When you heard James Corden had been banned from a restaurant in New York, hands up if you assumed it must an All You Can Eat buffet joint?
Yep, the poor owner would have gone bust about 20 minutes after the portly TV host walked through the doors.
What’s that you say? Pot, kettle?
Aye James, as someone who is clearly no stranger to a steak pie supper, I guess I do have a cheek taking a swipe at anyone else’s gut.
So let me redress the balance by confessing that, the last time I approached the buffet at an all-you-can-eat restaurant, I watched with a tear in my eye as the waiters put down speed-bumps.
Turns out the Late Late Show presenter was actually shown the door - quite rightly in my book - for being rude and nasty to the young members of staff serving his table.
That’s awful. In the 16 years I reviewed restaurants for this very paper, I always strived to spare a kind word for the waiters and waitresses.
Don’t forget, they’re always the cheapest to hire and the easiest to fire. That was my mantra.
Corden has since apologised for his behaviour (although we’re still waiting on an apology for his 2009 film Lesbian Vampire Killers) so, as a firm believer in giving someone a second chance, I’ll reverse my decision to stop watching his US chat show.
I tune in EVERY night, dear reader, mainly in the hope he’s booked Stevie Wonder for the Carpool Karaoke slot.
Staying with food, I see burger chain McDonald’s is about to axe one of its most popular products - the Chicken Legend. (My missus is gutted.)
But listen, any chance they could also remove the double sausage and egg McMuffin from the menu?
Quite frankly, this magnificent breakfast bap is one of the tastiest things on the planet - right up there with a well-fired roll ’n’ Lorne sausage - but here’s my problem.
Since my wee lassie started at the “big” school in August, it’s my job to drop her off every morning, Monday to Friday… leaving me STACKS of time to enjoy the breakfast menu at our local Micky D’s.
Three months into the new term and, after five double sausage and egg McMuffins a week (not to mention the odd hash brown), I now need a shoehorn to get into my Y-fronts.
HELP!!!
Incidentally, as much as I’m partial to a McDonald’s, I would NEVER have a meal delivered to my door. Surely the fries would be lukewarm at best?
You can order just about anything from home these days and I read this week that Boots have teamed-up with Uber Eats to deliver medicines to customers in as little as 30 minutes. Phew!
The only quicker service would be living next-door to Tory MP Therese Coffey.
It was also reported that milk deliveries are making a comeback - returnable glass bottles are very eco-friendly - and the article I read pointed out that milk was first produced by farmers 7400 years ago.
(And, five minutes later, the first attention-seeker claimed to be lactose intolerant.)
That remains, of course, one of THE great unanswered questions: who was the first person to milk a cow and what did he THINK he was doing?
PS. BREAKING NEWS: No action will be taken against the Animal Rebellion protestors who wreaked havoc at a Waitrose store in Edinburgh. A police spokesman said: “It’s no use crying over spilt milk.”
PPS. Food footnote. Call me a cynic but, as revealed in yesterday’s paper, who do you think won the Mackie’s of Scotland competition with a lifetime - yes, a LIFETIME - of ice-cream as a prize?
A strapping, 18-year-old laddie - or an auld granny?
