Shamed rugby league star Joe Westerman sent a series of grovelling texts to wife Lauren after a video of him carrying out a sex act on another woman in an alleyway went viral.
The Castleford Tigers forward, 33, apologised and branded his wife "perfect", but she insists there is no way back for the two-cap England star.
Westerman has been issued a fine by his club and will be absent when they take on his former side Hull FC in their Super League opener on Sunday.
“Words will never ever explain how sorry I am," wrote the grovelling star. "I can’t explain what happened cos I physically can’t remember. It’s disgusting and I now have to live with it forever.
"Losing you and the kids is heartbreaking Lauren, you deserve so much better. You always said alcohol would f*** me up.”
When his wife explained he should have listened to her advice, he added: "Story of my life. I miss you like crazy. U was perfect.
“I need you to know I can’t remember anything about that night. I look like a zombie.”
Despite insisting their marriage is over, Lauren is hopeful the duo can eventually have a civil relationship for the sake of their three children, two of whom were sent the shocking video on Snapchat.
“I thought it was forever," she told The Sun. “We’ve had our ups and downs but always managed to find our way back together. This is just incredibly sad. I feel heartbroken, angry, sad and disappointed.
“He’s laid waste to everything. I haven’t been able to sleep because of it. But there is no way back.I want us to get on eventually and have a really good co- parenting life. I want the kids to want to see their dad. I’ve got no choice but to be strong now.
“I could sit and cry in a ball, let the kids see me and they’d dislike their daddy even more. That’s not what I want at all. I don’t know if our children will ever forgive their dad. There will be no more family dinners, no family days out.
“It’s all gone. The kids won’t be able to see him play again because of the chants he will now inspire. I just hope in time they can forget it.”
Through his club Castleford, Westerman apologised for the video and admitted he had problems with alcohol.
He said in a statement: "Firstly, I would like to take this opportunity to wholeheartedly apologise to my family and friends for my actions. I'd also like to apologise to the supporters, sponsors, staff, and directors of Castleford Tigers as well as my teammates.
"I’d like to extend this apology to the game of rugby league, and I have realised that I need to work on my decision-making around alcohol."
