your life is important, but people also need to keep solid boundaries.
Many comments debated the poster’s place in revealing this bit of family drama. But again, the original argument stands, if they were supposed to “protect” their sister as family, why does that same rule not apply to their niece and nephew? They are also family and are suffering because their mother just enjoys cheating over maintaining a solid family life.
Some folks wanted more info
But many thought they did the right thing
However, some believed that the entire situation was just messy
A few even sided with the sister
