Kelsey Parker has admitted the approach to the anniversary of Tom's death has been the "hardest time" since his passing.
The 33-year-old, who shared children Bodhi and Aurelia with her late The Wanted singer husband, has opened up on her grief as the one year anniversary of Tom's death approaches.
Tom was aged 33 when he died on March 30 last year following a brave battle with a brain tumour but Kelsey told OK! magazine the ordeal "feels like yesterday".
Speaking candidly about the approaching first anniversary of Tom's death, Kelsey revealed: "This is probably the hardest time since he died.
"Going from February into March was such a hard transition because I knew what was coming this month. It’s been a year since I lost him, but it feels like yesterday. I’ve not really wanted to face this month because it’s the realisation that he’s not been here for a whole year and how much we all miss him."
Kelsey, who recently admitted she 'doesn't want to think' about the upcoming milestone, has been battling anxiety in the build-up to the anniversary and revealed she's been experiencing tics as of late.
The mum-of-two explained: "I was just dreading this month.
"When I met my friend for coffee I kept clearing my throat and coughing, like a little tic. I think it’s just the anxiety of this month and the struggle. It’s like living in a s**t show."
During Tom's cancer battle, The Wanted singer and his wife Kelsey called themselves the 'Positive Parkers' and remained optimistic about Tom's battle but, the widow candidly revealed she's struggling to keep such a mindset of late.
She explained: "I don’t want to feel like it’s s**t. But obviously it is, as it’s so difficult. Me and Tom were the ‘Positive Parkers’ and I try and see the positive in everything. But honestly, I don’t feel like there is a positive in my life at the moment. It’s just awful what’s happened to us as a family."
Despite her struggles of late, Kelsey revealed her plans to mark the anniversary of her husband's passing by going to a bench dedicated to him and lay some flowers.
"On 30 March, we’re going to walk to his bench," she said. "Tom is the man with all the benches. He has three! This is actually in a secret place that no one knows the location of, but it’s really special to me and my family. We’ll lay some flowers and just think about him.
"The next day I’m going to do some drinks for him.
"I’ve invited everyone along and we’ll raise a glass to him. I’m just going to try and celebrate it because I don’t want it to be really sad, even though I’m obviously going to be feeling all the emotions over again."
Tom's death was announced by Kelsey on Instagram. The heartbreaking post read: "It is with the heaviest of hearts that we confirm Tom passed away peacefully earlier today with all of his family by his side.
"Our hearts are broken.
"Tom was the centre of our world and we can’t imagine life without his infectious smile and energetic presence.
"We are truly thankful for the outpouring of love and support and ask that we all unite to ensure Tom’s light continues to shine for his beautiful children.
"Thank you to everyone who has supported in his care throughout, he fought until the very end. I’m forever proud of you."
