Kevin Smith has opened up about experiencing a “complete break from reality” last year that prompted his stay at an in-patient mental health facility.
The filmmaker, known for writing and directing films such as Clerks (1994), Jersey Girl (2004) and Red State (2011), checked into the Sierra Tucson treatment centre in Arizona in January 2022 and stayed for a month.
He recalled waking up one morning and experiencing the “scary” feeling that he’d lost control of his mind.
“At that moment, I wouldn’t have been averse to not being around any longer,” Smith told People.
“I called a friend and said, ‘I’m in a weird, dark place. I need to go somewhere and get help.’”
For years, Smith had been repressing a traumatic memory from when he was six years old; he’d been forced by an older boy to perform sexual acts with a young neighbourhood girl, against his will.
Another aspect of Smith’s trauma came from being teased about his body as a child. The personality behind “Bob” of comedy duo Jay and Silent Bob recalled being nine years old when a teacher pointed out the size of his “gut” in front of the class.
“I felt disgusting, like I didn't matter,” Smith, 52, said. “That's when ‘the other guy’ started to appear. I decided to be entertaining and make people love me before they noticed I was fat.”
Elsewhere in the interview, published on Wednesday (26 April), Smith detailed the various difficulties that came with opening up about his trauma at the treatment facility.
“In the beginning, it was tough to share when somebody’s talking about watching their friend get killed and I'm like, ‘Well, my fourth-grade teacher told me I was fat,’” he explained.
“But I learned that there's no differentiation [between levels of trauma] to the human nervous system. Internally, trauma is trauma.”
Talking to The Independent in November, Smith said that he saw the bright side of suffering a near-fatal heart attack in 2018.
“Post-heart attack, I was like, ‘I’m living on borrowed time now,’” he explained. “I’d better act accordingly, so if there’s some dream of mine that I’m trying to accomplish I better get moving.”
If you have been affected by this article, you can contact the following organisations for support: mind.org.uk, nhs.uk/livewell/mentalhealth, mentalhealth.org.uk.
