On which note, I will take my leave because Andy Hunter’s match report is with us. Thanks all for your company and comments – sorry I couldn’t use them all – and enjoy the second game. Peace out.
“You raise a most interesting – if not, under the circumstances, particularly urgent - point re the concept of something being ‘nondescript’,” says Andrew McGuire. “However, as the ‘thing’ in this case was a ball, which by definition is round, the question appears almost as moot as it is irrelevant to the match on which you are purportedly reporting. I nevertheless wonder how many of the minimum of ten forthcoming penalty kicks will be described in a fashion that gives the reader a sense of their ‘penalty-kick-ness’ or quiddity.”
Not so, I don’t think – I was describing a pass, for which “ball” is a synonym, not the actual sphere which is, as you intimate, spherical.
“Heart broken,” says Krishna Moorthy. “On the flip side, all this for only getting skinned alive by Brazil.”
Better than getting skinned alive by Boris, of Wind-Up Bird fame, I guess. But I can’t quite agree otherwise, because the way I see it, it’s all this for a moment like that at the end. When Croatians look back at this time – when they inculcate it in their children and grandchildren – it’ll be the feeling of victory, and the excitement through the stretch that sustains.
“It’s 3am and my son is in tears,” says Robert Turner. “Football what a beautiful but cruel game.”
I feel like I say this all the time, but there’s nothing even remotely like it – which is this competition is where it is, but also why it provokes emotions and reactions in us that nothing else can.
Is Kylian Mbappé good? Nick Ames has the answer – and many others, here:
On the subject of female Japanese writers, Joseph Trivers returns: “Fumiko Enchi should be read. She is amazing.”
I am bookmarking the arse out of this MBM, and please be very sure it’s nothing to do with anything I’ve contributed to it. I want to drop tons on books this very second.
“Only *slightly* different stakes but my brother was a set-piece specialist for our all-conquering under 9s league back in the 90s,” says Casiano Martinez. “He would claim side-footing gives you a better inside whip and is harder for the keeper to read your run, but he’s also left-footed and as we all know they’re just magic.”
I’d not worry too much about the keeper – hit it properly, and they can’t do anything.
ANDITDONTSTOP! We’ve barely finished hither and we’re going yon! Stick with me while we calm ourselves down, but also join Scott Murray for Brazil v South Korea!
James Hopkin emails with some Japanese women we should read: “Sayaka Murata, Yu Miri, Banana Yoshimoto, Yoko Ogawa. Here’s a handy ready-reckoner.” And he also recommends Tilted Axis Press, who try to bring Asian writers to English translation.”
“I think nondescript is a placeholder for a description that is unforthcoming,” says Sean Bennett. “Much in the same way the words dark matter are used as a placeholder for a description of whatever dark matter in fact is. So it isn’t paradoxical. Or it is. Hope that clears that up.”
That’s why we’re here!
As for Croatia, here’s often a team that doesn’t impress but still does well, and so far, that’s them. They meet Brazil or South Korea next, and it’s hard to see them going any further if the favourites progress.
Goodness me, I’ve just realised I’m half-standing and that my palms are leaking. Association football!
Looking again, the second Livakovic save – from Mitoma – is a really brilliant effort. He extends an arm to claw free of the line and somehow sends the ball the other way.
I’m just a moron with a keyboard, but I’ll never quite get why, if you’re going low, you don’t hit a penalty with your laces. Because if you use the side, don’t hit the side-netting, and the keeper guesses right, it’s getting saved.
Oh man, I can’t lie, I was kind of looking forward to the crying, but seeing these Japan lads in tears has broken me. I’ve absolutely adored their work, and they deserve all of our affection and respect.
Absolute heartbreak for Japan, who’ve put so so much, not just into this game but into this competition! But – and I despise saying this – they froze in the shootout, while Livakovic grew! He saved three kicks, and is a national hero! What a feeling for him! He’ll never, ever feel like this again as long as he lives!
Updated
Croatia beat Japan 3-1 on penalties!
Pasalic keeps calm, finds the bottom left, and Croatia are into the last eight!
Updated
Japan 1-2 Croatia
Yoshida goes left … and Livakovic reads it, saving easily again! Japan’s misses have all been so weak! Croatia can win it now….
Japan 1-2 Croatia
Livaja ambles up, pauses, looks up, an taps against the post like Gonda’s gone the wrong way!
Updated
Japan 1-2 Croatia
Asano scores easily, Livakovic going left as he goes right.
Japan 0-2 Croatia
Gonda goes to his right and Brozovic clips down the middle! If Japan don’t score this one, Croatia can win next go!
Japan 0-1 Croatia
Livakovic saves again! Mitoma goes low but not in the corner, and the keeper saves to his right this time!
Japan 0-1 Croatia
Vlasic sweeps home!
Japan 0-0 Croatia
A miserable effort from Minamino, Livakovic saving low to his left without having to go very far.
Updated
It’s Minamino to kick, and when you see the angle from behind him, the goal looks very small and Livakovic looks very big…
Japan to go first, and at their end; the ref tells the keepers what he expects from them.
Gonda, though, seems to me like the kind of confident, athletic keeper who saves penalties.
Updated
I guess Croatia have the experience, but that means they also have the fear. Or in other words, I’ve not a clue what’s going to happen next.
Full-time in extra time: Japan 1-1 Croatia
It’s lottery time!
120 min Anyone know what the Japanese fans are singing? But excuse me whole I interrupt myself, Brozovic powering into the box from the left and seeing his shot blocked by Tomiyasu! And Croatia keep at it, Majer collecting the ball outside the box, taking a touch, and seeing the celebration and headline! He’s got a clear sight of goal! He can be the hero! But he can only shoot a yard or two wide of the near post!
119 min Croatia win a free-kick down the left which Barisic pumps into Tanaka. He wears it pretty well, going down but refusing treatment in favour of a moment; we’re almost done.
118 min Brozovic, who’s been disappointing, dinks a nondescript ball into the box – is nondescript a philosophical paradox, given by deploying it, we’ve disproved the point it’s trying to make? – and Yoshida, who’s been excellent clears.
117 min Japan have never reached the last eight of the World Cup. They’re about to endure, and perhaps enjoy, the most important few minutes in their country’s football history.
116 min Barisic loses possession to Ito, scythes him down, and as soon as he’s stretched out his cramp, he’s booked.
115 min Now Japan counter, and Sakai has a chance to cross … but scuffs his effort and Croatia clear the box. But then Tanaka finds Endo in a nice position down the right and he crosses, but Mitoma opts to go for goal instead of knocking back across, and Livakovic collects well.
114 min Mitoma thinks he’s letting the ball out, and Pasalic somehow sneaks up on him to win a throw. Again, here comes Juranovic to luzz into the box … but again, out comes Gonda to claim confidently.
113 min Croatia are having a good couple of minutes and win a thrown down the right which Juranovic hurls at Pasalic, who gets a flick, and underneath it we enjoy the unusual spectacle of a cowering defender, Sakai doing what we’d all do, but to allow Gonda to rush out and hold.
112 min …but Gonda rushes out to double-fist clear. He’s been solid tonight.
111 min Majer nashes down the right and crosses; Japan don’t get the ball clear, and Croatia have a corner, so here come the big men…
110 min Both sides are absolutely bushed, but it’s Japan who look fresher now, Mitoma again holding the width before trying to move inside and giving the ball away.
109 min And here he is now, collecting a square pass from Tanaka down the left, but his cross is poor and Croatia get it away.
Updated
108 min Mitoma robs Pasalic and nips down the left, but running out of space, he passes infield and backwards. He looks the likeliest gamebreaker.
Updated
107 min Those changes removing likely penalty-takers, suggest both sides would like to get this done in the next 15 minutes.
Updated
106 min We go again!
Updated
Change for Japan: Tanaka replaces Morita. And two changes for Croatia: Livaja and Orsic for Budimir and Perisic.
Half-time in extra time: Japan 1-1 Croatia
Both sides are trying to win this, but neither has much left nor anyone they can rely on to score. But the nerves are getting right on top, and when that happens, who knows?
Updated
105+2 min These last few minutes have been better.
105+1 min We’ll have two added minutes.
105 min They’ve been quiet in extra time but Japan spring, Mitoma collecting possession in his own half and attacking the inside-left channel before, suddenly, he sees a space inside so his attacks it and unleashes a powerful shot … that’s straight at Livakovic, who beats away! Japan maintain pressure, but when the ball comes back, Tomiyasu, waiting ages for it to drop, can’t think of anything goof to do when it does and though a corner eventuates, it comes to nowt.
103 min Aaaarrrggghhh! A poor header backwards from Mitoma has his hands covering his swede immediately, but Asano is on-hand to clear up his mess before Pasalic can pounce.
Updated
103 min Endo wins possession in midfield and sticks a ball in behind Gvardiol for Asano. Yeah, good luck getting that, old mate.
Updated
101 min Croatia win a throw dow the right and when it’s hurled in Budomic gets flick, but it won’t arrive at Budomir quickly enough, Sakai and Asano sliding in to block.
100 min As is often the case with extra time, the tension is greater than the quality, so the director cuts to Vida sticking an arm around both Kovacic and Modric, creating what looks like the world’s most fearsome football-monster.
Updated
98 min Changes for Croatia and might this be the last we see of the wonderful Luka Modric on the world stage? He departs – Kovacic too – with Majer and Vlasic arriving.
96 min “Has no one mentioned Scabby Queen yet?” You know, same as Old Maid but the loser then has to cut the deck and receive be rapped over the knuckles with a pack of cards the resulting number of times? From memory, views were mixed on whether you had to stop when blood was drawn.”
Never! But we did slaps and scrapes: you cut, and if it was black you got rapped, but if it was red you had the deck dragged from on top of the knuckles, over them and down. This was, in my experience, far more likely to cause claret.
95 min Asano chases a ball to the line and it goes behind; the ref gives a corner, and Kovacic is enraged; if Japan score from this, there’ll be allsorts. But eeeeesh, the ball comes in, Tomiyasu heads Pasalic – he’ll need a spot of treatment – and the whistle goes for a foul.
94 min Brozovic is caught upfield and Mitoma attacks the space, seeking Asano with a low cross … and Asano gives it the overs, but no one is behind him so Croatia clear.
Updated
92 min A near-post cross is the answer, Taniguchi diving but unable to wrap head around ball and send across goal, so instead thunking wide.
91 min “Watching from Japan,” tweets @tensaimon, “30+ minutes less sleep, though is there really any point going in for nine o’clock, none of my students will be coming to class....”
That seems like a win all round. Meantime, Japan force a corner down the right; what will Ito come up with this time?
Updated
91 min We go again. Ah man, I love extra time.
Japan look the likelier winners to me, but if I was betting, I’d back penalties. Neither side has a reliable goalscorer and chances have been in short supply since Croatia equalised.
Updated
Full-time: Japan 1-1 Croatia
That got a bit scratchy towards the end, but we’ll now have another 30 minutes of glorious World Cup FootballTM and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Updated
90+3 min It’s Japan looking likelier to force a winner, Minamino winning a throw off Modric. But Japan don’t stick the ball into the box, and that will be that.
90+2 min Excellent from Kovacic, hunting down Asano to outmuscle him down the line and set Croatia away … but then Perisic can’t collects a pass from Gvardiol.
90 min We’ll have four added minutes, before 30 extra minutes. And rightly so: we deserve, nay demand, more football.
90 min Mitoma thinks he’s found a yard in midfield but Gvardiol immediately relieves him of it and when Croatia attack, Kovacic somehow takes out Ito and Budomir with a slide, and he’s booked.
88 min “A neighbourhood favourite was sting pong,” says Sydney Kemme Nash regarding our childhood pastimes chat. “Very similar to the normal game of ping pong but for every point scored the victorious team ‘won”’the right to slam the ball as hard as they could at the bare backs of their opponents (still from across the table). No one has lasting scars as far as I’m aware.”
87 min Change for Japan, Minamino on for the excellent Doan. He’s my player of the match, for the nothing that’s worth.
Updated
86 min Kovacic appears, finds Perisic on the left, and the cross is a goodun – Japan have struggled getting these away second half – and Pasalic heads wide.
85 min Asano has a run and thinks he can breeze past Gvardiol on the outside, so is now necking a whole pint of Nahman.
84 min “Really excellent game and cannot call who will win,” says Carol McCluskey. “Maeda played as he does for Celtic, giving it his all, unbelievable speed and energy but sometimes his touch is not quite there. In a straight choice between the two of them, I would have chosen Kyogo but both are exciting players. Game could easily go to those whose plates can cope with pressure to score a penalty. Loving the commentary, only gameI have watched live due to this a being Qatar and me being female and queer but have given this bar my money for beer.”
I’ve not seen loads of Kyogo, but I’ve seen enough to be surprised he’s not in their best 23 outfielders.
83 min “Reference Zafar Soban’s comments on 66 minutes,” begins Tim Howard, “I don’t recall this in the UK but I played this in Ecuador in 2005 so it’s still going strong. The version that we played when I was at school was called Red Arse and involved players aiming penalties at you while you bent over facing away from them.”
How does one win such endeavour?
82 min As we suspected at the outset, extra-time looks extremely likely.
80 min Japan win a free-kick out on the right and the delivery is good so Croatia don’t clear properly and a lovely little ball down the side, from Mitoma, finds Tomiyasu inside the box, left-hand side, eight yards from goal! But, well, ohhhhh maaaate! Rather than hit ht, he squares to no one and Croatia clear! Japan are so much more inventive in and around the box, though.
78 min The corner is a goodun too, Pasalic knocking back and down for Barisic, who can feel the sweet, sweet feel of leather on leather … but Doan, who’s had a great game, slides in to filch the ball away from him!
77 min The World Cup-specialist is coming into this! A poor ball from Yoshida sets Perisic away and he drives through the inside-left channel, unleashing a venomous shot from 20 years that the stretching Tomiyasu deflects behind.
76 min Sakai and Barisic go up together and the latter lands awkwardly, so there’s a brief pause, but he’ll be fine.
75 min Another change for Japan, Sakai replacing Kamada – who’s had a good game. I’m surprised he’s been withdrawn.
75 min Another ball into the box from Croatia, Juranovic with it this time, but Pasalic can’t make anything of it.
Updated
73 min The corner goes near post – Croatia have clearly been working on their set-pieces which makes sense given how hard they’re finding it to score in open play – but Perisic botches his attempted turn-back to the edge.
72 min Asano spreads to Ito down the right and again he crosses low, but this time Croatia turn it away at the front post easily enough. So Croatia counter, Mdoric darts a cross-kick towards the far post … and goodness me, that’s Ito sticking it out for a corner. He’s got some lungs!
71 min We’re back in our expected pattern, I think: Croatia passing, Japan coiling.
70 min Mitoma attacks Pasalic on the outside, but runs out of pitch. Meantime, Sam Hankins emails on “The other, better Murakami; if I might, I’d like to recommend the other, better Murakami ... Ryu. Almost Transparent Blue, Coin Locker Babies, In the Miso Soup, and Audition ... all are worthy expressions of a side of Japanese culture that the effete Haruki would never touch. Cheers.”
68 min Another change for Croatia, Pasalic on for Kramaric. Thing is, Croatia can keep making these changes but the truth is that they can’t find a proper goal-threat because they just don’t have one.
67 min Croatia’s delivery into the box has been much better since half-time, and Kramaric, out on the left, comes infield and curls to the far post … where Budimir lurks! This is a chance! But from eight yards, he can only head wide of the far post!
66 min “Do they still play this schoolyard game from the 70s?” wonders Zafar Soban. “Kick a ball around in a circle (or square) and whoever is responsible for it going out gets kicked by everyone else until he makes it out of the square. Heaven help you if you fell down in the middle far from safety!”
This is how rondos should end.
65 min I keep saying it, but this is really good game – by far the best of the round, by my calculations, and the tension is own going to increase.
64 min Now two changes for Japan, Asano and Mitoma replacing Nagatomo and Maeda. Maeda has given this game everything.
63 min Kovacic wins a big header as Japan clear another Lovren ball into the box – who knew he had this in him? - and Modric controls, the ball bounces, sits up, and he clobbers a looping shot that the flying Gonda tips over the bar.
Updated
62 min Change for Croatia, Budimir replacing Petkovic – who’s had a mare.
Updated
60 min Doan has been the best player on the pitch and again, he wanders infield, collects possession and, turning Barisic who’s right up against him, shoots from on the ground. But because of the pressure and position, he can’t get much purchase on the effort, and Livakovic saves easily enough.
59 min Oooh yeah, this is on a rolling boil now, Croatia finding the energy that was so conspicuous by its absence in the first half. Modric presses, wins it high, releases Perisic, and when the low cross comes in, it looks like it’s dropping for Brozovic, running on and poised to unleash the traction engine … only for a desperate slide, by Taniguchi I think, to take the ball away from him.
57 min Japan being Japan, immediately they fly down the other end and when Endo has a shy from 25 yards, the unsighted Livakovic is forced to tip over; the corner comes to nowt.
GOAL! Japan 1-1 Croatia (Perisic 55)
This is a goal of simple brilliance. Croatia knock it about aimlessly, then Lovren sticks a tremendous ball into the box and Perisic does superbly not only to get in front of his man and apply the nut, but to cut across it and send it across Gonda, curling into the far corner, from a fair old way out! Game on!
Updated
54 min This time, Doan’s corner goes straight into the box and the delivery is poor, so Croatia clear.
53 min Croatia are pushing a bit harder now. But Petkovic, out on the right, thrashes a ball across the width of the pitch to no one and Japan counter, Ito crossing from the right and Gvardiol forced to head behind away from Maeda.
51 min I guess it’s a sign of how good Japan are that Kyogo can’t even get into the squad. Meantime, a ball into the box sees Gonda come and claim with Kramaric going down; Perisic wants a penalty, but the ref is having no such thing though, looking again, there’s a bit of contact from Tomiyasu, challenging from behind.
51 min “I agree that Wind-up Bird Chronicle is Murkami’s best,” emails Kári Tulinius, “but I wouldn’t start with it because you need to trust that he’s going somewhere, because it starts so slowly. I’d begin with Norwegian Wood or Hardboiled Wonderland. And if we’re recommending Japanese literature, I loved Kikuko Tsumara’s There’s No Such Thing as an Easy Job, and Yūko Tsushima’s Territory of Light.”
49 min which Juranovic hurls long, and Kovacic, on the edge of the box, hooks over his shoulder … but the ball drops wide. He’s hardly been in the game so far, and in general, that is my major criticism of him: when he’s doing stuff, he’s excellent, but stuff passes him by too often.
47 min :”As a Croatian person, I’m rather surprised you like Croatian beaches,” says Valdo, “as Croatia’s coastline is rocky and the vast majority of beaches are either rocky themselves, or artificial concrete beaches (which is as awful as it sounds). For a really great beach I recommend Alicante, Spain. Ice cream is good, though. But expensive. Croatia is the most expensive country in the Mediterranean. I’m really bad at patriotism, sorry.”
Hvar and Brac are great, I thought – and definitely better than Trieste and Ancona, where I also went on that holiday.
46 min Is this one match too far for this Croatia? Kamada picks up a loose ball, dips inside, and lashes a shot that' flies not too far over the bar.
46 min We go again, no changes – unlike previously, Japan don’t need to, while Croatia don’t have enough in reserve to start messing at this stage.
Half-time email: “I second your recommendation of Wind-Up Bird Chronicle,” says Joseph Trivers. “My favourite, and I think his best, novel. It really is peak Murakami. I also like Killing Comendatore. In both novels, the marriage of classical music and jazz with the narrative works very well and adds a layer of meaning. OK, 1Q84 makes excellent use of its references to music, but I don’t think it is as strong a novel as the other two. (I fully admit that I might be overestimating Killing Commendatore as my in-laws live in the area where the novel takes place and I was a bit nostalgic whilst reading.) But just don’t stop at the novels - the short stories are exquisite as well - the collections The Elephant Vanishes, After the Quake, and Men Without Women in particular.”
Wind-Up Bird was the first novel of his I read and I was on holiday at the time – as with music, the impact of a book is contingent us much on us as it – but still. And, even though I speak no Japanese, I can tell that the translation is brilliant and better than in some of his other work.
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Half-time: Japan 1-0 Croatia
Japan have played really well, moving the ball quickly, running aggressively and playing with greater imagination than Croatia. The second half should be a belter.
Updated
45+3 min Croatia go short too, but the ball that comes in is floaty and Lovren can’t get make a decent connection.
45+2 min Modric sticks another ball into the box and Petkovic’s spin and cross yields a corner off Yoshida. It’ll be this, then the whistle…
45 min There’ll be two added minutes, and co-commentators, taking the mick out of how long was added earlier is to the detriment of the game and also to fans who pay to attend. We see too little football in every 90 minutes, and there should be pressure to keep playing more, not snarky comments.
44 min There’s a VAR check for offside, but it’s clear!
GOAL! Japan 1-0 Croatia (Maeda 43)
Japan have earned this! I’ve been really impressed with their short corners – it’s not often we see any that are any good – but what happens here is it goes to Doan, he goes one more to Morita, and when the ball comes back, he curls in a delectable cross to the far post, where Yoshida’s challenge squirts it square and Maeda forces home from close range!
Updated
42 min Here come Japan again, Ito stepping inside and crossing from the left, Juranovic taking the law into his own hands and thunking a header behind as Livakovic comes to collects. The corner yields another…
40 min Croatia win a free-kick when Yoshida fouls Petkovic, hurting himself in the process. The ball in, though, is poor, and Japan counter at pace, recycling when they don’t find an immediately telling ball, then Ito backheels and Kamada collects, a fine first touch and clever chop earning him a shooting opportunity down the left of the box … but his floaty curler drifts over the bar. Japan are much sharper and more cohesive in attack.
38 min “The only Murakami I’ve read is Kafka on the Shore,” says Joe Pearson. “Intriguing, for sure, but it did not entice me to further pursue his oeuvre. I’m probably just a philistine. Shrug.”
I quite enjoyed it, but it’s a long way off Wind-Up Bird, I’d say. Norwegian Wood and What I Talk About When I Talk About Running are also good.
Updated
37 min Nice spin from Kamada, whose ball out wide is intercepted by Brozovic’s slide. Then “Modric gives it away again,” not words anyone supposed to ever speak, but Jermaine Jenas says them and he’s right.
36 min Doan looks really dangerous. Nominally, he’s playing on the right-wing, but actually, he’s buzzing about there and in central areas and Croatia haven’t got to grips with him.
34 min Morita lofts long and Doan controls well at an awkward height knocking off. Japan can’t find the right pass immediately, but they keep the ball well and one pacey pass, fed into Doan facilitates a one-touch turn around the corner into Maeda, who collects on the half-turn … but whose control means the ball doesn’t come with him.
33 min We’ve not seen much attacking from Japan these last 10 minutes, but they won’t mind that, because the more Croatia attack, the more the open themselves out to being countered on.
31 min It’s occurred to me that I’ve been talking about Japan for a good 90 minutes now, and haven’t recommended Haruki Murakami’s Wind-Up Bird Chronicle. So allow me to address that now: it’s an unbelievably good book, which I know is no revelation, but if you’ve not read it, you definitely should. He has other good ones too, but this is the best – by far, in mine.
30 min “Croatia’s kit is pretty smart",” reckons Charles Antaki, “but it’s a shame they’ve given up on the big squares they had in 2018 – that was an aesthetic classic. In the same vein, I thought the Poland kit this year was absolutely beautiful: simple, clean and not contaminated with bizarre ad hoc decorations (like, for example, the ludicrous flames on the Belgian sleeves, not to mention the meaningless blue-stripey epaulets on the English shirts).”
I love all Croatia kits because of the uniqueness of the flag it represents. I enjoyed the white Ghana kit too – the red was dreadful – and think South Korea have captured a luscious shade of red.
28 min Croatia create, Modric lofting a trademark outside-of-the-boot ball for Perisic, on the left of the box; his volleyed cross it just too strong, but pressure is maintained and the attack sustained, Barisic crossing well, Perisic flicking on, and Kramaric only just unable to apply the far-post poke that would’ve put his team in front.
Updated
28 min “We played a version of Green Pig,” says Joe Pearson, “but you put your thumb to your forehead with your fingers fanned out. No one says anything. The last person to notice has to ‘sniff it up’. I know, I’m sorry.”
26 min Here come Croatia, a hopeful ball from Gvardiol missed by Yoshida and releasing Petkovic! He trundles into the box, on its left, and has Perisic shrieking for a cut-back and Kramaric squealing for a square-pass … so he hangs onto it until a defenders comes close, before trying a nutmeg ball towards the latter, with predictable results.
24 min A foul on Gvardiol gives Croatia a free-kick 40 yards from goal and he goes forward. Modric curls the free-kick into the middle of the box – I’m not sure what he’s aiming for there – but it’s not properly cleared, and from the edge, Gvardiol – with a decent angle and a bit of time – finds an angle of elevation that looked impossible given the speed on the ball and his body-shape.
22 min “My children regularly leave me black and blue with a variation called ‘Mini Punch’ whenever a Mini is seen,” brags Ben Campbell. “And it’s not the punches which are mini...”
They have a tremendous grasp of irony, so must be very advanced. Top, top parenting.
20 min Yup, Japan have Croatia on absolute toast – mmm, absolute toast – in wide areas, Ito skinning Barisic again and crossing low … but Livakovic is able dive onto the ball, unchallenged, at his near post.
19 min This time, Doan intimates a shot from 35 yards, then dinks into the box and Croatia clear. This game’s tempo is like that of the finest Not Kosher.
18 min Japan play into Doan, who sees Gvardiol coming so gets body between man and ball, wearing the inevitable flattening. Free-kick Japan…
17 min Kamada finds Nagatomo down the left, and he comes inside then curls in another gorgeous cross that Maeda looks like he’s up for first … but isn’t, Gvardiol doing just enough to stop him heading for goal. Japan look really dangerous going forward – more so than Croatia so far.
16 min Croatia knock it about, Lovren lofting a ball down the inside-right channel, Modric – how’s he got the energy to get down there? – controlling, on the run, with the chest-shoulder junction. He’s penalised for handball, which looks pretty harsh to me.
14 min “Nutmeg Rush of course!” says Kieran Monaghan. “It combined the skill of football with violence. No goals, no teams just your footwork against a pack of ravenous school chums that wanted you to taste their leather. The aim of the game was to avoid the ball going through your legs and should such an event occur, proceed with handing out a beating to the guilt party. It was strange as there was no official time limit or severity relating to any ‘rushing’, the tough lads would accept maybe a punch each from the nerds and at times there could be a real solemn moment prior to them taking a whack, more of an obligation to dish out one punch, in the arm mostly. Others, well, the less said the better. I remember a lad missed the ski trip as he’d been protecting himself from being kneed in the tailbone repeatedly and broke two fingers. A game of fine margins, indeed.”
12 min Modric tries to pick a way through the centre of the Japan defence but his pass is intercepted and Japan build, a pass out to Ito followed by a sensational low cross that Maeda, who steals away from Lovren, can’t quite reach on the slide … then Nagatomo, at the back post, fouls Juranovic trying to force the ball in. Japan have made two really decent chances here, and this is a really good game already.
10 min “Did anyone else play Secret Service?” wonders Guy Stephenson. “One person discretely puts their finger to an imaginary earpiec and waits for others to catch on and do the same, until only one person is left not touching an earpiece. That person becomes the President, and is quickly tackled to the ground and piled up on for their own safety.”
Altruism at its finest.
8 min A ball down the left sees Perisic pursue Tomiyasu and give him a crafty shove in the back – not enough excuse for the backpass he tickles nowhere near Gonda! Persisic, entering the box from the side, is in! He’s got so much time, but can’t measure his finish into the far corner, Gonda shoving out and Kramaric unable to get around the ball to force hit home through the 63 defenders gathered between it and goal.
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7 min Croatia’s midfield are starting to impose themselves; is starting to impose itself, I’m not sure. I think both might work. Meantime, Casiano Martinez returns: “Oh, I’ve got another. Dark Fights. On your birthday, black out the bedroom and have all your friends wail on each other, for a minute, ideally but impossible to be certain, targeting the birthday boy. You know, typing this down I can see why my wife looks aghast at me when I tell her about these games, or why she mutters about boys being so stupid.”
We did birthday beats, and also pole jobs, which involved you getting a hiding till you went horizontal, then you were charged at the nearest upright metal – fence, goalpost – legs apart.
5 min “Growing up in NYC in the mid-60s,” says Barry Ragin, “friends and I had a game called Green Pig. To put it in family friendly terms, if anyone passed gas in the room, everyone had to put their fist to their chin and say ‘Green Pig.’ Last one got a pummelling. Imagine my surprise meeting someone nearly two decades younger than me who had grown up in rural North Carolina who played the same game.”
Art transcends geographical differences.
4 min Croatia, though, are like a boa constrictor, gradually strangling opponents until they can’t breathe. They won’t be fazed by any of this; six of their last seven tournament knockout games have gone to extra time.
3 min Croatia try to play out and Maeda slides in on Livakovic, almost robbing him! This is a really good and intense start from Japan.
2 min …and Doan’s ball in is a belter, flying flat across the box and missing a decent touch from everyone. Someone, though, sticks it behind and Japan go short with the corner, Ito swishing in another tremendous ball … that Taniguchi heads wide of the far post! He should’ve done better, but Japan are into this!
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1 min Maeda advances down the left and Juranovic fouls him, so Japan have an early chance to stick a ball into the box…
1 min And away we go!
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Tiesto's Lets Get Down to Business pumps. It’s actually the tune my wife plays when doing the Passover cleaning; I’m not sure what that tells us.
“Yellow car?” says Casiano Martinez. “We played a variation of it called Punch Buggie, where instead of yellow cars we went by Volkswagen Beetles. You just yelled the color of the car along with the phrase punch buggie. All of the mentioned rules apply. Incidentally, this didn’t have a name but I’ve wondered if others played it, when I was in middle school the boys used to come behind each other when one of us was at the urinals and either pull you out or push you in (mid-stream of course), and to this day I don’t know what was worse.”
If you stand with one foot in front of the other, you prevent the push in. I realise this tip comes too late to be of much use.
Anthem time…
Question, perhaps the most Guardian question of all-time: does Croatia have the best beaches and the best ice cream in Europe? If there are and is better, I’ve not experienced them and it.
Here come the teams!
BBC telly have also done a little Gvardiol spot, prompting Alan Shearer to quip that he’d look good in black and white – based on the below, I guess he’s dropping Sven Botman. Gary Lineker points out that he’s said that every time a player’s done well in Qatar; “makes a change,” replies Shearer, without taking a second to wonder why.
🌟 @alanshearer names his Team of the Season so far...
— Premier League (@premierleague) November 16, 2022
Do you agree with his picks? 🤔 pic.twitter.com/duzgHQhfs0
Feel free to send in your other childhood – or not – games. Another I recall is a group standing in a circle with arms around shoulders and tripping each other until only one person was left standing. I went home, told my dad about it, and turned out he’d played it at primary school too, so it’s at least 65 years old.
“There is no way a taxi on tv should count!” says Joe Pearson. “If media were allowed, one could simply keep a picture of a yellow car on their phone and pull it up whenever they wanted to give their competitor a smack. Fine margins, you know.”
I can’t lie, the other day I did ask my daughter to step outside, so I could yellow car her using a strange van-type thing that parks down our road and never moves.
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Email! “Yellow Car was officially banned in a small Scottish enclave in North Northants,” says Jack Roe, “because my mate James McCallum refused to stop belting me whenever he saw any vehicle even slightly jaundiced. For the record, I’m a purist: cars only, in person, one dig, above the waist. Anything else is just violence.”
Funny you say that, my nine-year-old has recently been grousing because I’ve started giving her a few little shots as she’s clocking me as hard as she can. Tangentially, I’ve just remembered a similar game of my youth which we knew as Not Kosher. The bed was kosher, everywhere else was not kosher, and the last one left remained kosher so was therefore the winner. Er, and I’ve just consulted with Wikipedia, learnt that the first Royal Rumble was in 1988, and have instructed my lawyers to sue Vince McMahon.
I think it took five minutes for BBC to start talking about England. What kept them?
Here’s today’s World Cup Football Daily:
Breaking news: I think Gary Lineker has new glasses – and surprisingly, they’ve got a crossbar. I absolutely did not see that one coming.
On 5 live, Harry Redknapp’s Niko Kranjcar is talking about Josko Gvardiol, who looks a very serious player. His best attribute, says Kranjcar, is his decision-making, but he also reads the game really well and is good on the ball whether passing or carrying. I mentioned that Croatia have only scored on one game, but they’ve also only conceded once, and he’s a big part of the reason why.
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Yellow car rule verification: does the game apply solely to cars, or are other vehicles, such as lorries, buses and ambulances allowed? And do the cars have to be seen in person?
Yours, someone who got whacked when a New York taxi appeared on television yesterday.
Croatia might also fancy themselves out wide – as any team playing an opponent fielding three at the back should, but I also reckon they’ll expect Japan to leave gaps there when they fly forward. They’ve struggled to score in this competition – both Belgium and Morocco have shut them out – so have rearranged their front three once again in a bid to find some edge.
Thinking about how the game might go, my guess is that Japan will look to get at Croatia down the sides. They’ll know they’ve no chance of dominating possession so I doubt they’ll even try – in picking two central-midfielders against Croatia’s three, they’re effectively ceding control of the game. Which makes a lot of sense, because even if they had a third man in there, they’d still be struggling to dictate, so may as well try and create overloads out wide.
As for Croatia, Borna Sosa is ill, so Borna Barisic, of Rangers, replaces him while, in attack, Marko Livaja loses out to Bruno Petkovic.
So what does it all mean? Well, Japan are without the suspended Kou Itakura, who is replaced by Takehiro Tomiyasu on the right side of the back three. Ao Tanaka, meanwhile, is on the bench, with Wataru Endo coming in, and Ritsu Doan, the supersub who scored against both Germany and Spain, replaces Takefusa Kubo, who I think is injured.
Teams!
Japan (3-4-3): Gonda; Tomiyasu, Yoshida, Taniguchi; Ito, Morita, Junya, Nagatomo; Doan, Maeda, Kamada. Subs: Kawashima, Mitoma, Saai, Hato, Schmidt, Minamino, Machino, Yamane, Tanaka, Ueda, Shibasaki, Asano, Soma.
Croatia (4-3-3): Livakovic; Juranovic, Lovren, Gvardiol, Barisic; Brozovic, Kovacic, Modric; Petkovic, Kramaric, Perisic. Subs: Grbic, Ivusic, Erlic, Majer, Vlasic, Livaja, Pasalic, Budimir, Orsic, Vida, Sutalo, Sucic, Jakic.
Referee: Ismail Elfath (USA)
Preamble
So who had this one on their predictor? Er, not me. But what a match is in prospect – let’s be real, it’s the only one of the eight ties in which the outcome seems in doubt at the outset – and feels by far the most likely to give us extra-time and the lottery of successfully executing a precision-skill under intense pressure.
Japan have been an absolute rush and one of the most affirming joys of this World Cup. Beating Germany and Spain is one thing – well, two things – but beating Germany and Spain from behind is one of the – well, two of the – most reeeediculous feats in recent times. And that’s only part of it: what’s been just as wondrous is the inspirational invention and screeching intensity of their play; if they can find similar this afternoon, we’re in for a treat.
However, if anyone has the antidote for that, it’s Croatia and, in particular, Luka Modric. He may be 37-years-old, but his ageless genius allows the last of the great schemers to somehow orchestrate proceedings involving 21 other, younger players. I say somehow because, like all the most gifted exponents of any art, quite how he does it is shrouded in mystery. But he is also abetted by the all-round efficiency of Mateo Kovacic and Marcelo Brozovic, a midfield trio accomplished enough to decide which of these teams progresses.
This is going to be really, really good.
Kick-off: 6pm local, 3pm GMT
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