Here is the kind of sequelised franchise-clone movie to make you feel as if you’re lining up at the cinema like one of Nurse Ratched’s patients, while a dead-eyed attendant pops IP-content capsules out of an enormous blister pack. Genre and formula films can be great, but this flavourless slice of digitainment – the third in the Jurassic World series and the sixth in the Jurassic franchise overall – is overwhelmingly mediocre and pointless, contrived and lifelessly convoluted to the point of gibberish.
The first in the World series, back in 2015, admittedly put a little zap back in, but now this exercise in dead-dino flogging is dire. And the very worst thing of all is Chris Pratt. It’s painful to remember how funny he used to be in TV’s Parks and Recreation, as well as Guardians of the Galaxy. Now he’s the boring action lead, forever doing smoulderingly hunky looks directed past the camera. You’ve heard of Blue Steel. This is Brown Steel. Or Beige Steel.
