Kate Garraway admitted she "tortured" herself by listening to husband Derek Draper's voicemail to hear his "old voice".
The TV presenter, 56, announced last Friday that Mr Draper had died almost four years after he first fell seriously ill with Covid.
He was plagued with health woes after contracting the virus in 2020, and suffered a cardiac arrest in early December.
Garraway, who was married to the former Labour spin doctor for 18 years and shared two children with him, supported him throughout and was there until the very end, holding his hand.
She revealed that one thing that would give her the strength to continue to fight for her other half, was to call his phone to hear his voice when he was in an induced coma.
Writing in her 2023 memoir, The Strength of Love, she explained: "I knew that what I was about to do would be like torturing myself but I sensed this was the moment that I needed to push myself to the limit.
"I called Derek’s old mobile number and heard his ‘old voice’ on the answerphone – so powerful, so in control, the soft Lancashire accent so familiar and now so distant from the whispered words we heard from Derek every day.
"I was floored, but knew I had to... go deeper, so I searched his last texts to me and his emails going further back than the final heart-breaking ones he’d sent me from the hospital, before he was put into the coma."
She also sought comfort from pouring over old emails, writing: “These were emails from 2019 and early 2020. Some were practical, ‘Pick up X’ or ‘I can’t make that. Can you?’. Then there were lengthier ones about the children – Darcey’s GCSE options and Bill’s struggles with maths. There were others about me [and] my projects. ‘What you’ve written, darling, is really good. I am having a good day too but will tell you about that over your famous Thai fish cakes for tea – hint hint?!’ he’d written.
"At the time, I had seen these messages in an almost business-like way. As I rushed around, busy with work and the kids. Three years on, reading these day-to-day conversations brought me to tears. I felt full of regret that I hadn’t treasured this connection... more.”
She concluded: “If someone had asked me to explain what it was Derek and I had together... I could have sent them these few notes of love and support. That’s all they would have needed.”
