It's all kicking off for the coronation.
Not only is the empire's epicentre, Britain, getting ready for the King hit, there's anticipation in the Antipodes.
With the Queen's platinum jubilee not that long ago, Aussies think they are across the whole "pageantry thing".
But it's wise to not get above one's station.
I've spoken to the King's official representative in Australia, Coronation Corgi, about how to appropriately enjoy the ol' razzle dazzle from your suburban castle.
The King's big day will be a budget bash, because most people who haven't inherited a title are skint. Aussies know how to make their own fun. So, with all due respect, here's the 'Sit Back and Enjoy the Show from the Safety of Australia' Guide to the Coronation.
There's no show without punch. Grab a bucket and mix up some majestic magic. For a G-rated brew, dial up the sugar content to ensure the kiddies run amok like Tory MPs at a seaside convention. The adult version will be guided by how much of the historic event you actually want to remember. Then again, the ABC will have a highlights reel.
Food: No-one's going to touch that weird coronation quiche. Call the takeaway and get them started on the coronation chippies and calamari rings.
Dress: Wear something fancy. Like, if you were off to see Les Miserables. In a nod to Australia's best known royal confidante, Dame Edna, break out the chiffon gown and diamanté glasses. Emulate Edna. Leave the ghost of Sir Les at his spiritual home: the House of Lords "Gentleman's Club".
Decoration: If you want to make something, other than a placard casting aspersions on the monarchy's gene pool, there's bunting. Coronation Corgi says there are many "how to make bunting" guides on the web. If you're not handy with the Singer, how about knitted or macrame flags? Nothing says "get knotted" like decorative macrame strung across the patio.
PEOPLE TO WATCH
Charles: He can be uncivil. Especially with stationery. One hopes the global TV audience will be spared his blue language if the ink's on the blink again.
Camilla: She's going to be nervous. Possibly more anxious than she was at Charles's wedding to Diana. But this time she has nowhere to hide.
Andrew: He'll be in civvies so might be hard to spot. As the shadiest member of the upper class at the moment (and that's saying something) he's one to watch.
Harry: He'll be in a right mood as he's flying solo, and will possibly be sitting next to Uncle Andrew in the spare seats.
Prince Louis: A total loose unit. Thank god he's too young to drink.
Fergie: She's not invited, but she's definitely got the best deal as she can watch proceedings on the TV with the rescue corgis.
Enjoy the show next weekend. Even though the bitterness will be well hidden, we know this family has issues. We'll wait and watch. As they say, revenge is a dish best served cold. Like quiche.
deborah.richards@newcastleherald.com.au
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