Photograph: Temilade Adelaja/Reuters
It’s the worst game of Cluedo in town. Four players dealt a hand of cards. Without turning them over, player one makes the first guess. “Just one question. Does the suspect wear glasses?” he asks. “Yes,” replies player two. “But he doesn’t have to pay for them.”
“OK,” says player one. “It’s Keir Starmer in the Cabinet Office with the suicidal tendencies.” Yup. Keir had managed to sneak up on Keir inside No 10 and club himself to death with the lead pipe. It had been a long and agonising end. Every time Keir had shown signs of regaining consciousness, he had somehow found the strength to inflict further damage on himself. You could only admire his determination. Players two, three and four throw their cards on the table in disgust. If only they had got there first.
