It isn’t reasonable for Priya Hall to expect the taxpayer to fund a baby created through reciprocal IVF (The NHS helps same-sex couples like us access IVF. But why must we first pay the ‘queer tax’?, 1 August). There are much cheaper ways for lesbian couples to get pregnant. The cheapest is the method that has been used for decades – donor sperm from a male friend, administered at home using DIY insemination. It’s free and it works.
If lesbians do not want to use a male friend – and there are good reasons not to – then the next cheapest option is IUI using an anonymous donor. It’s how I got pregnant twice in the late 2000s – a process that cost me and my partner nearly £10,000.
I agree that the NHS could fund some free cycles of this for lesbians. However, to expect the NHS (and therefore the taxpayer) to fund reciprocal IVF – which is considerably more complex and therefore more expensive than IUI – is not a reasonable use of public funds. Stating that this is the only way lesbian women can experience what it’s like for straight parents to conceive is nonsense – the way the majority of straight couples conceive is nothing like any form of assisted conception, but there are also many straight couples who do require medical assistance to conceive. As a lesbian, I have no desire to experience what it’s like to be straight. I would, however, like equal rights with all other adults who wish to become parents.
Whether you feel you are a parent to your child is all about emotional bonds, not biology – ask any adoptive parent or any parent who had to use a donor to conceive. My children – now teenagers – are just as close to their non-biological mum (no longer my partner, but sharing 50/50 custody) as they are to me – because she’s been a loving and constant presence in their lives from the moment they were born.
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