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Won’t somebody think of Jurriën Timber? Less than 24 hours after being unveiled as an Arsenal player, the young defender would have had to scroll some way down the homepage of his new club’s website to find news of his arrival from Ajax. What he will have noticed is that his new employers had pressed every bell and whistle at their disposal into service to herald the arrival of their long-term target and record signing, Declan Rice, from West Ham. Peep! Here’s a video of Declan being welcomed by club sporting director Edu! Ding-dong! Here’s footage of the England midfielder stroking the belly of training-ground pup, Win. Clang! It’s Declan inspecting the dressing-rooms and receiving his new shirt! Jingle-jangle! Gaze in excitement as he finally puts pen to paper after a protracted six-month courtship. And Shazam, which is admittedly neither a bell nor a whistle but the tune-identifying app Football Daily used to discover that the music accompanying Declan’s surprisingly low-key unveiling video is a banger by Nigerian grime artist Odumodublvck.
