TAMPA, Fla. — Here are some excerpts from a few Christmas carols Tampa Bay sports fans might sing during the holidays:
— (Sung to the tune of “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas”)
They’re beginning to score a lot like Stamkos
Every shift they go
It’s Kucherov on the mend, Brayden Point once again
Even if the salary cap won’t grow
They’re beginning to score a lot like Stamkos
Goals for evermore
But the prettiest sight to see, is holding the Cup with glee
On the Hillsborough shore
———
— (Sung to the tune of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”)
You’re gonna have doubt
You may even cry
You better chill out
I’m telling you why
Arians is leaving this town
He’s fixing a drink
Bacardi with ice
Gonna retire while still looking nice
Arians is leaving this town
He’s sorry that you’re weeping
He knows your heart might break
He knows the Bucs are bad, not good
So count on coaching mistakes!
———
— (Sung to the tune of “The First Noel”)
The last cowbell, the Rays might say
Will ring at Tropicana
If a city don’t pay
If the team can’t stay, a child might weep
‘Cause of baseball fans who don’t give a bleep
Cowbell, cowbell, cowbell, cowbell,
Pour me a glass of zinfandel
———
— (Sung to the tune of “A Sleigh Ride Together With You”)
Just watch those highlights streaming
Gold Glove dreaming now, too
You know it’s been our pleasure
To see Kiermaier diving on cue
For years KK was balling
Always enthralling, woo hoo
Oh yeah, it’s been our pleasure
He’s a Tampa Bay treasure, it’s true
———
— (Sung to the tune of “Frosty the Snowman”)
AB the ball man, was a jolly happy troll
With his fake vax hype and a Twitter pose, and shirtless end zone stroll
AB the wild man, is a rapper now they say
He has fallen so low, but as Bucs fans know, the man could really play
———
— (Sung to the tune of “Here Comes Santa Claus”)
Here comes Fred McGriff, here comes Fred McGriff
Right down Cooperstown Lane
Toronto and Tampa Bay and all his Braves years
Supporting his campaign
Balls were flinging, Crime Dog swinging
Enshrinement was a fight
Raise your glasses and leave your chairs
Cause Fred made the Hall tonight!
———
— (Sung to the tune of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”)
He really can’t stay (Brady is old this ride)
Might even go away (Brady is old, but tried)
This season has been (Hoping they’d finally win)
So imprecise (We’ll have to hope the gameplan’s nice)
Joel Glazer will start to worry (The fan club may even scurry)
And Bryan will be pacing the floor (A coach may be shown the door)
So really they’d better hurry (Draft position is now blurry)
But maybe just a field goal more (I can’t even look; what’s the score?)
———
— (Sung to the tune of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”)
You know Modell and Mara and Halas and Rooney
Yawkey and Selig and Autry and Wrigley
But do you recall
The most generous owner of all
Vinik is spreading more cheer
As every Bolts fan knows
And if you need donations
From his heart will always flow
All of the other owners
Care more about hockey games
Not so for Mister Vinik
Thank our lucky stars he came
