Jimmy Kimmel
Jimmy Kimmel lamented the egregiously low vaccination rate in the US on Tuesday evening, citing a study that found it had the second lowest rate (66%) of the 15 countries tracked. “It’s almost like people here are getting bad information from someplace, you know?” Kimmel said. “The only country below us is Russia (49%), which is kinda nice – our countries haven’t been on the same page since like Rocky fought Drago.”
The survey also found that 6% of Americans say they’re “planning” to get the vaccine. “OK, when?” Kimmel wondered. “The vaccine’s been out for more than a year! How busy could you be, really?”
Meanwhile, as part of its evolving Covid strategy at home, the Biden administration on Tuesday unveiled its website for free Covid tests, promising four free tests per household, “which is great news for people who live alone and literally no one else,” Kimmel mused. “What if you have a family of five? Do you start ranking your children?”
“Free Covid tests by mail, what a great idea – if this was a year ago,” he added. The site, CovidTests.gov, claims to ship requested tests within seven to 12 days. “Biden’s original plan was you send in a bunch of cereal box tops, but that didn’t work, and now he’s on to this.”
Trevor Noah
We’re all now able to receive at-home Covid tests from the government immediat…in 7-12 days! pic.twitter.com/ojuNNNQRn7
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) January 19, 2022
On the Daily Show, Trevor Noah also reacted to the launch of the White House’s free Covid tests website: “just as soon as the Omicron wave is over.”
“I mean, it’s great that tests are finally going to be available for everyone, but seven to 12 days? You don’t think that’s a little too long? In a pandemic? I mean, every day is precious. Every single day is precious in a pandemic – if anyone should know that, it’s Joe Biden.
“I can’t help but think that if America just took a military approach to Covid, this testing thing would be solved [snaps fingers] like that,” Noah continued. “Because there’s no delays when it comes to the American military. America doesn’t need bombs, and then starts building them. America always has bombs ready to go!
“If America wants to drone someone, no one is like ‘OK, we can place the order now and then we wait seven to 12 days, unless there’s a holiday, then in that case …’” he added. “It’s just boom! That terrorist is gone, baby. What? It was just a family? Well boom, they’re still gone! I stand by my boom.”
“If America was that proactive when it comes to pandemics, we would’ve all gotten these tests months before Omicron even got here,” he concluded. Not that you could trust Americans to know how to handle the tests well. “We’re just going to test ourselves for antigens?” he joked. “Is that before or after we mess up the directions on an Easy Mac?”
Stephen Colbert
And on the Late Show, Stephen Colbert checked in on Democrats’ voting rights legislation, mired by a GOP filibuster in the Senate. The chamber’s Democrats plan to press ahead this week with an effort to pass the legislation, even though it appears, according to the New York Times, “all but dead”.
“Come on, guys, don’t give up the fight! Do not get discouraged – in the Senate, there are a lot of things that appear all but dead,” Colbert said, cutting to a photo of Mitch McConnell, Chuck Grassley and other elderly senators.
Democrats plan to push ahead with a vote anyway to put on record who’s for and against voting rights. “That’s right, because once you know which politicians are keeping you from being able to vote, you can vote them out – and, I see the problem. That’s a toughie,” Colbert quipped.
The GOP filibuster of critical voting rights protection has drawn the ire of even musician Stevie Wonder, who this week released a scathing YouTube video calling on Republicans senators to “cut the bull-tish.”
“I want to thank Stevie Wonder for standing up for democracy and swearing in a way I can air on my CBS television show,” Colbert saluted. “You, sir, are one bad mother-trucker.”
“Senators, you know how hard it is to make Stevie Wonder that angry?” he added. “The meanest thing he’s ever said up till now is ‘you’re just my part-time lover.’”
