Jess Wright has opened up about her struggle with postnatal depression and admitted she felt so bad that at one point she "didn't want to be here".
The former The Only Way Is Essex star, 36, gave birth to a baby boy, Presley, back in May, after discovering she was pregnant days after marrying business owner William Lee-Kemp, 34, last September.
Jess said she was scared she would be criticised by the public for not being a good enough mum and knew she needed to ask for help.
"It’s not all rainbows and magic – it’s f**king tough.
"It’s the reality of looking after another human being and wanting the best for that child in every single way – and judging yourself," she told Fabulous Magazine.
Jess said at one point her husband found her collapsed at their home, crying and saying: "I don't want to be here."
Jess said she hadn't wanted to die, but "wanted to sleep for a bit and then wake up feeling better."
She hopes talking about her own mental health struggles can help other mums in her position and show that you can come through it.
Jess' journey to motherhood was not straightforward and she froze some of her embryos several months before her pregnancy due to fears of going through early menopause.
She said her mum had gone through it at 42 and her Nanny Pat was also young when she went through menopause.
Jess said: "I was 34 at the time and the pandemic was going on. William and I didn’t know when we were going to get married, but we were adamant we wanted that before having a child."
Six months before their wedding, they made the decision to freeze five embryos as a "safety net".
The couple ended up falling pregnant without needing the frozen embryos.
Presley had to be delivered by emergency Caesarean five days before her due date after he became less active.
Speaking to Hello! magazine, she said: "In those last few weeks he had been so active and then, all of sudden, it completely dropped, which was very scary, so our doctor told us to come straight to hospital."
After medics tried to induce the birth for 48 hours, Jess explained how they found his heart rate to be dropping.
She said they thought it might have been caused by him being in an awkward position so took the decision to get him out quickly via C-section.
The couple brought him home from hospital five days later, but Jess' depression had returned.
She said she still gets upset thinking she will never have the feeling of coming home from the hospital happy because "depression took it away".
Will stood by her throughout the ordeal, with Jess saying she couldn't have gotten through it without him.
*If you're struggling and need to talk, the Samaritans operate a free helpline open 24/7 on 116 123. Alternatively, you can email jo@samaritans.org or visit their site to find your local branch
