Kevin Van Veen would wake up in the middle of the night craving a kick. But not at a ball. He desperately needed a buzz. But not from scoring a goal.
Instead, he’d get out of bed and head straight for a casino. It was the only way to feed his addiction. Money had no value. Neither did his career or his life at that stage. Thankfully, he sought help. Suddenly, the former PSV kid, who was highly rated by coaches in Holland, found himself picking strawberries in South Africa. No money, no phone, no definitive future. Just a bed, a bathroom and a mirror. Van Veen had to look within himself to find salvation.
Eventually, with the help of others, the game he has loved from the age of six gave him it. At 31, he’s now determined to maximise every minute. Motherwell supporters who adore him want to reap the benefits of that. But most of them won’t know the journey he has been on to get to Fir Park.
As a young player at PSV Eindhoven, he was released because he was so small, his shorts wouldn’t stay up. A 27cm growth spurt left him in agony and hospitalised for eight weeks. He turned his back on football to work on building sites as a plasterer before his hunger for goals returned.
As a semi-pro in Holland, van Veen started to make a living from the game. But the more he earned, the more he gambled. And given what he’s had to go through, it’s a miracle that he’ll spearhead Motherwell’s Europa Conference League campaign which starts on Thursday night.
Ask any coach who has worked with van Veen and they will tell you he should be playing at a higher level. With his ability, how did he wash up at Northampton and Scunthorpe before turning up in the SPFL Premiership.
As MailSport found out in an exclusive and searingly honest interview, the reasons are complex. Speaking for the first time about his personal issues, van Veen said: “When I was younger, I had a lot of mental health problems and anxiety because I was battling addiction.
“When I was 18, I was allowed into the casino and would go with some friends. It started with a tenner when I wasn’t earning much. But that would quickly become £50, £100, £200. As I earned a bit more money from playing football it was £1000 and a lot more.
“I’ve been addicted ever since then. It’s inside my body and is an everyday thing. Sometimes I’d miss training. I wouldn’t turn up because that (gambling) was all I wanted.
“I would wake up in the middle of the night and jump out of bed to go to a casino – because my body needed that kick. I even went for rehab to South Africa where I had to learn about the value of money.
“I was strawberry picking and potato picking every day over there from 6am to 6pm. All I had was a plate of food. I had no salary, no phone – just a bathroom with a mirror. I had to re-appreciate the value of life and money.
“I’m still fighting it every day. It’s still there in my mind every day. But I’m trying to manage it a lot better than I did, instead of wasting it on a game that disgusts me now.”
During his time playing in England, Tony Adams’ Sporting Chance facility was a Godsend for Van Veen. Since then, he has been encouraged to speak openly about the battles that have undoubtedly prevented him from realising his full potential on the pitch.
He said: “Over the years I’ve had a lot of help. Sporting Chance in Leeds helped me massively. Every Tuesday and Thursday I’d drive there to talk in the group. I had to detox my body from the addiction. It was really bad, especially when I was on medication.
“But I’ve been clean for two and a half years now. Nobody really knows. But my psychologist has urged me to speak up.
“And over time it has worked for me. I didn’t want everyone to know but at the end of the day it’s me. It’s part of me. And it’s still a huge achievement for me to be here, playing at a good level.
“But it’s probably the reason why I’m not where I should be. If I could turn my life and career around, I would. But I can’t turn back time or change it. If you’re asking me what really held me back, it’s probably that.
“I think I’ve got the ability but my mental health and addiction has left me struggling from the age of 18. My mum, who is my biggest fan, is just proud that I’ve actually made it as a footballer. Because I could easily have become someone who had nothing and was left in the gutter.”
Addiction isn’t the only obstacle van Veen has had to overcome in his career. As a teenager no one in Holland doubted his technique.
But incredibly, having developed into a 6ft 1in striker, his SIZE threatened to curtail his career at an early stage. It forced him into a real job, where he learned that to get anything in life you have to graft.
The Dutchman, who hails from Eindhoven, said: “I grew up at PSV but was sent away for being too small. My dreams were shattered. I was a very tiny player. Honestly, I needed a belt around my shorts to keep them up.
“PSV told me that, physically, I was just too little so they didn’t want me anymore. But ability wise I was always one of the most talented.
“Even when I was young, Dutch newspapers were talking about me. That probably got in my head a bit. I believed I’d make it to the first team but it didn’t happen.
“Then I suddenly took a growth spurt of 27cm. The doctors explained to me that, because of all the training I was doing at PSV, my body didn’t have time to grow. So I went from being very small to being thin and long.
“I was in hospital for eight weeks and had massive growing pains. I was still a child and I cried a lot.
“After that I played for my uncle’s team and gave up professional football. I started a job as a plasterer, doing a lot of heavy carrying on the building site.
“At PSV I thought I’d make it so I didn’t pay attention at school. I was trouble because I thought I was too good for it.
“I regret all that now, I realise it’s the most important thing you can do. I was plastering from early morning until late at night.
“Football wise, I was just playing as an amateur. Teams wanted me but I was disillusioned by the game. I’d hit a brick wall because of my physicality so I had to concentrate on having a normal working life.
“And I had so much fun doing it. There was no pressure, no one was watching me.
“It really made me appreciate what I have now. Because you have to work hard for very little.
“That’s why I won’t take anything for granted. It has been a tough road for me.”
READ NEXT:
