Kelsey Parker has told of her pride that husband Tom is to be honoured on Dancing on Ice, a year on from his tragic death.
Tomorrow's semi-final will see The Wanted star Siva Kaneswaran perform a routine to the band's hit Gold Forever in tribute to bandmate dad-of-two Tom, who was only 33 when he died from an incurable brain tumour in March last year.
And his wife Kelsey, 32, who will be in the audience with children Aurelia and Bodhi, both three, told how they can't wait to see their daddy celebrated on TV - though she admits the performance will be "bittersweet" for her.
Siva's emotional tribute comes just weeks before the family will mark one year without Tom.
Get all the latest news sent to your inbox. Sign up for the free Mirror newsletter
And Kelsey - who was linked to electrician Sean Boggans last November - also opened up for the first time about how he has supported her through the "desperate" loneliness she suffered after losing the love of her life.
Speaking in an exclusive interview ahead of Dancing on Ice, Kelsey said: "I've told the kids we are going to watch Uncle Siva, that he's dancing to Daddy's song, and there are going to be pictures of Daddy around - and they are so excited.
"It is going to be really tough for me to sit there, because the song makes me so emotional. But then it's bittersweet, because I'm going to be so proud of Siva, and I want to celebrate Tom. It's nearly a year since we lost him, and he would still want to be in everyone's thoughts.
"So why wouldn't we celebrate him? But it doesn't make it any less hard.
"That we are going to watch someone pay tribute to Tom, dancing to his song is incredible, but it is going to break me."
Pop star Tom died on 30 March last year, after being diagnosed with a grade four glioblastoma.
His death, just months after he performed a special charity concert at the Royal Albert Hall, left Kelsey reeling from grief while also struggling to be both a mum and a dad - and so "good cop and bad cop" - to the couple's two young children.
Opening up about the past year, the actress and TV star revealed she has discovered an inner strength and bravery she didn't know she had - but also how much she needs the support of those around her.
And she even suggested that if she and Tom had switched places, he might have "flourished" - because he coped better with being alone.
Asked about the rumours of a relationship with Sean, 39, she refused to pin a label on their relationship - insisting she doesn't know herself how to describe it. But she admitted he has been a real support for her since they met in September.
She said carefully: "I did meet someone in the summer who has really been there for me when I was desperately struggling being on my own. I won't label it, because I can't."
After a pause, she went on: "I have learned in the past year that I'm a really strong person. I didn't chose this, and yet I've got through it as best as I could. But I've got an amazing support system, which has been a massive help. People like my mum, Siva...
"I do need people around me. Some people can be on their own and deal with it, but I don't like it. I'll be with my mum, my auntie... I'm always with people. And I feel like I've got through this because I've had the support of so many amazing people."
"The thing is," she added candidly: "If the roles were reversed, and this had happened to Tom, he would have maybe flourished.
"But people aren't the same. He was quite happy to be by himself, I was always the one saying: 'Tom, what are we doing today? I need to see people, I need to be out'. He would just be indoors on his own, but I hate it."
Since Tom's death, Kelsey has marked a series of painful "firsts" - Aurelia and Bodhi's first birthdays without their dad, Bodhi's first day of nursery, and their first Christmas as a family of three.
And she told how the pain of each milestone has been vivid, admitting she is dreading the anniversary of Tom's death.
She said: "When I think about it now I get massive anxiety. I haven't felt right since the beginning of March. It's because I know what I'm going to have to go through. On the day itself, I'll take the kids to put flowers on his bench.
"We'll take a Jack Daniels, because that was his his favourite drink, he loved a Jack Daniels.
"All of these milestones has been equally hard, because living life without Tom is hard. The grief, when it comes, is just like the feeling I had when Tom first died. It's like someone dropped weights on you and you think: 'How am I going to pick myself up?'
"It's a horrible, breathless feeling. But that is always going to be there. I am never going to look at my kids and not feel heartbroken for them, heartbroken that they don't have a dad to watch them at swimming lessons or pick them up from school.
"Aurelia will ask me why her best friend has a dad, when she doesn't - why it had to happen to Tom - and I can't answer.
"The other day I was at swimming with Bodhi, and when it was his turn to sing a verse of the Wheels on the Bus, he asked for the verse that goes: 'The daddies on the bus say I love you.' Little things like that are so heart-breaking.
"For me, I just take each day as it comes and that's how I get through it. After April, there will be more milestones, but at least the firsts will be over. And I'm hoping that with time I can grow around the grief. I try to be as positive as possible.
"And, while it is painful, I am so happy and grateful that we still talk about Tom - and that we can still celebrate him. There are lots of families out there who have lost loved ones, and don't have the chance to see them honoured in the way he is."
Bolton-born Tom, who was diagnosed with terminal cancer in October 2020, went on to shine a powerful light on the plight of those suffering brain tumours - and fought for greater funding to be channelled into medical research in the area.
And Kelsey, who has raised thousands in her husband's memory, is now determined to carry on that fight.
She said: "I have a platform and I want to use it. Tom would have wanted me to use it too. It is shocking how little funding goes into researching brain tumours, and I have the passion to campaign for more, because it really infuriates me.
"If more funding was channelled into that research, Tom would be here. That is why it is so important that we are still talking about him, and that Siva will go on Dancing on Ice tonight to celebrate him. I know that whatever he does will be beautiful.
"It will be tough, but I am going to take deep breaths and try to enjoy it."
DoI is on ITV at 6.30pm
