A joint family where the members are under the supervision of grandparents has its joys and challenges. Usually, the grandmother has the upper hand when it comes to household decisions such as cooking, shopping, following traditions and maintaining relationships. She is the decision maker. Whereas the grandfather would be immersed in the worldly affairs of finance, and grooming his sons in the family’s profession, which could be farming, business or any trade.
My grandmother was born before Independence. She is not sure of the birth date. She remembers that she was married off at the age of 12, and after two years she was sent to her husband’s place as was the custom, known as gowna. The distance between her maternal house and that of her parents-in-law was just a five-minute walk. Later, as we grew up, we would wonder whether grandmother and grandfather had had a child marriage or a love marriage!
My father was born when grandmother was around 16. Three other children were to follow. All the deliveries were normal, assisted by the village midwife. Grandmother not only managed the kids and household work but also supervised agricultural work in the fields.
My grandparents respected each other. I never heard them quarrel or having heated arguments. Differences did arise but those were resolved in an amicable manner. Grandfather would consult grandmother on important matters. The village women would respect her a lot and would take her advice on personal and family matters. When there was any function in the family, my grandmother’s estimation as to how much rice or vegetables had to be cooked would never go wrong.
My grandmother and my mother shared a sweet and sour relationship. Grandmother would object if my mother cooked something or bought home something without her permission. They would have a spat and then forget about it. We were four siblings, two girls and two boys. I was the younger daughter. Three of us would sleep cozily between our grandparents while my little brother slept by our parents.
Grandfather passed away when I was in the final year at school. Grandmother’s authority continued until we all got married and my mother became a mother-in-law. Whenever my grandmother’s demands became a bit unreasonable, my father would ask my mother not to react and to just ignore things for the sake of peace. But now the situation has changed. Grandmother has realized that now her grandson is taking care of the family. She understands that the younger generation has less patience. Slowly, she has given way to her daughter-in-law.
Last year, my grandmother had a fall and fractured her leg. When I visited her, I asked her to wear a night dress for convenience. She refused saying she would feel shy in front of visitors. And when her eyesight started failing, she did not want to wear spectacles. She said she would look old. Instead, she was ready for contact lens!
radhika_writer@yahoo.co.in
