This is the sort of crisis we like, one we can revel in, a sporting calamity but no more than that. Lives have not been ruined. No one has died. The options ahead, though hard to unravel, are not terrifying.
Three months ago, England’s cricket team were thrashed by a good Australian side and as a consequence the managing director and coach were sacked by the England and Wales Cricket Board’s Red Adair, Andrew Strauss, who belied his reputation for rock-solid pragmatism by sending the side off to the Caribbean without some of their best players – just to see what happened.
Now England have lost humiliatingly against West Indies – a moderate, spirited side nowhere near as good as Australia. Something must be done to hasten “the red‑ball reset”. Fresh cliches may be required.
So we can all leap on our bandwagons. This means I can rail against the myopic structure of English domestic cricket, which has the prime cricketing months of the summer being devoted to two types of short‑form cricket. Why should the next generation of cricketers be bothered with this archaic red‑ball game? The money is elsewhere. The advent of the Hundred is symbolic of a sleepwalk to decline; it may be a godsend for women’s cricket but the death knell for the men’s game.
Others may use England’s demise this winter as confirmation of a county structure that’s not fit for purpose. Why not be radical and abolish them all? Use the Hundred model to create some red-ball franchises in the urban centres and bugger Bognor, or Hove or Taunton or Chelmsford or Worcester.
And what about our batters? They can only score runs on featherbeds and how can they possibly prosper when they never encounter genuine pacemen in county cricket? Except that they have been humiliated this winter by Scott Boland and Kyle Mayers, both of whom display the qualities of the archetypal English seamers, who are just gearing up for action this April?
So let’s not pretend there are any simple solutions. There will be calls for more change. Someone else has to go and the only one left in the firing line is captain Joe Root – even though we currently have no idea who has the job of sacking him if he does not walk away of his own accord.
More agonising about Root’s captaincy is faintly preposterous since he has been in charge for longer than any other Englishman in history, 64 Tests, of which 27 have been won and 26 lost. After all those Tests you would have thought the debate about Root was over. He is not the worst captain we have ever had. Nor the best. He is a thoroughly decent, well‑respected leader, genuinely devoted to the game and, by a terrifying margin, England’s best batter. But that does not mean that he should carry on regardless.
Ben Stokes, age 30
Why? Vice-captain, heartbeat of the team, powerful personality. Steered a motley crew to a 3-0 triumph in the one‑day series against Pakistan last summer.
Why not? Already has his hands full as an all‑rounder, can be combustible, and said in January that he did not want the job.
Stuart Broad, age 35
Why? Vast experience, sharp cricket brain, the most articulate man in the room. As Pat Cummins is proving with Australia, fast bowlers can run the show. Has had some practice after leading England’s T20 team for three years.
Why not? Sometimes hot-headed, reliably bad at reviews, too old to play every game – and now a rabbit with the bat.
Eoin Morgan, age 35
Why? Simply the best. In Top Trumps: England Men’s Captains, he would score higher for authority, vision and composure than anyone since Mike Brearley. Has already rebuilt one England squad, transforming them from zeroes to World Cup heroes. Test record middling, but no worse than most England batters. Bound to be the boss one day, may as well start now.
Why not? Out of form, has become injury-prone.
James Vince, age 31
Why? Sharpest captain on the county circuit. Has transferred his gifts from Hampshire to Southern Brave, with whom he won the Hundred. Fine fielder, getting better as an England batter – averaging 40 since last June.
Why not? Maddening inability to bring the best out of himself. Specialises in sparkling scores of 15-20, which consist of four dreamy strokes and a waft to second slip.
Liam Livingstone, age 28
Why? He’s a star. Has presence and acumen, captained Lancashire at 24. Superb fielder, sparky sixth bowler, first-class average of 38.
Why not? Yet to play a Test. Born big hitter, not an easy role to play when carrying the burdens of office. More credible as the captain after next.
Sam Billings, age 30
Why? Four years of experience as captain of Kent, plus one in the Hundred with Oval Invincibles. Fields well, can keep wicket, has a good temperament. Personable and articulate.
Why not? Jack of all trades, master of none. Has still played just the one Test – at Hobart in January, as the understudy’s understudy. Joe Root is personable too, and look where that got us. Tim de Lisle
He will probably go now; he probably should. It is not all his fault. His side has been about three Test batters short. He has done his time in charge and at the moment it is not working. He could even come back in a few years’ time.
Maybe we should view the captaincy differently. In recent times it has become a presidential term. With a few failed interlopers, the England captaincy has passed from Atherton to Hussain to Vaughan to Strauss to Cook and then to Root in roughly four-year cycles as if it is the holy grail, which dare not be disturbed. It does not have to be like that. There is no harm in letting someone else have a go. In cricket the captain is a deliciously important post but there is still scope for a bit of experimentation.
It is tempting to be mesmerised by the mystique of the great captain, which is mostly Mike Brearley’s fault. In fact his period in charge was a consequence of a freakish set of circumstances involving two larger-than-life characters – Kerry Packer and Ian Botham. Post‑Brearley, the armchair experts like to seek a repeat performance in times of crisis. Today that may result in suggesting the elevation of Eoin Morgan, who last played a game of cricket with a red ball in April 2019. That is the solution of diehard adherents to the captaincy mystique. I’m not even sure that Morgan should still be captaining our white-ball sides as his performances dip.
Australia sometimes show the way – by accident. Before the Ashes, out went Tim Paine out of the blue. In came Pat Cummins, an exceptional man and an exceptional cricketer but with no experience of captaincy. And he’s been very good. Arguably a distinct improvement.
Admittedly England do not possess such an obvious candidate within their current team, leading us to the traditional old English way, which sends us around the counties in pursuit of “leadership” qualities. This takes us to the likes of Rory Burns, James Vince, Tom Abell, Sam Billings, Tom Westley and Will Rhodes. Ho hum.
So, what of recent members of the England set-up? After a traumatic year or more even Ben Stokes may be uncertain whether the job suits him at the moment. More importantly, alongside Root, he has to be one of the pillars of the England team in 2022.
Indeed we may have to think in terms only of the next series rather than the next four years. So who could we put in charge for the three Tests against New Zealand. Stuart Broad? Possibly. One other suggestion from an armchair: Jos Buttler. I did tell you there are no simple solutions.
