Jennifer Ellison has branded SAS Who Dares Wins “the best therapy ever” as it helped her finally come to terms with her violent past with a gangster lover.
The former Brookside actress had her world turned upside down after falling in love with gangland thug Tony Richardson in 1999.
That romance dragged her into the criminal underworld in her hometown of Liverpool. She became embroiled in a catalogue of violent incidents from fire-bombings to drive-by shootings.
After splitting from Tony, the 39-year-old met and married Rob Tickle, to whom she has been happily wed for 13 years, and became a mum to their three sons Bobby, 12, Harry, seven, and Charlie, six.
But while her life looks on track, she says taking part in the gruelling Channel 4 show reopened old wounds.
In Sunday night’s episode fans saw her break down as she opened up to former Commando Jason “Foxy” Fox in the show’s famous mirror room, admitting her life with Tony left her feeling worthless.
She explains: “It was a volatile relationship and he was connected with this other world, this gangland world.
“For years and years I thought that life was normal and bad things like that happened to everyone because it happened in the world I was in. I was having nails in my letter box, going into hiding and fearing for your life walking down the street. That’s not normal.
“It’s just been one of those things that I kind of buried, just kind of got on with life and got on with everything.
“I look back and think how it was so traumatic. It was so horrific what I was going through. I was such a young girl, I was a baby.
“I feel like opening up in the mirror room about that has put that part of my life to bed. It was like the best therapy session ever.”
The actress met Tony when she was 16, they got together a year later and within 12 months they were engaged.
Their relationship quickly became abusive, with Jennifer admitting she was subjected to devastating attacks that left her with broken bones and her self-esteem in tatters.
Thanks to Tony’s underworld connections it was a romance dominated by violence, from being attacked with weapons in their car to having their home fire-bombed.
And in 2003, police were called in after their property was targeted in a drive-by shooting.
For years Jennifer defended her bad boy lover, who was later jailed for eight years after being convicted of a sword attack in Liverpool.
But she admits that a pep talk from Foxy during filming last year was the moment that kick-started her comeback by finally helping her put the past behind her.
She explains: “You get broken down that much so when someone says, ‘Right, tell me about you’, it literally just takes over your whole body and just comes out.
“It’s almost like you go back to that place and you need to get it off your chest. It’s crazy, honestly.
“Foxy’s like, ‘Listen, you need to believe in yourself more, don’t let the past define you’. He spoke to me and he’s so strong. I was just in awe.
“As soon as he told me that I was like, ‘Oh my God’, and then the next day I had my best challenge ever.
“It was just like something changed in me, it’s like something got switched on in me, it was weird.
“I think it’s the power of the show, it strips you down and builds you back up again.”
Jennifer is one of 14 famous faces taking on TV’s toughest show and was joined in Jordan by stars including Olympic legend Fatima Whitbread, reality star Calum Best, former Strictly dancer AJ Pritchard and Love Island winner Amber Gill.
Signing up to the show was a big decision for Jennifer, who left Brookside in 2003 and has starred in the West End and in reality TV shows since. She admits she put her career on hold to look after her sons and launch Jelli Studios, a dance and theatre school in Liverpool.
She explains: “I was thinking, ‘I don’t know when my next pay cheque is, I can’t live like this.’ That’s why I decided to open the school to have some more stability for the kids.
“For 10 years, I’ve been doing something completely alien to what I ever wanted to do, performing-wise. I lost my sparkle. I lost who I was, I lost that little flame that’s always been inside of me. So this opportunity came along and I just thought, ‘I’m going to grab it with both hands and see if I can still do my stuff’. It was more of a challenge for me personally, to see if I could test myself and kind of remember who I am and the fire I used to have inside of me.”
For this year’s show Ant Middleton was replaced with two Americans, Marine Rudy Reyes and Navy Seal Remi Adeleke, who joined regulars Foxy and Billy Billingham.
And the fearsome foursome wasted no time putting the new recruits through hell. On day one, the 14 stars were gassed in a chamber they had to escape from.
“I was a disgrace in that challenge. So much so that Billy actually chucked me out the window. It makes you instantly panic. I was like, ‘Get me out. Get me out’. Banging on the door, banging on the windows, and absolutely terrified.
“It’s like someone is choking you but you can’t see them, it’s utterly terrifying. Everything hurts, just a weird sensation that I’ve never experienced.”
Jennifer is keeping tight-lipped about how far she went, but admits it was the toughest experience of her life.
“Honestly the most excruciating, unbearable, going to hell and back thing you can do,” she says.
“And then getting the most incredible reward at the end that stays with you for life and that changes you as a human being.
“Once you’ve gone through labour you’re never the same person again, and I’ll never be the same person again after SAS Who Dares Wins.”
- Celebrity SAS Who Dares Wins is on Sunday at 9pm on Channel 4.
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