Credit where it’s due: Sony’s new Anaconda is an innovative bit of IP laundering. It follows four high school best friends who reunite in middle age to remake their favorite movie from 1997 — Luis Llosa’s original, considered a cult classic, but by no means unimpeachable — only to find themselves in a predicament similar to the movie’s premise. However, this initial spark is where the not-a-reboot’s delights begin and end. Despite featuring comedy heavy-hitters like Jack Black and Paul Rudd, the film is nearly devoid of laughs, seldom coheres in its straightforward action-thriller moments, and is also, on occasion, visually unpleasant in a way that favors home viewing. Streaming, A.I. and studio cannibalizing haven’t destroyed the theatrical experience yet, but maybe they should.
In the opening prologue, we see a mysterious young woman, Ana (Daniela Melchior), escaping through the Amazon as armed gunmen give chase. Before long, one of these assailants is scooped up by a giant anaconda snake, in a manner that feels half-way between a jump scare reveal and matter-of-fact presentation. Right from the get-go, the presentation feels half-baked and noncommittal, setting the tone for what’s to come.
